Creeping Violet
by Lord Muffintops
Summary: Sumire Shinanoki, an awkward young woman with no home or family to go back to, lives as a male ronin called Botan for safety and survival. When she lands in the employ of the Oda guarding their strong-willed princess just as war is declared, friendship, laughter, hijinks and love bloom against her greatest expectations! OC X Ieyasu, hints of Mai X Nobunaga.
1. Chapter 1

War had a funny way of tearing things apart.

Because so many things had been torn apart, there were shards floating around everywhere. I liked to think of myself as just one of those shards. Because it was a lovelier thought, I changed myself from a shard of splintered wood or glass, like the rest of the lingering remnants of my village, into a flower petal on the wind. No matter how much it rained or how much I was battered, at least I would still be a little bit beautiful. Not to mention that the whole flower imagery reminded me that I was still technically a woman.

I suppose I could say that I was following my mother's orders. Being a ronin now, it was easier to think of things in terms of orders and survival. The last thing my mother told me was that the world was unkind to women and that, if I wanted to survive, I would have to change myself. Become strong. Ruthless, if I had to be, although her eyes at the time revealed that this particular urging was just the necessary lie of a mother trying to protect her daughter. Because, of course, that was the day our home was destroyed. The men announced themselves as Oda soldiers.

And that is how I came here, six years after the fact. Azuchi wore the mask of a peaceful town, but soldiers were soldiers. They weren't all the same, but the potential for cruelty is too dangerous. I was in the domain of Nobunaga Oda and couldn't afford to be careless. Every moment had to be one of vigilance.

For now, however, Iwas staking out. Never mind that staking out in that situation meant finding a particularly good teahouse in which o spend my meager savings. It wasn't actually my first time in Azuchi, but my third over the span of a few moons. Before coming to this place, I had never known the joy of chestnut dumplings. Sure, it was ruled by a man who was likely a literal demon from Hell, but the food was quite good. Pair dumplings with some herbal tea, and it was a temporary oasis from any and all stress.

"Excuse me. May I sit with you?" A man stood before me. His clothes weren't the exorbitantly expensive kind that some particularly wealthy warlords and daimyo liked to parade like peacocks around in, but they were clearly nice. I paused to admire the color combination: a fresh, minty green with some red to accent, and some white fluff around the collar. Hm. Maybe someday I'd get some nicer clothes too.

But the main point was this: oasis officially disrupted. Potentially dangerous man standing there. Any smile could be that of a snake. "There are other free tables," I pointed out. Roomy ones too, with smoothly carved wooden benches and charming red umbrellas adorning them.

"I'm aware. But I've been wanting to talk to you for a while."

Okay. Okay, there was no way that this man knew my actual gender. I bound my chest and kept my neck covered to hide the lack of a telltale bump there, my voice was pushed deep enough if not gravelly quite like other men's I had met. So this was business talk.

"You're the ronin known as Botan, right?"

Botan. Yes. My male alias. I missed my real name, Sumire. But at least they were both flowers. It was okay to be a peony on the outside and a violet inside. "I am."

"I'd like to hire you."

"Are you going to at least sit down?"

The man gave a start and bent slowly. "Yes. Of course."

"What's the job?"

"A bodyguard."

My blood warmed a bit as my heartbeat skipped faster. Interesting. Sounded like steady work. "What's the pay?"

"Your meals and lodgings will be taken care of." He held up a pouch and dropped it on the table for effect; the sound of coins clinking together was the purest birdsong.

"Deal."

"Don't you want more information? Such as who your employers are and who you'll be guarding? It might be a dangerous job."

"We live in a dangerous world. Any challenge is fine with me. Besides!" I laughed and seized the pouch. Let's just assume that it was mine now. "I _am_ a ronin. As if I would turn this down."

Unexpectedly, the man smiled. "Do you know why I've come to you? Rather, do you know the stories I've heard about you?'

"Oh? Do tell, do tell." No, seriously. There were stories? That was probably bad, but I felt a tad flattered despite myself.

"You're a man of honor. Once you were offered an unthinkable sum of money to betray your benefactor at the time, and you refused. Women say you're kind and understanding. That you wouldn't dream of taking advantage of the opposite sex. You have a few fans." He laughed.

Oops. If only he knew the real reason I chose not to 'take advantage' of even the most innocent flirtation with a woman. "Just because I'm a ronin doesn't mean I'm a conniving weasel." These things were largely considered synonymous, especially since war was brewing. There was a certain feel to the air, a telltale tremulous anticipation among the populace.

"I understand that. That's why we wanted to request your services." He blinked, surprised, when I passed him a dumpling while shoving two more into my mouth. "Thank you? Anyways. The princess of the Oda is a woman, shall we say, unaccustomed to battle. We thought that having someone reliable around to devote attention to and reassure her might be of some help."

Right. The princess who had appeared out of nowhere that no one had previously known about. Not suspicious in any way whatsoever. "You mean… I'll be living in Azuchi castle?"

"Yes."

Oh. Oh my. How interesting. "Who are you?" Of course I'd heard tell of Nobunaga Oda's right-hand man, and his appearance had already given him away, but I wanted to hear the words from the famed warrior himself.

"My name is Hideyoshi Toyotomi. Sorry for not introducing myself earlier."

"When do I start?" I demanded.

He laughed, but it was guarded. "Why so eager?"

I took a breath. I still needed to watch my step, be careful what I said and where I directed my most important questions. Most importantly, I had to hide my true intentions. So, I covered myself with a little bluster and forced a smirk onto my lips. "What? Is it so strange for a wandering rat like me to be a bit excited to meet a beautiful princess and live in a lavish castle?"

"It probably wouldn't be a good idea to lay a hand on Mai. She's… taken, as it were."

"And yet it's fine for me, a man, to be her personal bodyguard?"

"As already implied, I've heard you're not exactly a womanizer."

"You've caught me." I had calmed down now. "How often will I be paid?"

"It's not set. When you run out of funds you'll get more, and you'll receive a generous pay when the job ends, with an increasing amount depending on your performance. Rest assured, you'll have plenty for leisure."

"Again, when do I start?"

He laughed again. Luckily my eagerness was now being interpreted as charming rather than insidious. "Right now, if you like."

"Let's go." The words emerged before my thoughts caught up to them.

Maybe part of me had become apathetic over time and I hadn't even realized it. Maybe I had given up on finding the truth of what had really happened the night my village had been destroyed in favor of trying to live day to day, hiding the entire time. I wasn't stupid enough to believe immediately that it really was the Oda who had taken everything from me. Why would they announce themselves if that were the case? Something didn't seem right about the whole affair. But now, unexpectedly, wonderfully, I had been given a chance to find the answers for myself.

The smile was still plastered onto my face when my future residence came into view. I had seen the castle from the distance, but of course random travelers hadn't been invited to take tours. The inside of it was, well, what you would expect from the abode of the man attempting to conquer the entire land. Lush gardens reflected the beauty of what had proven to be a wonderfully mild spring season. The building itself stretched in corridor after corridor with not a crack or tear in sight, bigger in spades than my entire village had used to be.

"Wow…" I coughed after the shocked utterance escaped me. That word had come out at a bit of a higher pitch, but luckily it had been very quiet. I shouldn't have been surprised anyways. A lot of wealthy and influential people had likely lent their support to the Oda cause. "Does Nobunaga Oda really aim for unification above all else?"

Hideyoshi smiled proudly. "Of course. A peaceful world where things like status don't matter. And that's _Lord _Nobunaga, by the way."

I held back a laugh at his persnickety seriousness. "So a would where villages aren't pillaged at random?" I couldn't help myself. The question came out, but at least I was able to swallow the bitterness behind it before the feeling could soak into the words.

"Yes." His eyes shown with a conviction I'd never felt flowing within myself.

For some reason, the certainty he spoke with surprised me. Again, why would an army purportedly dedicated to creating a better world destroy a village that had nothing more to offer than rice and wildflowers? Because yeah, the view in my former home had been the most impressive thing about it. There had been no soldiers or no nobles in the area. Nothing worth killing for.

"So where's this princess?"

"I'm not sure, honestly. She's always running around, cleaning or sewing."

"A maid-princess?"

"A chatelaine." Hideyoshi looked down the hallway and his eyes lit up with recognition. "Ieyasu, Mitsunari. Have you seen Mai?"

Ieyasu Tokugawa and Mitsunari Ishida. Respectively, a formidable warrior and the brilliant strategist of the Oda army. The reality that I was surrounded by people who could kill me easily if I wasn't careful was starting to set in now that the excitement was waning. I was, after all, here to spy on them for the sake of my own questions aside from the job.

"She's in her room," Ishida said. "Funny enough, Lord Nobunaga came to visit her just as I was dropping off a letter. He asked me to leave after that, and Mai's face got awfully red. I think she might be coming down with a fever. Should we get her something? I could go back and brew some tea for her."

I stifled more laughter. Wait, so the strategist was actually a dunce? How charming.

"No, not that," Hideyoshi said quickly. "I mean… It would be the most helpful for you to give her a chance to rest."

"That makes sense." Ishida smiled. "I hope she feels better soon."

"I hope your understanding of basic social cues gets better in time," Tokugawa muttered. "But the chance of that is just about as likely as Mai's 'fever' going down anytime soon."

"It's a wonderful goal to hope to understand others well. I hope we both continue learning." Ishida offered an angelic smile, and it was clear there was nothing but honesty behind it. Wow, did that insult fly over his head.

"Who's he?" Tokugawa turned his attention to me, likely more in an effort to not continue talking to Ishida than anything else.

Yes, I am a he. I am a he clearly here for an innocent job and not to do any digging about the tragic fate of my village and everything I had ever loved. No, sir. "My name is Botan," I stated gruffly.

"Botan is going to be Mai's bodyguard starting today," Toyotomi explained.

"Maybe he can help nurse Mai back to health!" Ishida suggested excitedly. "Do you know medicine, Botan?"

"I'm no master, but I get by." It was a pertinent skill to have, and I'd learned a few bits by necessity when first starting out on my own.

"How wonderful! You would get along well with Lord Ieyasu. He's highly distinguished in the practice of medicine."

I avoided looking at Tokugawa and instead focused on the smooth, faintly shining floor around his feet. Goodness, it had been scrubbed thoroughly. I wasn't here to get along with them. The possibility was still there that their army was responsible. "That's wonderful," I said simply, detached.

"Just don't go into that room without knocking," Tokugawa grumbled. His words seemed to be largely limited to grumbles and mutters. "People have, and let me tell you… it's not pretty."

"I'll remember that, thank you." Was I hallucinating, or was it being insinuated none too subtly that Nobunaga Oda was in an honest to goodness relationship with this mysterious maid-princess? If that were the case, it stood to reason that she wasn't truly a princess at all, not by blood. Strange circumstances were afoot.

"Botan, I'll show you to your room. It's next to Mai's," Hideyoshi offered.

"If you give me directions, I can find my own way." As a warlord, he likely had far more pressing things to do than to show me around the place.

"If you're sure." He told me the right pattern of lefts and rights and I nodded, repeating it back to him at the end. "Good. You'll know your way around soon enough, and if you get lost anyone will be happy to help you. I'll come get you when it's time for dinner. Are you sure you'll be fine on your own?" He asked again.

I laughed. "It's fine, it's fine. Thank you." What an odd man. Maybe if the rest of the warlords were so unexpectedly kind (well, sort of), Nobunaga Oda would be full of surprises as well.

But where would I be then?

*Ieyasu Tokugawa*

"It's not like you," I muttered as soon as the ronin had left.

"What isn't?" Hideyoshi asked.

"Inviting a stranger into this place is like asking them to spy or try their hand at assassination. Why is that ronin here?" I snapped not because I was particularly mad at Hideyoshi but because fumes of anger from being in Mitsunari's agonizingly oblivious presence were fueling just about everything I did now.

"I'm aware. He seems trustworthy, but I'm not naïve. I had Mitsuhide conduct a thorough investigation before approaching the man." Hideyoshi paused. "Besides, what's the adage? Keep your enemies close."

Of course there had to be an ulterior motive. Hideyoshi would never be so needlessly careless. "What's your aim, then?"

"Ronin represent the common people. People desperate enough in hard times to be willing to take up swords, risk their lives and discard their morals for quick pay. What does it say about the Oda, then, if we invite one into our ranks for a coveted position?"

"That we're complete idiots," I replied flatly.

"No," Hideyoshi laughed. "It means we trust the people to be good. It means we care when they fall on hard times. And we do. Lord Nobunaga approved this plan himself." He turned to Mitsunari. "This was your idea in part too, you know. You're the one who first pointed out to me that there was a population in our territories that didn't exactly feel supported."

"So this is a publicity stunt?" I spoke before Mitsunari could reply to spare myself having to listen to him blather.

Hideyoshi smiled wryly. "In a way, although you make it sound terrible."

"Lord Ieyasu is quite good at pointing out the potential negatives to things," Mitsunari chimed in. "It makes him a very good person to talk to my ideas about."

"If only you would talk to me about your ideas far less," I sighed. There was no helping him. He was the smartest idiot in existence. It was a wonder he had made it this far.

"Ieyasu, will you go check on Botan? I still worry that he may have gotten lost," Hideyoshi requested sincerely.

"If you have to worry about that, is he really qualified to be a bodyguard? Besides, don't send me to do your mothering."

"Okay, thanks!" Hideyoshi dashed off as if he hadn't heard a word I'd just said.

I hated him, but I hated myself more because I was going to go do as he asked. I could send Mitsunari, but he would definitely find a way to mess it up. If the ronin actually did get lost, Hideyoshi would blame me. In the end it was less trouble to do as he asked. Although, the fact that this was likely a ploy to force me to be more friendly and make more friends, things Hideyoshi had lectured me on the importance of, wasn't helpful to my mood either.

"Do you want me to come with you so no one will get lost, Lord Ieyasu?" Mitsunari asked pleasantly.

"No, you stay here in case Hideyoshi comes back."

"Oh, alright." He smiled pleasantly and stood perfectly still even though Hideyoshi was in no way going to come back to that location.

I nodded at the maids who acknowledged me respectfully as I passed through the corridors towards Mai's room. Noticeably, they had started to steer clear of the areas closest to her quarters. Nobunaga came this way so often that it was almost embarrassing. Yeah, he had a thing for the 'princess' and that was nice and all, but he could at least be tactful about it.

"In that case, I think you and I will get along just fine." Mitsuhide's voice, snake and fox combined into one crafty hiss, floated into my ears as I neared my destination. The sight that matched his words was, in a word, unwelcome simply due to the fact that it was unexpected and I didn't like surprises at all.

He was close to the ronin, as in, very much interfering with the virtue that was of personal space. The latter man's chin was tilted up by Mitsuhide's fingers, and those same fingers traced up his jaw like spiders crawling. I had no idea what was going on but, seeing as it was none of my business, I turned around to head right back the way I had come.

"Why, hello there, Ieyasu!" Mitsuhide suddenly called out.

Why me…?


	2. Chapter 2

My room was fairly empty, but that was to be expected. A bed had been prepared, a simple mat with two blankets folded neatly atop it. I didn't need much more than that, and I didn't own much else to give the room some character. It wouldn't make sense to accrue further possessions either just in case I ended up needing to make a quick exit somewhere down the line. That said, I sat on the floor to take a short break. Not that I was exhausted, but there was a lot to think about.

It was theoretically simple to get down to the truth. A few questions was all it would take. So hey, did this particular village get destroyed by Oda soldiers, say, six years ago? No reason for asking, has absolutely nothing to do with my motivations. Yeah. I would have to be a bit smarter about this. There was no guarantee these questions would receive truthful answers either.

A noise floated through from the room next to mine, the princess's place, stymieing my thoughts. Thin walls, then. I wasn't too bothered. A small wall was better than no wall at all, or sleeping on the ground in a dangerous open space.

"W-Wait, Nobunaga… Ah!" A delighted moan that defied the reluctance those words might have implied.

Okay, time for me to excuse myself. From my own room. I would have to talk with this princess, maybe make myself scarce when she was going to receive her… visits.

I took a few steps from my room, hands clamped over my ears, and promptly bumped into someone. White hair and sharp eyes. An inscrutable smile. Of course, this was Mitsuhide Akechi. The stories preceded him. The cunning fox that knew all. There wasn't a string he couldn't pull to get what he wanted or his lord needed.

"You don't want to go in there," I said, pointing to the firmly shut door of the princess's room.

"Oh, believe me. That hurdle has been crossed before. Not by myself until today, but even so." He sounded amused by the whole thing as he waved a letter casually around. "Business is business."

"Best of luck to you, in that case." I paused. "It's not exactly a job worthy of your position, is it? Having to… interrupt." I pitied him, I really did, but I wasn't going to volunteer to take his place.

Akechi's smile didn't shift. "The things I do for my country."

"I'll leave you to it. Excuse me."

He seized my wrist as I passed him. "Just a moment."

"What? Hey, I have to live next to it. I think that excuses me at least once from having to intrude."

"You're a woman, aren't you?"

I arched an eyebrow while my insides writhed with panic. That fast? He'd guessed that fast?! "Is that question supposed to be some form of hazing? Teasing the new recruit, and whatnot?"

"You try too hard to fool everyone. Your walk is too stiff, your words too careful. No matter how far you've come in perfecting your masquerade, and I'll admit it's commendable, you can't fool everyone. Least of all me."

He'd known me for less than a moment and yet he'd already guessed at the truth. No, that was impossible. He must have seen me somewhere before and analyzed me without my knowing of his observance. Likely I had been tailed for a while before this job had been offered to me. The Oda wouldn't trust me without those measures. I shouldn't have expected less. Still, I smiled. "You're very funny."

He chuckled and leaned in close to me; my back hit the wall as I retreated. "You should be very careful. The Oda don't take kindly to liars or traitors."

I swallowed, quite audibly. He knew. There was no use acting the fool or trying to convince him he was wrong. I could try to convince him, however, not to kill me then and there for lying. "Not even liars with very good reasons? Such as… living in an incredibly cruel world. A world where, sometimes, even in a land where a man is trying to unify and create peace, homes are destroyed and women are forced to survive on their own using any means. A hypothetical world like that," I whispered. My desperation was coming through and I wasn't proud of myself at all, but I figured that slight honesty was the best way to convince him that, for now and pending the results of my inquiries, I had no intention to hurt anyone.

"Hm. Is that all?" Of course he didn't take pity on me whatsoever.

"Th-That's all," I stammered. Yes, I was afraid of him. How could I not be? No one would have reason to doubt him if he revealed me as a sneaking spy, false as that would be, and then there was no telling what might happen. The warlords might be reasonable about the whole thing, but I wasn't willing to take that chance.

"I think we could be friends," Akechi said smoothly.

"Friends?" Not what I had expected, but still not good by the sound of it. "How so?"

"I keep your secret and you do something to repay me from time to time." He laughed at my expression. "I'm not a monster, you know. I don't intend to take advantage of your body."

"How comforting," I hissed.

"Do we have a deal?"

Not like I had a choice. "Yes." I spoke through gritted teeth as he tilted my chin up to make me face a gaze I'd been avoiding, fingers trailing along my jaw.

"In that case, I think you and I will get along just fine."

"Yeah. It's gonna be great," I muttered.

"Why, hello there, Ieyasu!" Mitsuhide suddenly sang, and I jumped. I'd been so focused on my impending servitude that I hadn't noticed the other warlord, who seemed to be attempting to leave the scene.

Although he didn't audibly sigh, his face when he turned around conveyed his heavy reluctance so strongly that he may as well have. "I was just leaving. As you very well knew."

"Not alone, of course. Take this one along with you." Mitsuhide pushed my back with surprisingly little force, and I obediently floated to Tokugawa's side. Whatever I had to do to get away from Akechi was fine by me, even if Tokugawa doubtless wouldn't be pleasant company.

Tokugawa rolled his eyes. "Come on." He marched off without waiting.

"Lord Nobunaga, Mai, you have three seconds until I come in!" I heard Mitsuhide cackling behind us and made a very conscious choice not to look over my shoulder.

"Thanks," I said quietly.

"For what?" Tokugawa asked. No, it was Ieyasu. Maybe thinking of them on familiar terms would help abate my nervousness. "I didn't do anything for your sake."

"Oh, I know, and you certainly had no obligation to. But I got out of there nevertheless due to your intervention, so, thank you."

He just grunted in response.

"Is he always like that? Mitushide, I mean."

"No. He's worse."

Despite myself I laughed. "You're honest." Not like me at all. Even if I didn't feel like I had a choice, the basic fact was that I was a deceiver. "So… Do you have any tips? About life here."

"No."

Okay, he clearly didn't want to talk. Hm. Let's try this, then. "So, about Lord Mitsunari…"

"He's insufferable. He can't take a hint, He's capable of predicting the path of a battlefield down to the most minute detail and yet he can't even understand the fact that I actively hate it when he breathes. He's incapable of taking care of himself. An absolute man-child. And another thing –"

I tried, I really did. But I just couldn't contain myself.

*Ieyasu Tokugawa*

"Hah!" The ronin suddenly burst, just when I was starting to really educate him on the walking talking horror that was Mitsunari Ishida. "Ahahahaha!" He was soon laughing so hard that he was doubled over and clutching his stomach.

Okay, that settled it. I hated him too. What was his name again? I needed to know his name so I could loathe him properly. Right, Botan. Hatred.

"You're hilarious!" He wheezed.

Of all words possible, that was not one any person had ever used to describe me. Surprise almost replaced my anger for a moment, but grumpy anger was one of the most powerful parts of me.

"I mean, first you can't seem to stand the thought of a conversation, but I mention Lord Mitsunari and you become a veritable fountain!"

As he dissolved into laughter again, I glared at him and really looked at him for the first time because of this. He had a chipped tooth on the top row of his mouth and two crooked teeth hugging each other on the bottom. Dark brown hair, bangs hanging across his forehead, longer patches framing his face with a small knot of hair tied at the base of his neck. Simple and slightly tattered clothes, a brown haori over a blue kosode with a gray scarf tied tightly around the neck. There was a largish leather case, torn and worn, and a few white pouches secured at his waist as well. A bit suspicious, those, as they had to be concealing weapons of some kind, but he still looked like a regular old ronin. Nothing too special, but at least it would be mildly interesting to see how Hideyoshi's little idea worked out. There was also the security that Masamume, the half-blind battle-hungry oaf, would slice this man in half at the first sign of treachery. There was barely a need to involve myself. I could hate comfortably from afar.

"Sorry, sorry." Botan straightened and shook himself. "I'll admit, that encounter with Mitsuhide shook me a bit."

"What _was_ that about?" I had to ask. We couldn't have Mitsuhide sneaking around, not with the culprit behind the latest assassination attempt on Lord Nobunaga still unclear. Luckily Mai had been around to save him from the flames.

"Mitsuhide was just…" Botan paused to turn his words over. "Well, I suppose in a way he was warning me to stay in my place."

"Hm." Not that this was a bad idea, but maybe Mitsuhide wasn't the best person to do it. I may as well give a warning too. "If you're a spy, you'll be caught. So, if that's your intent, you should just quit while you're ahead."

"Yeah, yeah." Botan frowned petulantly. "I know."

"Do you think I said that lightly?" I snapped.

He sighed. "No, I don't."

"Then why do you think it's a good idea whatsoever to take it that way?"

"I understand, Lord Ieyasu, I do. I'm here to guard a princess. I'll prove my loyalty by doing that job to the best of my ability."

"Funny," I scoffed. "A ronin talking about loyalty."

That was the first time my words actually seemed to get under his skin. He shot me a glare. "I do what I have to do to survive. I'm sure you understand."

I did, but not enough to really regret what I'd said. If he couldn't handle me being a bit critical, he probably couldn't handle our life. "It's a bit too much credit to call yourself a guard, isn't it?"

"So I'm a glorified babysitter." Botan glanced at me askance and smirked. "Like you and Lord Hideyoshi, with Lord Mitsunari."

"Lay off it."

He chuckled. "Of course. You know, you may not like me, Lord Ieyasu, but I think you're a decent person."

"I'm positively moved by your appraisal."

"Ha. Ha," Botan drawled.

"Look, I don't really care about where you came from or what you've been through. We're fighting for the future now. It doesn't matter anymore what's behind us."

"It's not that easy, though," he murmured.

No. No, I am not curious at all, because I have no reason whatsoever to care about this person. And I genuinely didn't care. Lots of people had a sad story to them. Not one of us was unique.

"Anyways, I actually have important things to do. So if you'll leave me alone, I'd appreciate it. Go back to your, you know, _job_. Guarding Mai," I suggested dryly.

Botan actually blushed. "Yeah. They should be… done. By now."

"Just go," I sighed, and he spun on his heel. Good riddance.

"Lord Ieyasu," he said before I had gone more than five steps.

What now? "Yes?" That single word was filled with exhaustion and reluctance.

"Thanks again. For talking with me." Botan dipped his head before running off.

So he was a sincere person. I hated that too, but… In small doses it wouldn't be too intolerable. Maybe.


	3. Chapter 3

I took a few deep breaths before gently rapping on the entrance to the princess's room. I'd run all the way there because Ieyasu had a point. The sooner I made myself useful, the sooner I would earn my place. Maybe if and when the warlords started to trust me a bit more, I would be able to get away with asking a few questions.

"Hello?" Her voice reached me, and somehow I was wistful. A girl living as a girl, absolutely normal. How lucky.

"I'm Botan, your new guard. May I come in?"

"Sure!"

I ducked in to see a girl with a garment draped over her lap and a needle in her hand. "So it's true. A princess who helps with the chores."

She laughed. "I'd go crazy if I sat around doing nothing."

"I see." Was now a good time to bring up the thin walls and the dangers they presented? Likely not.

"So…" She shifted uncomfortably. "You'll be hanging around a lot?"

"Yes. But I'm perfectly content to sit outside your door until I'm needed as an escort wherever you'd like to go. I respect a woman's need for privacy."

Relief spread across her face. "I'd appreciate it."

"That's… a pretty kimono," I commented carefully. "The one you're working on." When was the last time I'd worn one? Ah, I missed them. I'd felt pretty before, wearing flowery pastel garments. It had been a good long time since I'd thought of myself as compatible with that word.

"Do you think so?" She grinned with delight. "I was worried because this was a relatively expensive fabric and I didn't want to risk messing it up, but…" Then she laughed. "You probably don't care about this."

"No, I do." I sat down near her. "I've never had a chance to learn how clothes are made." My mother had said she would teach me at some point, but all I knew now was basic mending.

The princess's eyes lit up. "Okay. Just stop me if you have any questions." For no less than two hours, she took me through the craft of sewing. Some of it, at least. The different tools, the difference of technique when making haori versus hakama, kimono or kosode, color pallets, dying fabric, accessories… My head was pleasantly spinning by the end. "Woah. I'm impressed you've managed to stay engaged!" She interrupted herself midway through an explanation of her dream to design fashions and the motivation behind it. "But I'm going down a tangent I really don't need to go down. So what's your story?"

Pillage, destruction, murder. The standard. "I was offered this job just today. I'm here to protect you, is what I was told, but I think I'm here to keep you company as well." I paused. "Because the warlords might become busier soon."

Mai's face fell. "This _is_ the Sengoku…"

"Hm?" I tilted my head.

"What I mean is that, well, I know that this time period, or this period of time is, er…" She sighed. "I don't want there to be a war, but someone did try to kill Nobunaga. Something is bound to happen. I just hope things can stay calm. As calm as they can, considering who we're dealing with."

"Yes." Hopefully it wouldn't come to that, but… Why else would they bother hiring a bodyguard? I needed to change the subject. It wouldn't do to make Mai feel miserable. "Speaking of him… Nobunaga Oda…"

"Yes?" Her cheeks flushed.

"The two of you are in a relationship."

"I-It's… Yes."

"I respect that. It's your private life, and all that. But. Well. That." I pointed to the wall behind me.

Her brow furrowed with confusion. "What?"

"Noise comes through. Understand?"

She covered her face with her hands, and her next words came out in a squeak. "Yes, I get it. Okay. So let's never talk about this again."

"Yep." No wonder she was so embarrassed. From her perspective, she was talking to a man who was a stranger about her sex life, not a fellow woman. Not that the alternative would be any less mortifying. "So let's say, give me a verbal warning when about to engage or knock five times on a hard surface where I can hear and I'll distance myself so we can both be comfortable but I'll still be able to reach you in the case of emergency."

Mai dropped her hands to her lap. "I'm sorry. I'm sure that wasn't… pleasant for you."

I shook my head. "It's fine." Then I paused. It was just the two of us, and Mai didn't seem naturally suspicious like the warlords. "So… What is it like?"

"What?" Her eyes went wide.

"To… You know."

"I don't think that's an appropriate thing for you to ask about." She glared at me.

"Oh. Oh! No no no! That's not what I meant! I meant, what is it like to be in love with someone!" I needed to just shut my mouth from now on.

"Really?" She looked at me, puzzled.

"I've never… been with anyone. In any way. I'm curious," I mumbled. Girl talk about love. This was my first time. It was both horrible and fun, and I was messing the whole thing up regardless because Mai thought I was a man!

She smiled. "It's… nice."

"Nice," I repeated. How underwhelming.

"It's nice, yes. To have someone you can lean on and whom you can support too. To be able to share every part of yourself with them. It's a kind of happiness that feels like…" She paused. "It's wonderful to have earned it. I want to hold on to it forever." Her face fell. "If I can."

"Why wouldn't you be able to?" Yes, I was already rooting for her. She had something I never could, after all. It would be pretty difficult to try forging a relationship without revealing a certain little fact about myself. Why shouldn't she be happy, then?

"It's complicated. But I do love Nobunaga." She gave me an appraising look. "You've never been with a woman?"

"Er, no."

She looked at me for a few seconds, then she gasped. "Unless you like men! Sorry, I just made an assumption."

Hm. Maybe, in case of emergency, that wouldn't be a bad rumor to spread. Especially since it was true. "Yes. I like men."

"Is that… difficult for you?"

"Well, the fact of the matter is that I'm a ronin. We aren't sociable types to begin with." I smiled. "But pederasty is actually a popular practice within the upper class, particularly the samurai."

Her cheeks had become red again, but she spoke calmly. "But you want to fall in love?"

"I…" I hadn't thought about myself or what I wanted. "The truth is that I don't think it's possible for me. So, that's why I got so excited to hear you talk about it. I'm sorry for being invasive."

"I'm sure we can find someone for you!" She exclaimed, and I jumped.

"Huh?"

"I mean, look at all of the eligible bachelors around us! There must be someone who is at least bisexual if not gay!"

"By… sexual? What are you saying?" This conversation had taken so many wrong turns, and it wouldn't do to have her so excited. I was being too forward, not staying guarded enough. Now wasn't the time to be a girl; I had to keep acting as a man. I was Botan, not Sumire.

"Nothing! Nothing at all." Mai frowned. "How about I make you something new to wear? That, I think, would be the first step in attraction."

"I don't want to pursue a relationship," I said firmly. "I'm sorry to have made it seem otherwise."

"I understand. But still… Those clothes look like they're going to fall apart soon. Even if you're single, no, _especially _because you're single you should still have an image that makes you feel confident." Her eyes lit up. "How about we go into town tomorrow? You can tell me what fabric you like."

"Okay. Okay then." She clearly didn't want to take no for an answer. "But I'll pay for the fabric and compensate you for your labor, of course." That pouch of coins I'd basically stolen from Hideyoshi was going to come in handy.

"Tomorrow, then!" She grinned. "Do you have any ideas about what you might want?"

"I'll leave it up to you, primarily, but if I see something I like I'll let you know."

"A chance to exercise my creativity! I'll take it," she laughed.

"Oh. But I like to keep my neck covered. Maybe you should know that."

"Why? If you don't mind sharing."

"It makes me feel safer in battle." That was true in a way. It did make me feel safer since it helped hide my gender.

"Alright, alright…" She pulled a sheath of paper into her lap. I'd never seen its exact style of binding before, but that wasn't particularly important. Mai busied herself, hunching over the paper and drawing something. I remained contentedly silent, happy to let her work.

When an insistent tapping came at the door, I approached it while signaling for Mai to stay where she was. It was obviously not an attacker, but it couldn't hurt to get in the practice of making sure Mai didn't put herself into any potential danger.

"It's me," a soft voice said. "Mitsunari."

"What is it?" I asked as I slid the door open.

"Both of you are requested to be present at a war council." Even after knowing him for such a short time, I could understand that his grim expression was uncharacteristic. "Please follow me."

Mai cast a worried glance at me before we trailed after Mitsunari. I situated myself next to Mai towards the back of the room while discreetly glancing at the rest of the warlords. They were all just as tense as Mitsunari was. Geez, what had I gotten involved in? Hopefully it was worth the pay, and I was willing to put up with a lot for that.

Mitushide looked at me suddenly while my eyes were resting on him, and he smiled that predatory smile of his. I jerked back to face forward. The man was terrifying. He stood and began to speak, since everyone was now gathered together.

"We've discovered the culprit behind the attack on Lord Nobunaga's life," he announced casually, as if he were describing that night's dinner menu. "A man called Kennyo. The former abbot of Hongan-ji."

"I met him!" Mai gasped, then cleared her throat when all eyes in the room shot to her. "The night I arrived here, I met him in the woods right outside Azuchi."

"What a coincidence," Mitsuhide snickered. "But that's additional evidence of his guilt, even if it's circumstantial."

"That's not all of the news we have, though." A man dressed in blue stood, and the eyepatch he wore clued me in to his identity. Masamune Date, the one-eyed dragon. Yet another person whose good side I needed to stay on.

"Well don't keep everyone in suspense," Mitsuhide urged.

"The Tiger of Kai and Dragon of Echigo are still alive," Masamune announced.

"Respectively, Shingen Takeda and Kenshin Uesugi," I explained to Mai under my breath once I noticed her puzzled expression, trying to contain my own shock. If this were the case, that meant only one thing. War was coming. A big, bloody, tragic one.

I placed my hand on Mai's arm when she shuddered, and she cast a grateful look at me before, to my surprise, taking my hand. She was scared, and I understood that fear even more than she knew. "It will be alright," I whispered. "I'll protect you."

"You." And then I looked up to find Nobunaga Oda's eyes boring into my face. "What is your name?"

"Lord Nobunaga, this is the guard I informed you about earlier," Hideyoshi supplied.

"I was talking to him, Hideyoshi." Nobunaga gestured to me lamely. "Stand up."

Great. This was just great. "Sir," I said quietly, and kept my arms stiffly at my sides after standing. Now it was me everyone was staring at, with largely varying levels of interest. Mitushide looked incredibly amused while Ieyasu was entirely nonplussed.

"Awfully forward of you, to so casually lay hands on another man's woman," Nobunaga commented.

Seriously? Was this the time? I glanced back at Mai, and she shook her head.

"He's like this sometimes. The people here don't understand the concept of feminism. Nobunaga, the possessive thing really isn't attractive," she said loudly. "Leave Botan alone."

He looked dissatisfied, but not angry. Actually, her scolding seemed to work a bit, as he looked properly abashed. And what, exactly, was feminism? Still, it would be better for me to put his mind at ease. "Respectfully, Lord Nobunaga," I began while bowing at the waist. "Someone like yourself would be more to my taste than Lady Mai, if you take my meaning." Well, it was true.

He laughed. "You should see the expressions of the men around you. Very amusing."

I turned. Needless to say, they were all rather surprised. Mitsunari was an exception, as he was pleasantly clueless about the whole matter and wearing his standard sweet smile. Even Ieyasu no longer looked so bored about the whole thing, though his face settled back into its regular scowl when my eyes fell on him. Mitsuhide was grinning at me, and I couldn't help but glare at him before turning back to Nobunaga.

"A war is coming, correct?" I asked.

"Yes." This came as a shock to no one, naturally. "That's why I see fit to ask you to prove yourself." He stood and drew his sword in a clean motion.

Oh boy. "Milord?" I asked, backing away a few steps even as the rest of those sitting flocked to hug the walls in anticipation of something that could potentially become quite messy.

"Things have changed. It's one thing for you to be assigned to protect Mai during a time of tentative peace. It's another matter entirely for you to dedicate yourself to her during a time of war." He pointed his blade at me, and its dangerous gleam matched the sharp light of his burning eyes. "If you want to run from this responsibility, ronin, then now is your chance. If not, then prove to me that you are worthy of protecting my woman."

I couldn't run. I couldn't just leave a fellow woman here alone, no matter what that meant for my safety. There was finally a reason for my skills with a blade to exist that wasn't entirely self-serving. It was my duty, my desire, to stay. There was a question I needed to answer and a woman whose fear still felt hot on my hand.

That said, I drew the weapon from the leather case on my hip. Murmurs trickled among the observing warlords at the sight of it. A tekko-kagi, a weapon with three blades like claws that I wore on my left hand while a short sword was clutched in my right. Why this little bout of Nobunaga's couldn't have been done with wooden practice swords, I had no clue.

I made eye contact with Mai, and she nodded to me. She understood her lover enough to know that this was necessary. She mouthed something to me, and I nodded acknowledgement to her words. 'Be careful.'

Nobunaga crossed the room in split second although there was a rather large distance between us. I could only block his attack with my short sword with my left arm pressed to my right so I wouldn't buckle beneath his strength, feeling the shock of the blow rattle me. I almost felt it in my teeth as I gritted them. The Devil King… I was clashing blades with a legend!

"Now isn't the time to be distracted, is it?" He murmured, smiling dangerously.

He was too strong. I couldn't continue to face him head on like this. I wouldn't be able to stand up to many more blows like that, and I had a lot riding on performing well. Besides, it wasn't as if I hadn't fought foes who were bigger and stronger than I was before. That was the nature of being a woman in a man's world.

He drew back to strike again in a blow that would do a good job at cleaving an opponent in half if it struck. These were the crucial moments. I leaped back, crouched, and swiped my tekko-kagi at his leg. Obviously I couldn't go stabbing him in the leg or I would probably be executed by an already very distressed Hideyoshi or very excited Masamune, but of course I knew he would jump back in time. I gave chase and jabbed at him again, feigning blows to his torso which he of course blocked at every turn. This was the point when most of my opponents died, impaled and then ripped apart or struck with a sword when they were focused on defending from the tekko-kagi. Nobunaga Oda was no ordinary opponent, however. He could keep track of what both weapons were doing at once.

He let out an amused bark of a laugh, most definitely enjoying himself at this point. That was probably a trait I would find common among the warlords. My ears rang as the shrill squeal of his blade scraping along mine announced a particularly deadly counterattack. My torso was open in this position if I was disarmed, and Nobunaga's batting of my sword with almost enough force to knock it from my hands did just that. I threw myself to the floor, recollecting myself fast enough to block another blow from above. I was only able to get to my own feet because I kicked his own leg out from underneath him and he briefly retreated to get his footing back. He didn't give his opponents time to breathe; it was just a battle without end until Nobunaga's victory.

Of course I'd known from the start that I wouldn't win. That was why I didn't go around making enemies with warlords. The goal was just to last long enough to prove that I could defeat a lesser opponent. Still, I was the first one to get tired while Nobunaga seemed to gain energy from battle rather than lose it. It ended when, after taking one more of his monstrous blows, my arms gave out. Nobunaga's blade was at my throat while the tekko-kagi was edged against his arm without biting into flesh, though in real combat my death would have been repaid with nothing but a gouge on his part.

"You're dead," he declared.

"And the next powerful opponent will kill you, with this hole in your arm," I replied.

"Hm." He kicked out with a foot and sent me crashing to the ground by sweeping my feet.

"Was that necessary?" I groaned.

Nobunaga laughed, sheathed his sword and pulled me to my feet. "I've never seen a tekko-kagi used as a primary weapon of choice instead of a katana." His eyes shone with interest. "I'd like to see more."

"I'll take that as a compliment." Also, did this mean I was retaining my job? The way he was slapping my back seemed to be fairly good indication, even though I now had to hide how much that hurt.

"I had been wondering what was in that case of yours," Hideyoshi commented as the spectators rejoined us.

I nodded, retrieved my short sword and cased all my blades neatly and safely. "Yep." I was just glad he didn't ask what was in the extra pouches at my waist, as they were filled with poisons I'd ground up myself and might come off as a wee suspicious.

"Are you okay?" Mai touched my arm.

A few bruises were inevitable, but I would count myself lucky to have escaped from a spar against the Devil King with just that. "I'm fine." I chuckled as Nobunaga seized her by the waist and pulled her to him. An incurably jealous man, it seemed. How very… human of him.

"Tell me your full name," Nobunaga ordered me as he played with a lock of Mai's hair.

"Botan. I've no family name." And no family, that statement implied. The Shinanoki family was almost all gone. I was the only one to remain. Without worrying about semantics, I could say that Botan indeed had no family name. Sumire Shinanoki did, but not my male alias.

He nodded. "You'll be a useful blade. Protect Mai with your life."

"Yes." The pounding in my head and chest faded now that the struggle was over for the moment. We were all going to war, and I wasn't foolish enough to think that I wouldn't be drawing my blades again. Oddly enough, I wasn't afraid. This was something real to fight for, for the first time. If I could keep my life, maybe, just maybe, I would find meaning here.


	4. Chapter 4

Hello, all. I hope you are doing well and enjoying the story. For this chapter I find an author's note necessary.

This chapter contains discussion of rape. Please consider this a trigger warning if it is needed, and I apologize in advance for any discomfort caused. While rape will continue to be referenced at times throughout the story as a potential danger to women, I'll note now that in no way will this story contain abuse or sexual assault aside from said discussions, and I endeavor to make a more lighthearted reading experience in the future. Thank you for reading.

On a lighter note, am I the only one to imagine some of the bachelors in IkeSen as disaster bis (or disaster gays, what have you)? No, yes? Ahaha...

*Ieyasu Tokugawa*

A banquet. On the very night definitive news of war spread through Azuchi, reaching the ears of every person from the strongest soldier to the most naïve child, Nobunaga held a banquet. Of course I understood that the purpose was for it to galvanize the troops, but that didn't make it any less insufferable. It certainly wasn't helpful to have Mitsunari prattling in my ear.

"Why don't you come on over and pour for me, Botan my dear?"

I allowed my attention to be drawn by Mitsuhide's voice from across the table only because he was a hair's breadth more tolerable than Mitsunari. Botan knelt next to the sly fox, muttering incomprehensibly to himself as he nonetheless obeyed. So what, he had already become Mitsuhide's lackey? Not that it was any of my business or that I intended to pry, but it made me wonder what kind of information Mitsuhide had to make Botan so compliant. No self-respecting person would serve him without some blackmail in the mix. It was no longer so suspicious since Mitsuhide had been cleared of being the culprit behind the assassination attempt on Nobunaga, but still.

I'd figured out the cause of the emotion that was almost begrudging curiosity starting to wriggle inside me. Something was off about Botan. Not that this entire situation wasn't ludicrous, but there remained something I couldn't quite understand. But I didn't even know what it was to try to figure it out, so I had to assume I was only suspicious and on edge because of the budding war in our midst.

"What are you staring at, Lord Ieyasu?"

Mitsunari startled me, and I detested him even more for it because his voice was loud enough to get other people to look. "I'm not staring at anything."

"Is it the fish? Would you like seconds?"

"Help yourself!" Masamune declared. "I cooked everything here to be eaten!"

"Everything?" Botan piped up. "You made _everything_ here? That's impressive."

"Of course. Here. You'll get used to eating well." Masamune laughed. "Come on and sit with me instead of Mitsuhide. He'll have you serve him all night if you let him."

The ronin tried not to look too relieved and failed. "Okay." Botan slipped to the other side of the table, squeezing in next to me too close for comfort. His shoulder was somewhat bony as it poked into my arm. He was a bit short, though not much shorter than I was. Not that I was all that short.

Masamune pushed dish after dish in front of the boy. "You're too small. Time to bulk up. Keep eating!" What was he now, Botan's mother? He and Hideyoshi could be surprisingly similar on rare occurrences.

"Okay, okay! I'm doing it!" Botan grinned, although it was clear he was trying not to. I found myself looking at his teeth again. On a woman or a child, that kind of flaw might be considered cute.

"I'll admit that I wasn't so fond of having to watch you attack Lord Nobunaga," Hideyoshi interjected. "But everything has worked out for the best, I think."

"It was less attacking from my point of view than just trying not to die," Botan replied with a laugh. "But I understand why he did it. He must love Mai very much."

"She challenges him, for better or worse. Regardless, it's always amusing," Mitsuhide purred.

"On that note, we don't have to worry about you getting killed for trying to sleep with her," Masamune said bluntly and with amusement. "Doesn't that make you feel better? You just have to make sure not to get killed by our enemies."

"It feels wonderful," Botan muttered.

"I picked you to hire in part because I was aware of your reluctance in terms of courtship," Hideyoshi said carefully. "But it never occurred to me that it was because you weren't attracted to women whatsoever."

"Are you not attracted to them at all? Not even a bit?' Masamune asked, peering down at Botan curiously.

The newcomer smiled. "Nervous I might set my sights on you?"

"Hah! I hadn't even considered that. But I can't imagine it. Have you ever seen a woman's body? It's one of the greatest wonders of this world. What's attractive about a man's body?"

Botan's cheeks reddened. He was just like a kid, as Masamune had called him, to be so embarrassed and immature in regards to this subject. "Well…" He frowned. "I don't know what to tell you, honestly. I'm inexperienced. I thought warlords would be too busy for such dalliances too, but… I suppose not."

"There's always time for a quick rendezvous," Masamune laughed.

"If that's what you want, I suppose. I hadn't thought about that." Botan's frown deepened as he seemed to start retreating into thought.

"Ah. You're one of those who wants the whole thing to be about love, aren't you? I respect it, I suppose, but I could teach you a lot about how to enjoy life."

Wait. Was Masamune… flirting?

"I really don't care!" Botan yelled. He tucked hair behind his ear before shaking his head and crossing his arms.

"I'm just joking with you, kid." Masamune patted Botan's back.

"How drunk are you?" I muttered. "Botan, slap him if you have to. Sooner rather than later."

The boy laughed nervously and pressed to my side a bit. I resisted the urge to shove him away, as Masamune was just as likely to shove him back and make the invasion into my personal space even worse.

"It's nice to see everyone becoming such good friends and being able to talk so honestly," Mitsunari commented with a saccharine smile.

"Yes, it's perfectly lovely," Mitsuhide agreed. He looked far too amused by the whole situation. Masamune was definitely drunk and hitting on the new guy, Hideyoshi looked like he was ready to drag Masamune out by the throat, and Mitsunari was perfectly content to keep sitting there being an idiot. All in all, a typical night. "Botan, dear." Mitsuhide beckoned him over by curling his finger. "Let's take a walk."

"Yes." Botan jumped to his feet and followed Mitsuhide outside.

""Stop it, Masamune!" Hideyoshi hissed as soon as they were out of earshot.

"What?" Masamune briefly feigned innocence but was laughing at Hideyoshi within seconds. "It's not like I'm trying to be cruel and tease the boy."

"You're not? Because that seems like exactly what you're doing."

"He's pretty. Since he's already said he's fine with men, why not? It won't hurt me to try."

Pretty. That's what was strange about Botan. He was pretty, approaching the realm of feminine. With some work, he could pass for a woman. Still, he wasn't the only male in the world that looked like this. It was just that more of these androgynous men turned to trades like kabuki theater or prostitution as opposed to becoming ronin. Most importantly, however, I wasn't interested in Masamune's personal life in this way at all. Time to leave and pretend that this was all just a terrible dream.

"Since when have you been interested in men?" Hideyoshi asked.

"Since I thought about it and it sounded fun enough."

"I think it's a great idea for Masamune to be friends with Botan. We should all do the same," Mitusnari suggested.

"No, no we shouldn't," I muttered. Of course, it didn't matter what any of them did in their spare time. I just wasn't particularly interested in hearing about it. Besides... Sex, love, any such attachment, they were all nothing more than a waste of time when all people were really good for was using one another.

*Sumire "Botan" Shinanoki*

"What is it now?" I asked as Mitsuhide sat down after leading us to a deserted hall with a view of the gardens.

"Don't pretend you're not grateful that I saved you."

I kept stubbornly silent for a few moments as the night breeze caressed my cheeks and lifted my hair from them. "I can handle myself. It's not the first time I've received an unwanted advance."

"Yes, yes, certainly. I have something I would like you to do for me." He paused. "Let us make a deal. You will do three major favors for me. Anything I ask, no matter what the trial, and then your general servitude will expire. If you agree, your secret will be safe. I'll even take steps to make sure you aren't discovered."

As if I had a choice or any real leverage to negotiate with him. "Agreed."

"No hesitation. I appreciate your good sense."

"Sure you do. What is it? Your first favor is coming now, right?'

"What a prophet you are."

"Please just get to the details and stop teasing me."

"Oh, but you're so quickly becoming my second-favorite person to tease."

"Second? How generous of you."

"It's nothing but a small bit of reconnaissance. There's a rat hanging around in Azuchi. I'd like for you to confirm my suspicions about him, since you and Mai are going into town tomorrow regardless. Think of it as a pleasant detour."

"How did you know we were going into town?"

"I know most things that go on in this castle."

"That's not unsettling at all."

"You'll find a young man in red clothes selling women's accessories in the market. I want you to find out who he is, exactly."

"And what makes you think he'll trust me, an armed man in his eyes, enough for me to get information from him?"

Mitsuhide grinned. "Because he won't see a male ronin. He'll see an innocent woman scared of the coming war."

My eyes nearly bugged out of my head. "No. No. Additionally, no." I was doomed. Oh, I was so clearly doomed. "They'll find me out! Dressing as a woman is like asking to be discovered!"

"Please lower your voice, dear."

I glared at him. "Are you trying to get me killed?"

"Which do you think is more suspicious, a man who is afraid of the feminine or a man who is willing to embrace the feminine for the sake of duty?"

"Well I…" I'd never thought about it like that. "If you put it that way, then…"

"You're afraid of being seen as womanly when it's impossible for you not come across as feminine. It would behoove you more to embrace it, joke about it if you have to. Fear stands out more than anything else."

"Okay, I get what you're saying…" And of course he was insufferably correct. "Can I ask you for some advice?"

"Feel free."

"What should I do about Masamune? I mean… he's not the type to… force me, is he?"

"Masamune is many things. Callous, battle-hungry, violent. But he's no monster." Mitsuhide paused. "Have you?"

"Have I what?" My body felt cold all of a sudden.

"Been forced before."

I watched the roses of the garden sway in the wind. "My mother taught me that this world is cruel. She also said that beautiful things can come out of something cruel. So, no, I myself have never been forced, though in the start there were a few times where I was scared." I paused to breathe as I felt my composure cracking. "I never met my father, Mitsuhide. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"I do." This line of questioning was possibly the first time he had spoken to me without laughter in his voice.

"Anyone can be cruel. But I suppose I'm biased to thinking that men can especially be so. I'm scared of this world. That's why I decided to disguise myself as a man, and why my mother advised that, I think." I wanted to hold someone, for someone to hold me in that moment. I wanted to be comforted, but Mitsuhide certainly wasn't the right person to go to for that. "People become more violent in wartime. Women are property, things to be used. There's no… love, anywhere." I shifted to be sitting farther away from Mitsuhide. "Never mind. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore."

"What are you fighting for, Botan?"

I didn't want to be called Botan when I was revealing one of the deepest parts of myself. I wanted to hear my real name from someone's lips, I wanted to cry on a supportive shoulder.

"Botan." Mitushide's voice shocked me back to reality. "My question still stands."

"Survival. I also want to protect Mai. As a woman, she doesn't deserve to be caught in her lover's war." Well that, and… "My village, Mitsuhide." I'd proven myself in combat to Nobunaga Oda himself. Kind of. That earned me a mention of what had happened, at least. "Six years ago, men claiming to be Oda soldiers took my home away from me. I barely believed that before, but… Now, being here, I just know it's not true. But who was it? I want to know, but up until now it's been enough to make it day by day. With war coming, I don't think I'll find the answers. But I really would like to know."

"Why? What will it do for you to know?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe I'll be able to believe in justice again." I laughed hollowly. "But… None of this matters right now."

"I'll look into it for you. There must be word around on an attack at that time. Someone somewhere knows something. That's always the case."

"What?" Mitushide offering to do something generous and quite possibly fruitless? "What's the catch?"

"You do three more favors for me."

"So I'll owe you five after I do what you just mentioned in the market tomorrow?"

"Yes. You're very good at counting."

"Ha. Ha." I shook my head. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me. Just listen. I'm going to give you a few tips on gathering information."

"Okay." He took me through what questions to ask, what was the best way to act, whatnot. When he was finished and I confirmed that I understood, we sat in silence for a few minutes.

"I've left some supplies in your room. I think they will suit you."

"I'm sure," I sighed, feeling exhausted now. I hadn't come here intending to spill my past to Mitsuhide. It was far too obvious that I wanted comfort. "I'll be going. I should check on Mai. I'll report to you when I get back tomorrow."

"Botan."

I stiffened reflexively. "What now?"

"I'm looking forward to seeing you all dressed up." He smirked. "Do your best."

I rolled my eyes and started to walk away. "Goodnight, Mitsuhide." We weren't exactly friends, but he was a person who I didn't have to keep quite as many secrets from. That was enough.

As I was getting dressed for Mitsuhide's mission the following afternoon, Mai squealed to me from her own room. "I can't believe this!"

"Neither can I," I groaned. Of course I had told her about my mission, which forced us to take a detour on what had been meant to be a fairly relaxing trip to town.

"Is it bad that I'm excited? It is, isn't it."

"One of us should feel something nice," I said under my breath. Mitsuhide had dropped off a simple white kimono with a pink floral pattern and sandals with short socks in my room at some point the day before. A green shawl let me hide my chest, which I kept bound still. He'd also been smart enough to leave a necklace that covered the necessary part of my throat there. Only now did it occur to me how frustrating it was that he could afford to be so presumptuous. Of course he'd known I would agree to his request for today. "I'm ready. Let's go." I combed my fingers through my hair as I stepped into the hallway to meet Mai. It had been a long time since I'd worn it down.

"You look like a girl! Honestly!" She'd done light makeup before I changed and seemed quite proud of herself.

"That's the goal." It still felt wrong. I actually was a woman, but after so long disguising myself it was scary to not hide behind a masculine veneer.

"Oh, but your voice is still a little off. Not that it's bad, but… It's a male voice."

I cleared my throat. "Okay. Listen to this. Does this sound better?" My real voice. A bit deeper than a usual girl's, maybe, whatever usual was, but still a good deal higher than my forced male tone.

"If I didn't know you, I'd think you _were_ a girl."

"We should go, then." As we walked down the halls, I heard whistling from behind us.

"Looking good, lass and _lass_." Masamune winked at me. It would have perhaps comical what with his other eye covered, since for all I knew he might have just been blinking, but he managed to make it look roguishly charming. Still, I couldn't help but be a bit uncomfortable around him.

"Live it up. Go ahead," I sighed. Ieyasu was at his side, scrutinizing me with nothing revealed in his expression. Would that I could be so stone-faced.

"Good luck on your mission, yeah?" Masamune smiled encouragingly. It was just as Mitsuhide had assured me. I didn't get the sense that he was a bad person.

"Er, yes." I dipped my head and turned away, then peeked at Ieyasu again. "Ieyasu. I have a request."

His eyes widened for a second before his expression sunk back into neutrality. "What?"

"Please teach me more about medicine."

"Why should I?"

"Protecting Lady Mai is my duty. Protection can fall under not only combat but knowledge of medicine as well. That way, if I fail in one category, I can still protect her by succeeding in the other."

"Hm…" He crossed his arms, thoughts clearly battling.

"The lass makes a convincing argument, you've got to admit," Masamune chimed in.

"I'm not a 'lass'!" I exclaimed, feeling my cheeks go hot in embarrassment and indignation.

"But you make such a cute one," he laughed.

"Fine!" Ieyasu barked loudly. "I'll teach you. But I'll expect every ounce of your discipline. Any less and you're on your own. Understand?"

"Yes." Once again, he'd saved me inadvertently from a conversation I didn't want to have just by being his cantankerous self. I smiled at him, conveying an appreciation I knew he wouldn't accept.

"You're insufferable," he muttered before turning away.

"Take care, lass!" Masamune threw over his shoulder as he followed his companion.

"They're…" I sighed.

"Insane," Mai supplied. "But I've actually never seen Ieyasu like that with anyone."

"Hm?"

"I don't know. He doesn't know what to do with you at all. It's almost refreshing to watch him so off balance. He was surprised by me being even mildly sassy at first, but now that he's used to it he just brushes me off. Not that he hates me, but he's not exactly affectionate either."

"I see." He did seem like the least likely of the warlords to let someone get closer, though they were all bound to have their own stories. "Erm, Mai?" I didn't speak again until we had crossed the threshold of the castle and were nearing market streets. I could smell tantalizing sweet and savory aromas, hear both good-natured and angered haggling between merchants and customers.

"Yeah?" Mai smiled at the sights that were doubtless familiar and comforting to her.

"I was wondering. What do you think of people who keep large secrets from the people they care about?"

She glanced at me before returning her gaze to what was in front of her. "I think it depends on the reason. Why?"

"I was wondering."

"Are you hiding something?"

"Yes. And I'm only telling you this because I sincerely want to protect you. I want to be honest, because for reasons of my own I really do care about you, even if it must seem very forward and too fast for me to say it. But if I have my way this secret will always be between us." She was Nobunaga's woman, after all. Not the first person I'd trust with the truth of my gender. Mitsuhide knowing was already too much. I felt a strong need to flee from Azuchi and its people. Hopefully this would be a quick war.

"I won't claim to understand you, and I can't promise that whatever it is holding you back won't bother me. But, as long as you're here and we're kind to each other, both fighting for the things we care for, I won't have a problem," Mai stated firmly before turning a warm smile on me. It was easy to see how the devil-king had fallen for her. "Is that enough for now?"

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. She was kind. Far kinder than I deserved. Something told me that she wouldn't hold my secret against me, but after hiding myself for so long it wasn't so simple to go around sharing. Never mind the humiliation of being so effortlessly revealed by Mitsuhide. I didn't have the confidence not to become more fearful if more people knew.

"That's him… The one Mitsuhide mentioned," I finally said. "Mai, stay close but let me talk to him alone. Please," I added apologetically. A young man with brown hair and red clothes, looking bored and uncomfortable while sitting before his stand. I took a breath, tucked hair behind my ear, and knelt before him.

"I haven't seen you around," I commented innocently. "Then again, I'm a bit new here myself. What brought you to Azuchi?"

"Merchants follow where the business goes," the man said gruffly.

Or, the more likely reason if Mitsuhide's intuition was correct, he had come to spy as the whispers of war had become louder. "Lord Nobunaga's lands are becoming vaster and more prosperous. It's not surprising you found yourself drawn to this area. Isn't Azuchi lovely?"

"It's as nice as any place."

"Um…" I lowered my voice, sounding fearful and weak. "Do you… carry a sword?"

His eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly. "Why do you ask?"

"Didn't you hear? War is coming. With Shingen Takeda and Kenshin Uesugi. Can you believe it?" I shuddered. "Two monsters back from the dead."

The merchant nodded, though he certainly didn't look sympathetic to my supposed fear. "War is awful, to be sure."

I poked at a few accessories, admittedly attracted to a few of them. "I'm sorry to be gushing like this. And it's not like I don't have confidence in Lord Nobunaga's army. They'll surely crush anyone who tries to harm us. Especially cowards who pretended to be dead." I glanced over the boy covertly while pretending to still be perusing the items. His hands were clenched into fists. The night before, Mitsuhide had told me that physical quirks would tell me far more than a person's words would. Thinking of that, I noticed more. The boy's lips were slightly pursed, and his body wasn't relaxed at all. I didn't need him to say anything else. My taunts had revealed his sympathies to our enemies. That wasn't enough to declare him a spy for sure, but hopefully Mitsuhide would be happy enough with this much.

"Are you going to buy something? There's another customer waiting." The boy said sharply.

I looked over my shoulder and saw none other than Mai standing there, glaring down at me. I shouldn't have been surprised that she'd not stayed away as I'd requested, but I was. More surprising was her ire towards me.

"Are you okay, Yuki?" She asked.

So they knew each other? My guess was that Mitsuhide wasn't aware of that, and perhaps it would be better for Mai if it remained that way. But more importantly, she had called this man Yuki. A man in red with some amount of loyalty or at the very least sympathy to the Takeda-Uesugi alliance. A man named Yuki. So this was likely, perhaps obviously, Yukimura Sanada, another famed warrior thought to be dead along with his lord Shingen Takeda.

"I'm fine," Yuki clipped.

"I'll leave. Once again, I'm sorry. I just… needed to talk out my worries. I apologize." I bowed formally to the man before turning away. "… Mai?"

"I'll stay here." She didn't look at me as she bent before her apparent friend.

Great. Something else to worry about. The most pressing concern now was what, or how much, rather, to tell Mitsuhide. Seemed the princess's loyalties weren't exactly clear, if my suspicions were correct. Quite the job I'd gotten.


	5. Chapter 5

*Ieyasu Tokugawa*

"Weren't we going that way?" Masamune gestured to where Mai and Botan were still standing, almost ready to go into the town, where I'd just rushed away from them.

"No," I muttered. Actually yes, but that didn't matter anymore. I had an idea.

Once we passed a corner where Mai and Botan wouldn't be able to see us, I leaned against the wall and crossed my arms, waiting.

"What are we doing?" Masamune sounded a bit too pleased to be sneaking around.

"We're going to search Botan's room."

"What for?"

"What do you mean, 'what for?'" I scoffed. "A ronin comes in and asks me to teach him medicine, gets close to Mitsuhide within a day of coming here, and has a position alongside the woman closest to Nobunaga. Why wouldn't we search his quarters for anything suspicious?"

"Fair." Masamune peeked out after we'd waited for a few more minutes. "They're gone."

I strode past him wordlessly. There was something more to Botan, something that he was hiding. I couldn't put my finger on it and was determined to find out. We hadn't fought so hard and suffered so much for the goal of unification to let some random killer for hire strike us at the heart. I would find it, this thing that was making me so wary.

The room was utterly devoid of character. The only change from when Hideyoshi had set it up was that Botan's clothes were neatly folded upon the bed with the leather pack and pouches he wore atop them. It made sense that a ronin wouldn't have many personal possessions. They roamed from place to place too much to tote anything substantial.

"Looks fairly innocent," Masamune commented.

"You're desire to take the boy to bed is clouding your judgement," I muttered wryly.

"It's not my fault he's got me a bit curious about what's so good about the other side." Masamune shrugged and got Botan's weapons out from their case, admiring them with a slight smirk. "He takes good care of them." They were indeed freshly polished and looked as if they were sharpened often. They had a few nicks, however, that told of frequent use and perhaps a few harsh fights.

I was more interested in the pouches, however. The small white bundles with drawstrings that were primarily hidden by the haori Botan wore had caught my attention primarily because they had been concealed. Why hide them? Upon opening them I found small vials there. Medicines? How anticlimactic. I wrinkled my nose after smelling each one in turn. The bitterness that wafted up my nose and lingered in clouds at the roof of my mouth reminded me of long days of picking herbs and mixing my own poultices. They were all familiar until I got to the last one. I couldn't tell what was in it instantly. I knew it, but it was such a fleeting memory.

"What is it?" Masamune looked at me with narrowed eyes, instantly catching onto my creeping tension.

"Monkshood," I realized only once the word slipped from my mouth. It was the color that betrayed it, the dark hue straddling blue and purple. I hadn't recognized the scent instantly because I'd learned quickly to avoid the flower and its dangerous toxins. My hand tightened around the vial as I glared at Masamune, anger directed not at him but at our own carelessness in allowing this stranger into our midst. "Poison. Does Botan still seem so innocent?"

Masamune gripped the hilt of his sword. "We should tell the others."

"Botan is alone with Mai right now," I said tightly.

Masamune's fingers flexed like he wanted to cut something, but his expression was uncertain. "I don't think he'll hurt her. Remember the way he looked at her last night? I think he genuinely wants to protect her."

"Please," I muttered. "I thought you knew better than to place your trust in others so carelessly." I knew better, though. I knew how people used one another, and it was clear now that Botan had used us for whatever it was he'd clumsily and insipidly come here to do. That was what was most intolerable. "You can hold back if you want to, but I'll end this." It was time to involve Hideyoshi and Mitsuhide, at least, and Nobunaga would likely want to deal with Botan himself in the end.

"No. Of course I'm coming with you."

I nodded, glad at least that he wasn't foolish enough to not suspect Botan on the basis of whatever goodness Masamune seemed to sense in the boy. Glad that I was completely able to ignore my own sense of that same thing as well. This was my reason triumphing rightfully over my emotion. We wouldn't be used or manipulated by anyone.

*Sumire "Botan" Shinanoki*

It wasn't as if I could stroll back into the castle without Mai by my side—the warlords would probably cut me in half if I dared to be that negligent—so I followed her around the town at a respectful distance until she was ready to return.

Her expression, when she was back at my side, told me she was still angry. I was starting to get irked myself. "You've no good reason to be angry with me," I stated calmly while neither of us met the other's eyes.

"No reason!" She repeated with a laugh. "You were being so cruel to Yuki!"

"Because that was my job." I hesitated to reveal more to her, but it seemed that she was personally invested. "Mitsuhide suspects that boy of being a spy. He asked me to talk to him in the market today to see if I could notice anything."

"Yukim...! Yuki isn't a spy! He's just a merchant, for God's sakes!"

She'd almost called him Yukimura. So she knew. "Mai. You love Nobunaga, don't you?"

She blinked a few times, caught off guard by the change of subject. "Of course I do. He's… He's more precious to me than anyone else."

"Then you can't afford to play both sides." I eyed her stonily. "Understand?"

"I… Yuki isn't a bad person. None of them are bad people."

The castle was back in sight, and we approached the entrance steadily. "And yet we are about to go to war," I murmured. "Goodness doesn't matter when contrasting ideals collide. That's just how it is."

"Botan, I've already made up my mind. I'm not going to pick sides. I'm going to respect every person here for what and who they are." She looked at me clearly and with determination. It was a choice I couldn't fathom.

"I don't have the strength or the privilege to be able to make a choice like that," I said quietly, then laughed. "Mai, sometimes you don't seem like you're a part of this world." Like an angel fallen down to try spreading her ideals.

"Well, I…" She bit her lip. "Botan…" She trailed off and squinted ahead of us as we were unexpectedly approached by four warlords: Hideyoshi, Ieyasu, Mitsuhide, and Masamune.

"Do they always greet you with such a warm reception when you come back from a casual outing?" I asked, eyebrows raised.

"I don't think their intentions are that positive…" Mai said slowly as she clutched my wrist.

"Mai, step back," Hideyoshi ordered shortly while pulling her away from me.

"What's –" I began, but caught my breath with shock and fear when the tip of Masamune's blade was pressed against my throat. I'd barely had the time to register the flash of it from its hilt into the air. "Woah. Woah." I raised my hands slowly in surrender. "What's going on?"

"Stop it!" Mai protested. "What are you guys doing?!"

"Explain the poison we found in your room," Ieyasu said calmly, holding up one of the small containers I kept with me.

So they suspected me of being an assassin. Of course. I glanced at Masamune and found his eyes focused on me with blazing murderous intent. Deep down I respected how careful they were, but having their anger directed at me was one of the most frightful experiences of my life. "I made it –" I croaked, then squeaked when Masamune's sword pricked my skin clearly on purpose. A short, sharp scream from Mai cut into the sudden silence after my utterance. "I made it for myself."

No one spoke and, not sure if they were pacified by this basic explanation, I continued in a frantic rush. "Monkshood is only lethal if swallowed. I mixed it with nightshade berries and hemlock to… get out of a bad situation if I need to." I met Mitsuhide's eyes pleadingly as I spoke, hoping he would understand more than anyone exactly what I was referring to.

"What kind of situation?" Hideyoshi asked.

"Interrogation," I lied. "Torture. I'm sure you can imagine."

"I surely can," Mitsuhide said smoothly, gliding over to put an arm around my shoulder. "In fact, I've got a good deal of personal experience." I couldn't tell what he meant to do. Was he going to drag me down to some spider-infested dungeon and torture me? Had I made the worst mistake in an ally I could have possibly made? "You see, Botan," Mitsuhide continued, "I think this whole incident was likely a misunderstanding. So you can wipe the terror from your face."

I sucked in a soft breath when Masamune sheathed his blade in a swift movement. "Do you believe him?" He asked Mitsuhide.

"I do." With that, Mitsuhide snatched the vial of poison from Ieyasu's hand and started to guide me away. "I think it's best to let the matter go now."

"Botan!" Mai called, and I smiled weakly at her over my shoulder. None of the other warlords made a move, and just as quickly as it had begun the inquisition had ended. Behind me I heard Mai starting to yell at the remaining three warlords.

"Quite the day you've had," Mitsuhide commented thoughtfully.

"You're incorrigible," I whispered, touching the thin trail of blood on my throat. It was nothing major, but it still gave me chills.

"Some things are worse than death, is that it?" I could barely hear him and only nodded in response. "Everyone was suspicious of Mai at first as well, but nothing like that ever happened."

"I know that all of you were only taking precautions."

"Don't treat it as if I've apologized. I'm very aware we did nothing wrong." We were standing before my room now, and Mitushide's heavy arm left my shoulders. "What happened in the market?"

"The boy is likely a spy. I've suspicions that he's Yukimura Sanada."

"I see." Mitsuhide nodded, plans clearly forming in his mind. "That's all. You clearly need some time for yourself."

"I'm _fine_." I glared up at him only to be met with his inscrutable smile.

"Of course you are." He left me with those teasing words.

I was fine. That was the truth. Something like this wasn't enough to shake me for good. My hands trembled slightly from the adrenaline of the moment as I changed back into my masculine clothes, but…

I wasn't fine. I didn't want to be afraid anymore.

*Ieyasu Tokugawa*

"I feel lower than a maggot," Masamune commented lamely. After Mitsuhide's departure, he, Hideyoshi and I had found somewhere to sit and talk in private while reviewing the situation. Mai had stomped off to Nobunaga's room, likely to complain to him after screaming at us about mistreating poor little Botan. Great.

"I did my research before recruiting Botan," Hideyoshi stated. "I'd suspected this would be us worrying needlessly."

"You talk as if you weren't the angriest of all of us that he might be a threat to Nobunaga," I interjected.

"Of course I was! But I didn't bring him into our ranks lightly. So, Ieyasu, don't think that I was being foolish in doing so. I know that you've been reluctant about this from the start." Hideyoshi chided me like a child and it rather made me want to punch him in the face.

"And why wouldn't I?" I snapped.

Hideyoshi shook his head. "It's over now. We did the right thing in making sure that our lord was protected. Botan will understand that."

"If he doesn't turn tail," I muttered.

"Could you blame him if he did? He could find work where his employers don't try to kill him." Masamune frowned. "Probably. But anyways, why were you so insistent, Ieyasu?"

"Excuse me?" Hideyoshi I expected, but now Masamune was on me? Today wasn't my day.

"The truth is that this only happened because you were suspicious and got us all caught up in it." He held up a hand before my inevitable protest. "And I'm not saying I wasn't out for blood when I saw that poison. We have to be careful of new faces even if we did have good intentions with bringing Botan here. It was the same with Mai. But this felt different. Like we jumped to conclusions."

"You of all people are saying that?" I asked flatly.

"Because I can tell the difference between what's personal and what's you thinking smart. This was the former. So what happened?"

"I know he's hiding something," I explained slowly. "And the poison confirmed what I suspected. I can't accept someone among us who's being so secretive."

"What, like you don't have secrets? Things you'd rather not talk about?" Hideyoshi asked sternly, fully reverting to a mother role now that the crisis was over.

I opened my mouth but didn't speak. Much as I hated to admit it, they were right. That was it. The answer was in the past. Botan reminded me of myself. Hurt and afraid of something. It was those eyes, constantly showing off those emotions. I'd once been the same way. I'd been used and mistreated. I couldn't stand seeing someone who was the same and yet making nothing of themselves, losing their way completely in the world with no goals or aspirations. The strong stood up after trauma and found something to fight for like I had found Nobunaga and his desire for unification to dedicate myself to. Botan was a ronin, a merciless and soulless killer for hire. Yes, it was personal. I hated the man.

"So, Ieyasu. I think you should go talk to Botan." Hideyoshi smiled slightly as he said it.

"Is that supposed to be an order?" I asked, trying to mentally light him on fire with a scathing glare.

"It's a strong suggestion."

"Why should I?"

"We should try to repair the bridge we broke as soon as possible. You apologized to Mai, remember, for how you treated her when she first got here? We all did. Except Mitsuhide, but that's another matter entirely. Botan is just our next Mai. Think of it like that. He's an ally and we should try to build a good relationship with him. Having that relationship will only make us stronger."

"Then why don't you or Masamune do it?"

"Because it's obvious that you started this." Masamune smiled in mock helplessness at me. "Just do it. You don't have to coddle the lad, but just fix what you can. Especially since Mai seems so fond of him."

"Lord Nobunaga as well," Hideyoshi added in an oh-so-helpful manner.

"Fine!" So here I was, being punished for protecting the leader of our revolution. My favorite. "I'll go." At least I would only have to interact with Botan for a short while. Nothing would come of this at all. As it very well should be.

Humiliated but feeling calmly resolved nonetheless, I dragged myself over to Botan's room and rapped on the door. When it opened, he only greeted me by raising his eyebrows expectantly. When I waited for him to speak in turn, the air only became more awkward.

I cleared my throat. "I came to… apologize."

Botan stared at me without replying for a bit, and I was almost unnerved until he smirked all of a sudden. "Hideyoshi's orders?"

"And Masamune's," I grumbled.

"Well, apology accepted. No need to force yourself." He closed the door and it was somehow worse because his tone was so friendly. The forgiveness was honest, but it was clear he wasn't too fond of me. The feeling was mutual, but I hadn't exactly mended any bridges yet. We _were _going to be on the battlefield together and might even end up fighting side by side if worst came to worst. Just this once, I needed to try to get closer.

"Botan," I called, feeling as if my guts were being dragged up through my throat.

He opened the door again and regarded me tiredly. "Hm?"

He certainly wasn't going to make this easy for me. "Do you want to learn more about medicine?"

*Sumire "Botan" Shinanoki*

It was hard for me to keep up with Ieyasu on the way to his residence, as he seemed to be trying his best to leave me behind. Maybe it had been the wrong choice for me to accept his offer, but I'd felt sorry for him. It was clear that he didn't want to be there. Besides, I was curious to see what he would teach me. He was supposed to be an expert.

His dwelling was what I had expected form him. Crisp and clean with little decoration. A calm garden without flowers but perhaps more lovely for its simple shrubberies and the small sounds of a pond. And next to that pond was…

"Ieyasu!" I hissed, seizing his arm and yanking him to a halt.

"What?" He hissed back.

"There's a deer over there. I'm going to go kill it. So please don't startle it."

"DON'T YOU DARE HURT WASABI!"

I jumped, letting out a yelp as I held up both arms in surrender. Admittedly, I'd been shocked by the outburst. He hadn't seemed like he carried that amount of passion within him. "Geez…" When I glanced behind my shoulder, the creature had disappeared. "I asked you not to startle it."

"Do you always go onto other people's property and immediately start killing things?'

"That's beside the point. Do you know what a good chance that was? I could use a deer for so many things. Food, clothes, trading…"

"You don't have to do that anymore. You're going to be taken care of as long as you're in Nobunaga's employ."

He had a point. I'd started to after the deer on instinct. "But how long is that going to last?" I wondered aloud.

"Come again?" Ieyasu's frown deepened.

"When I'm no longer needed, my status will go back to how it was. I'll just be a man with a sword. No land, family or wealth. Nothing to my name. So… There's no point in getting used to being taken care of."

"That all depends on how the war goes. If we lose, we'll all be in dire straits. If we win, Nobunaga will probably give you _some _land to reward your efforts. Provided you don't get yourself or more importantly Mai killed. So for now focus on not dying and then see where you end up."

Maybe that was his version of being considerate? Regardless, his words were comforting. "Hey, Ieyasu."

"What?" He eyed me suspiciously.

"If we lose the war and become starving and hopeless, at least we can come here to find a deer to eat first."

"Mention Wasabi one more time and I'll toss you into that pond and hope you drown."

"How deep is the pond?"

He glared at me. "If you keep begging to find out, then you will."

"Ooh. Scary." I laughed heartily at him. "You're funny, Ieyasu." I changed the subject quickly before he could scathe some more. "So what's Wasabi?" It was a pet, then?

"A paste that often serves as a pungent condiment."

I laughed again. "Don't try to be smart. You know what I meant."

He sighed. "Wasabi is the deer's name."

"How did it come to live here?"

"She was hurt." The way he put it so shortly made it clear he didn't want to elaborate.

"And you healed her." It was the logical conclusion. "Aw, you _do _have a heart!" It was just his initial attitude that was the problem, then. He stopped walking, and I almost bumped into him. "Ieyasu?"

When he turned around, his customary frown had shifted. It wasn't the angry warding scowl it usually was but rather a pinch that was almost… embarrassed? I tried to bite back a laugh, but a small titter escaped me anyhow. Hard to help it when this grumpy little whelp was almost being cute.

"Alright. Into the pond you go."

"What? No!" I yelled, pitch fluctuating wildly as he seized me, my body ending up thrown over his shoulder with my fists batting ineffectively on his back. "Unhand me, cur!"

"This is what you get for being an insufferable little child."

"_You're_ calling _me_ childish? Ha! Ha!" He wasn't going to go through with this, was he? He wasn't that immature. No wait, he definitely was. He wouldn't have threatened to throw me into a pond in the first place is he wasn't. We got closer and closer to the water, and I realized what might happen. Getting wet meant that my clothes would cling to me. That meant that he might see more of my shape, which was usually concealed with mildly baggy but not too oversized clothes. It also meant that I might have to change clothes while here, and that wasn't so safe either when there were so many random maids I didn't know or trust present. Besides…

Ieyasu's own body was so close. He'd grabbed me and was preventing my escape so easily. I hated it so much. It wasn't fair for him as a man to be so simply stronger than I was. No matter how hard I worked, there were differences between us. If I'd had the privileges of nobility, having time to train as much as I wanted and eat as much as I wanted without having to watch my back, I would have been able to catch up. The whole situation was revolting in a way, and I hated myself for thinking thoughts like how I might not ever get the chance to be this close to a male body again, how I might not ever be able to hold anyone so casually like he was grasping me. The only reason I was even in this position was because he thought I was a man and so didn't think anything of touching me. It was laughable and pathetic. I wanted to touch and be touched. Maybe I would get that opportunity someday, and there was a chance that if I put a good deal of effort into it I could make it, but I wasn't sure I would know how to love in the romantic sense even if I could.

Geez, just a simple touch and my thoughts were out of control. There had to be a simple way to put these feelings, but I didn't know what it was.

I gave a start when he heaved me into his arms in a more traditional bridal style, as the hold was called, and prepared to toss me in, expression neutral. No no no no no! "D-Don't let go!" I gasped, flinging my arms around his neck in a veritable chokehold and burying my face there. "Or I'll kick you somewhere you don't want to be kicked!"

"Woah!" Ieyasu dropped me, so all of my weight was bearing on his neck like a dead weight. He stumbled but managed not to topple into the water. Instead, he fell backwards and we landed in a heap. "I blame you for this," he groaned.

"The feeling is mutual," I replied, rolling off of him in a hurry.

"Why so panicked anyways?" He stood and brushed himself off, leaving me to pick myself up.

"I... can't stay afloat," I lied.

"The pond isn't even that deep. You could have just stood up in it."

"That doesn't mean I'm going to let you get me all wet!"

"You're so odd," he muttered. "You looked more afraid of the water than you did of Masamune's sword pointed at you."

"You know what's funny about that? Both of those situations were your fault." I attempted to joke, but it fell flat.

Ieyasu shot a glare at me. "You said yourself that you accepted my apology. Don't try holding it over my head now."

"That's not what I was trying to do. I'm sorry." I hesitated. "I just… I'm not used to this. Being playful with friends." That almost started explaining what I had gotten so upset about, but that was the best I could do at the moment.

"We're not friends."

I smiled gently. "Keep telling yourself that."

My expression and sincerity seemed to soften him, at least for now. "Hmph. Well then, come inside. We've wasted enough time."

"Right." Of course we didn't go to his private quarters, and that was for the best. He had a library of his own, not dissimilar to the archives I had heard rumor that Mitsunari seemed to live in part of the time as he researched and devised tactics. Books were neatly arranged by subject; that I could tell at a glance. A table on the far wall was covered in herbs, most of them dried. A mortar and pestle stood ready to use to create medicinal pastes.

"What's this flower?" Ieyasu marched to the table and pointed, wasting no time in assessing where my knowledge was.

I studied the shriveled yellow flower his thin white finger hovered over. His hands were large, though, and strong. But of course my attention was on flowers in that moment. "Goldenrod. It helps with inflammation."

"Right. Now this one." He gestured to the flower next to the goldenrod, another yellow one.

A trick question? "It's… still goldenrod," I said slowly, confused.

"Wrong. This is important for you to know. That's calendula. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt since they look different with the blooms dead, but no one informed would normally mistake calendula for goldenrod. They may, however, mistake it for marigold. Calendula has more applicability than either of these. It helps heal wounds the fastest. If it's available, this is what you want first."

"Okay. What areas does it usually grow in?"

"Sunny places. As in, places that receive light from the moment the sun rises to the moment it sets. I know a good place. We'll go and get some before we go into battle."

I smiled. "Will we now…"

"Wipe that smarmy look off your face. It will just be slightly useful to have you there to help." He sighed. "Even with Mai learning medicine as well, she's not an expert. Having three people I can trust to prepare poultices will be better than two."

"Fair. So a calendula looks like a marigold. How do I tell them apart?"

"The petals won't be as bunched together and you can see the core of the flower bud on calendula."

"I understand." I glanced over other herbs on the table and saw a pale root. "That's ginseng, isn't it?"

"Yes." He narrowed his eyes when he saw me grinning at him. "What now?"

"Need some help, do you?" Of course we both knew that ginseng was commonly used as an aphrodisiac, particularly for men.

"Stop talking."

"It's nothing to be ashamed of…"

"It's for _tonic_." Ieyasu shook his head.

"Of course it is." It was nice in a way, to be able to tease him as a friend. It was good like this. "Oh, that's ginko. I love ginko. It helps with fatigue."

"You have trouble sleeping?"

"Why, Ieyasu! You almost sound like you care."

"And now I don't."

"So you did?"

"_No._"

I smiled and gently bumped his shoulder with mine. Come to think of it, he was barely taller than I was. I didn't look so out of place with him around, though I was helplessly shorter than the other warlords. "I got used to not sleeping too often or too long. It's easier to sleep with some aid now."

"Have to watch your back a lot, don't you?" He asked bitterly.

"And you're insinuating what, exactly?" My hackles raised instantly in response to his sudden and, in my opinion, unwarranted comment.

"It's common knowledge that ronin don't have any scruples to speak of. I'd imagine you would have to watch your back so as not to find a knife in it."

"And that's oh so different from the lords Nobunaga works with who would betray him in an instant if it suited their financial gain? Please, Ieyasu," I scoffed. "I've declined enough requests to assassinate lords and ladies to know that your supposedly noble class isn't the most honorable either."

"You have no idea what honor is," he muttered, almost so that I couldn't hear.

"And you've made no effort to understand what drives the life of a ronin," I retorted, raising my voice to let him know that I wasn't backing down from the conversation.

Against expectation, this seemed to give him pause as he turned his head to study me while I glared at him. "Why, then? Why did you become a ronin?"

I wanted to make a point to him and tell him everything, but of course that wasn't possible when we were hardly on good terms. "I had nothing. Nowhere to go and no one to turn to. So I learned to protect myself and decided that if people were willing to pay for me to use my blade then that was what I would do. Me holding back out of some sense of morality won't make the world any better or worse. I used my best judgement, of course, but yes, I killed for pay. Not all of us get taken in by Nobunaga Oda and made into warlords. Some of us are left to fight or die." I shook my head. "I don't know why I'm even telling you this. I have nothing to prove."

It wasn't until I said it that I realized it was true. Yes, I was a ronin and a liar, albeit one with good reasons. But I was here now and I was committed to protecting Mai. If Ieyasu wanted to hate me or think me unworthy, that was his business, not mine. "I have nothing to prove," I repeated quietly.

"There's always a way," Ieyasu said quietly. "To rise above your own weakness. Even if you have to let yourself be used, I think it's better to keep your integrity along the way."

"So… You don't like me because you think I don't have integrity? You think it would have been better for me to let myself be used and hope I came out of whatever would have happened to me alive then to become a sword for hire?"

He avoided my gaze. "I think you gave something up my becoming willing to stoop that low. I'm not saying I don't also kill. I intend to kill many when the war begins. But I kill for honor. For unification. You kill for… what? Like I said. Better to be used than to survive while sinking to the level of worms."

"Let myself be used, huh?" The words escaped in a harsh laugh before I could stop them or think better. "You have… You have NO idea what that means!" I was almost screaming and couldn't seem to stop myself. "You have no idea because you're a…!" I bit down on my tongue to cut off the completion of that statement. A man. Because he was a man, he had no idea what it would have meant for me to give in and let myself be used. That was never an option for me. I could never have allowed it to be an option. "If I had let myself be used, I would have lost something far more important to me than your damned _honor_," I spat. "Speak for yourself, you pompous brat."

He didn't reply immediately, and I couldn't blame him. There was certainly no kind response to my words, so it was probably better for him not to speak at all.

"I'll leave," I offered quietly.

"Wait." He grabbed my wrist, and I caught my breath. Ieyasu seemed to think better of seizing me, and he let go quickly. Warmth from his touch remained, and I rubbed my wrist with my free hand. "Let… Let me explain."


	6. Chapter 6

*Ieyasu Tokugawa*

I had requested the chance to explain myself, but when Botan was this angry and staring at me as if daring me to speak I had trouble forming words. It wasn't as if I was going to up and change my mind. I firmly believed that it was better to let oneself be used for the sake of survival rather than stooping to the immoral level of the ones we wanted so badly to rise above. But Botan had a point in that our circumstances were different, though I couldn't quite grasp what could have been so bad to make him so adamantly against my points.

"Did I hurt you?" I asked. He'd been rubbing his wrist as if I had.

"No. Of course not." He dropped both hands to his sides and stood stiffly.

"I spent my childhood as a hostage," I began. Why was I telling him this? Good question. The answer? Botan was calling the foundation of my life into question in a way. No, it wasn't that major. I wouldn't be all too affected by his words if given a small amount of time. But I had rationalized the past in this way, by saying that being used was better than losing myself completely to my hatred of the ones who had tormented me, the Imagawa clan. I couldn't easily reconcile him saying none of that was true. "I'm sure you can imagine what that entails. I was nothing."

"You had no way to fight," Botan murmured.

"But when I was able to fight, I chose to lend myself to an honorable purpose. There is always a choice as to what we fight for. I can't understand that you made a choice to give your life to something without purpose." I paused. "But you're right in that it's not up to me to forgive you or accept you. I'm the last person you need that from."

"Ieyasu, I…" Botan tucked hair behind his ear before shaking his head to loosen it. "I can see where you're coming from. And maybe you're right. Maybe instead of becoming a ronin I could have found a different place to go. Maybe I could have found somewhere people would have been kind to me. But I didn't want to be used. I didn't know where to go to find someone honorable to follow. Evil and cruel intentions can hide behind an honorable facade. I made the choice to live on my own, for myself, because I couldn't trust anyone." He clasped his hands together and looked at his feet as his voice trembled slightly. When he spoke again after a period of silence that felt almost unbearably long but was very short in reality, it was steady again. "But it's different now. I want to… to protect Mai, for my own reasons. I want to spend more days like this, talking and learning about medicine. Except, you know, without the painful talk of our pasts and bitter fights about our ideals." He cast a shy glance at me before looking back down. "Even if we don't quite see eye to eye, I think we can be allies. Is that alright?"

"I think so." I crossed my arms. "Yes." I certainly wasn't happy that I'd been pushed into revealing a close part of myself, but the conversation wasn't as agonizing as I had thought it would be. I'd managed to explain my reasoning and it was somewhat of a relief. We, Nobunaga's closest allies, had all come together from different circumstances and fought for different reasons while living under sometimes contrasting ideals. But we were all here, ready to fight and die if need be for our cause all the same. "And I'm sorry." There, I'd said it. Now let that be the end of it. Like Botan had said, I would rather move on with the heavy subjects behind us.

"I'm sorry too," Botan replied.

"Why?" Admittedly, I was the one most in the wrong for being so judgmental.

"I, well… No reason."

"Well that's annoying," I muttered. "Just be honest. Here I thought we were getting on better terms."

"Is that you're way of saying we're becoming friends?"

"Of course not."

"And you're the one telling me to be honest." Botan grinned.

"If you're honest, maybe one day I'll consider you a friend."

"How lucky for me." His smile faded, but he didn't look distressed. "I just can't be honest with you about everything. I suppose that's what I'm sorry for."

"It's normal to not be entirely transparent." Now that we had both explained ourselves as much as we could, my uneasiness about what I felt Botan was hiding had abated. Not that I didn't still sense a large secret behind his friendly yet distant veneer, but I understood him enough now to trust that he wasn't going to hurt Nobunaga or our cause. I liked to think that I'd learned from this incident to be a bit more careful about how I conducted myself in my suspicions. Hopefully I'd never have another case that made that necessary, however.

"Well then…" Botan looked at me with a tentative, bashful smile.

It wasn't as if I could just leave it at that. What an awful note to end the interaction on. "Do you… like walking?"

"I do it every day."

"That's not what I meant and you know it. It doesn't matter. Just come on." I led him outside. "I'll show you a good spot." The searing light of sunset lit our steps as we traveled past view of my home and reached a meadow. "You'll find some calendula among the weeds here."

"You brought me here to put me to work, I see."

"We may as well make ourselves useful." I crouched and started filling my arms.

"Have you ever looked at this place for something beyond its utility?" Botan asked.

"Why should I?" Appreciating flowers for being pretty helped no one.

"Because we can." Botan's cheeks flushed when I looked up at him. "Maybe."

"Appreciate them while you pick them, then."

"Fine, fine." He bent and squinted at the flowers, clearly trying to remember what he was looking for.

I almost laughed but got caught up looking at him instead. Whenever I got the chance to study him while he wasn't aware was when I got the strongest impression that there was something right in front of me that I simply wasn't grasping.

I didn't share Masamune's interest, and there was no telling where that might go on his part, but I was willing to state that Botan could be considered attractive. If he had been interested in women he could have gotten one, and he would probably find a male lover in Azuchi now that he had settled somewhere. Still… There was something he'd said, or not said, rather, that had my mind screaming at me to put the pieces together.

Something I didn't understand, could never understand because there was an insurmountable difference. That was what Botan had implied earlier, and that was what stood between him and the rest of us. I couldn't understand Botan's choices because I was a… A what? We were similar when one got down to it. We were both warriors under the Oda banner fighting for the same cause, both stubborn in our ideals but not totally unwilling to let bygones be bygones. Maybe one day we could be friends. None of those things seemed as if they would make Botan so easily frazzled and quick to withdraw. What else, then? He liked men and I liked women, as much as I could like any person I supposed, but that didn't explain his behavior or reasoning. It was something that would make him so against allowing himself to be used to survive. No, being a man didn't have to do with it. Unless Botan wasn't a man, but that was just as improbable as any other conjecture.

Hold on.

Unless Botan wasn't a man.

Ohhhhhh.

*Sumire "Botan" Shinanoki*

"It's not possible," Ieyasu muttered.

"What's not possible?" I asked.

"Nope, it's not. I won't even think about it anymore."

Was he listening? "I think you and Mitsunari would make a very handsome couple."

"Although it would make sense of some things…"

I crept over to crouch in front of him. "Except it wouldn't last long because you'd strangle him."

"Hm…"

"I find you very attractive." What a delightfully dangerous game I was playing. "But that's probably just because… you're attractive." Yes, he was handsome. They all were in their own ways. But the truth was also that, as I got older, with no one to rely on or confess to with all of my being, such thoughts plagued me more and more often. Beautiful faces and bodies, what it would be like to caress and hold.

Oh, so that's what it was. That was why I had become so flustered when he'd been about to throw me into the pond earlier. It wasn't just nerves and fear about keeping my femininity hidden. It was a matter of lust as well. Ah, how troublesome.

Even though seemingly he wasn't paying attention, he till picking the correct flowers while ignoring the ones that didn't suit his purposes. "But if that were the case… No, isn't he too stupid?"

"Are you talking about me?" I seized his nose and pinched.

"Bwah!" He swatted my hand away. "What are you doing?!"

I gave him a withering stare. "Who's stupid?"

"You are. Not as bad as Mitsunari, but still."

So he wasn't even going to react to the implication that he'd been saying whatever was on his mind aloud. Smart. Nor would I react to what his words might mean for me. I already knew that I needed to distance myself.

The trick all along to keeping my secret hidden successfully was to not interact for too long with any one person. Being a ronin made that seem completely natural. But it was different now. This was the first time I'd had to remain hidden while sustaining prolonged contact. Ieyasu was right. I _was _stupid. I was being utterly idiotic, leaving tells everywhere. There was no good reason. I was fully capable of being much better than I was now.

"You're making a pretty disgusting face," Ieyasu commented.

"Just mimicking yours." I flopped onto my back. "I'm tired." Of most everything, as it turned out.

"If you fall asleep here I'm leaving you."

"Makes sense. So, have you ever been in love?"

He sputtered. "Even if I had, why would I want to talk about it with you?"

"So that's a no. Ha!" I hopped to my feet and grinned as he scowled up at me.

"It's not something to gloat about."

"Who said I was gloating?"

"I see through that shit-eating grin of yours."

"I'm not gloating, I'll have you know. I'm just satisfied to know I'm not alone."

"I said I've never been in love, not that I'm a virgin like you. Talk to Mitsunari if you want a friend in that regard."

"Wha?! But you! Who would want to sleep with _you_?!" Besides me, of course.

"What's that? You brat?"

"I mean, I couldn't imagine you having the social skills to charm a woman. You know, for someone who lacks social skills himself you sure do like to tease Mitsunari about it."

"There's a difference between not liking to talk to people and being completely unable to understand what's going on outside of battle."

"Also, who said I was a virgin!"

"You're really hung up on this."

"You're insufferable."

Ieyasu smiled slightly, though it was closer to a triumphant smirk than anything else. "And you're a child."

"We look to be the same age."

"Age has nothing to do with it mental acuity."

"You…" He had me soundly beaten. "Geez. I'd have never guessed." I couldn't imagine it. Ieyasu with someone. Had it been a pretty girl? Likely. Smart or dumb? Had he enjoyed it or felt guilty or regretful afterwards? How did he look without clothes on? Okay. It was less that I _couldn't _imagine and more that I _shouldn't_. "I should go. I've been away from my post near Mai for too long."

"Coming back tomorrow?"

"But my post…"

"Nobunaga is here. Mai will be fine when she's with him. When he comes to visit, come back here. There's obviously more I need to teach you." Ieyasu seized both piles of flowers we'd picked and turned to go. "So?"

No. I needed to say no. "I… I'll be back, then." Damn it all.

"Fine."

"Don't say it like it's an imposition when you're the one who invited me," I grumbled.

"Don't sound too excited."

"I'm not!' I squeaked, then cleared my throat. "Goodnight."

He said nothing but waved over his shoulder as he left. Stupid prickly boy. I went back to my room, trying to craft more intelligent insults on the way. My thoughts yielded very little.

There was a note inside my room when I entered. It was from Mitsuhide, directing me to meet him at the castle gates in the morning dressed as a female, but armed. It had to have something to do with Yukimura Sanada. So Mitsuhide was going to make his move and wanted me involved. Fun.

As I laid my clothes out, I heard a light knock on the wall that connected to Mai's room. "Mai? Are you alright?" I reached for my sword just in case and floated quickly to the door.

"I'm fine." She sounded honest on that point, so I sat down. "But are you? Today seemed rough. Don't worry, though. I gave Nobunaga and the rest a piece of my mind."

I chuckled. "I don't doubt you did. Were they sufficiently scolded?"

"Terrified, more like. I've still got to get Ieyasu, though. He up and disappeared before I could talk to him. I swear, these guys just don't think when it comes to Nobunaga."

"No need. Ieyasu and I spoke personally. He was _very _apologetic." As sorry as he could be, maybe.

"Good." The change in her voice with that one word put me back on edge.

"Mai?" I exited the room silently and crouched in front of her door, tekko-kagi clenched in my hand.

"Um, Botan? Could you do me a favor? I –" Mai cut off in a scream as I burst into the room. I saw a flash of green and a face I didn't know; that was more than I needed to give reason to attack. My clawed blade whipped through the air, ready to devour. "Stop!" Mai's order, however, was also more than enough reason to freeze me in my tracks.

"Why?" I looked at her helplessly. Being a guard was rather difficult when she was always either getting upset with me or stopping me when I tried to do my job.

"Botan, this is my friend Sasuke. Sasuke, this is Botan, my... friend."

"That was quite the pause," Sasuke commented in a monotone.

I was a bit perturbed by it as well despite myself. But there were more important things to worry about. "First you get angry with me for questioning the boy in the market. Then you expect me to remain calm when you have random men in your room?"

"It's not what you're thinking, whatever that is!" Mai waved her hands frantically.

"I'm _thinking _that you have friends on both sides of this war. Yukimura Sanada is the boy in the market, for example."

Her shocked, fearful expression confirmed my suspicions. "Does anyone else know?"

I could lie. But… Mai would never forgive me if I helped to harm her friend. My duty was to protect her, and didn't watching out for her feelings fall under that protection? Fine. Foolish as it was, and even if it made me the traitor I had already been suspected of being. "Mitsuhide knows. They plan to take him tomorrow. I… I'm meant to help."

"Sasuke, we have to help him." Mai leaped to her feet.

"No," I snapped. "You will stay here." I turned a glare on her friend. "Are you with him? Sanada?"

"You could say that. He is my totally platonic, or perhaps not entirely platonic, bestie."

"You're still working on that?" Mai chirped.

"He and I are the perfect balance, like vanilla yogurt and plain granola. He simply has yet to accept it."

"Please be quiet!" I forcefully lowered my voice. "Sasuke, is it? Then it's your job to warn your friend and get him out of Azuchi tonight. If not, he'll become a prisoner here. Your choice."

"If you'll excuse me." Sasuke neatly left through a panel in the ceiling. I'd have to find a way to close that off, somehow…

"I should have killed him," I muttered.

"Botan!" Mai gasped.

"Why are you surprised? I was hired to kill anyone who might harm you. Do you have any idea what will happen to me if I fail? I risked my life just now simply by giving you that information. If Mitsuhide suspects me of leaking information and betraying him especially after what happened today, I could be killed this time."

"I… I'm sorry. I didn't think of it like that." Mai shrunk in on herself and hung her head shamefully.

I sighed and knelt in front of her, speaking gently now. "I just want you to consider before you act that playing both sides doesn't only involve you. It might hurt the people around you. Well, I'm referring especially to myself. It might just get me killed. Say I meet Yukimura Sanada on the battlefield. If I hold back because he's your friend and he doesn't extend the same courtesy, I _will _die. I can't afford that, Mai. I refuse to die in this war."

"I get what you're saying. And I'm sorry again. I'll… I'll try harder to keep everyone's interests in mind."

"Thank you. That's all I ask." I raised my eyebrows. "Now… Are you expecting any more visitors tonight?"

"N-No…"

"Good." I stood to leave. "I'll be next door. You know what to do if you need me."

"Hey, Botan?" Mai called hesitantly.

"Yes?'

"Why do you care so much? About me?"

Because she was a woman, frankly. Because I admired her fierce kindness. But I couldn't be honest knowing she had allies on the enemy side. "Because it's my job," I replied gruffly, untrue words searing my tongue like a brand.

Mai's face fell. "I see. Alright. Well… Good night."

I dipped my head and exited, letting out a heavy sigh when I closed the door. Giving up my loneliness was much more difficult than I had thought it would be.

When full dark came and I lapsed into sleep, it was brief and uneasy. I twitched into wakefulness and felt that I had only been out for the span of a blink. Tired yet restless, I tapped on Mai's wall. "Maaai. Maaaaaai… Hey Mai!" She was probably asleep. Aw, but I wanted to chat.

It was then I remembered I'd left my tekko-kagi in her room. It wouldn't do to have her roll over on it in her sleep and cut her head off in the process. With my luck, that's what would happen. I crept into her room to find it empty.

Why. Was. I. Even. Surprised.

"Damn it!" I bellowed, scraping my weapons together and breaking out into a sprint. A guard needed to know their ward, and I should have known better than to trust that Mai would sit still and do nothing when her friends might be in danger.

It hadn't been too long, right? I could stop her, bring her back safely. A woman alone on these streets at night… I rushed as much as I could while still retaining a semblance of stealth.

I heard the briefest yelp of a scream from the distance and instinctively knew that it was her. My insides burned as I ran faster, faster towards the noise. Before she was gone, I had to catch her. There was no telling what might happen to her if I were to fail.

She was being loaded into a carriage, body limp. She had been forced unconscious then, either by medicine or bodily blows. It didn't matter which; flames of rage were stoked within me all the same. I just grasped the edge of the door before it was closed and forced my way inside, initial strike met effortlessly by the blade of a sword longer than a person.

"One of Nobunaga's dogs?" A teasing voice greeted me as I struggled not to lose ground in the small space. Mai's body was draped across the man's lap, and everything began to jerk as the carriage moved. So, this was bad.

He had mentioned Nobunaga specifically. That combined with his general aura were telling. This man wasn't just a common brigand. He seemed healthy but not especially young, though nowhere near elderly. Thick dark eyebrows hung above luminous eyes. But the blade caught my attention more than anything else. I'd heard tell of a warrior who wielded a sword as tall as he was.

"Shingen Takeda," I hissed. So had Yukimura Sanada and this mysterious Sasuke person set a trap for Mai? Would they do such a thing? I trusted Mai to have better judgement in choosing her friends, but the situation didn't look good. If Shingen Takeda himself was here, then Sanada had obviously escaped.

"Careful. We wouldn't want to hurt the little lady."

Wasn't he bluffing? He'd taken the trouble to kidnap Mai, so he wouldn't hurt her immediately. Not without using her as leverage first. I needed to worry about myself too. This was a stalemate I would eventually lose. If only I could move without opening myself for attack, I could have… Maybe I could…

So that was it. If I couldn't seize Mai without letting myself get hurt, then I would gladly take the hit. I dragged the blade of my short sword along Shingen's katana, using all my effort as the shrill screech of metal crossing metal echoed in the enclosure. I was able to shift the angle of his blade just enough so that it was directed at my shoulder instead of my head and chest. Then, in a burst of movement, I dropped my sword and yanked Mai's body to mine while entangling Shingen's blade within the three prongs of my tekko-kagi. The sword bit into the space between my neck and shoulder before I was able to stop it and bit deeper still as even with the tekko-kagi interfering Shingen's strength still overwhelmed me to the point where I couldn't stop his movements entirely.

All of that happened in an instant, and my exit was just as brief. I threw myself backwards, Shingen's sword jerking out of the flesh painfully in the process. My short sword was left behind as it clattered to the floor of the carriage, and I smacked into the road with one hand around Mai's back and the other cupped to her head to protect it from the fall.

I landed sharply on my back and lay winded from the impact for a few moments before the imminent need to keep fleeing brought me back onto my feet. Mai wouldn't wake up, so I slung her onto my back and started to run-limp away.

"Leaving so soon?" Takeda no longer sounded amused. The carriage had halted not too far up the road and he had trailed back to us. "Normally when a woman wants to leave I'll take a hint, but I'm afraid the princess here is a special case."

I lay Mai gently on the ground and stepped forward protectively. "I'll not lose when it comes to her."

"Shingen." Another man melted from the shadows. "What's taking so long?"

"I just ran into a stray dog, Kenshin. I'll send it on its way quickly."

Kenshin. So this was Kenshin Uesugi. Every instinct screamed at me to flee. I wouldn't make it with Mai dragging me down, but on my own I could get away.

As if I would really consider such a cowardly option. I would rather fight and die than abandon another woman in the street to two men.

"This one might entertain me, even if for only a short while. Let me take care of it." Kenshin drew his sword in an elegant flourish. "I've been itching for a fight." He approached me slowly, gleaming white as a ghost. "You've got decent eyes, but you're not a warrior. Not yet. Pity to cut you off at the root when you've got room to grow, but that's what it means to fight for Nobunaga. Death."

Think. Think. Think. How to get Mai and I out of here. I couldn't expect help. No bystander would be foolish enough to step in even if they were here, and even if anyone at the castle was notified it would take too long to get here. I had only moments. Moments. I…

I couldn't think of a single strategy. I would die here and they would take Mai, do who knew what…

I let out a sharp yell and charged. If my mind wouldn't think, then my blade would do everything for me. It didn't seem as if I had a choice.

Kenshin batted my strike away as if I were a fly. If only I had my short sword… With just a tekko-kagi, I'd only win if I could disarm him. He continually aimed for my unarmed side, and having to shift to counter him put me off-balance at every turn. When he finally knocked me down, I knew for certain that it was over.

Not a warrior yet? How laughable. I'd never wanted to be a warrior. I wanted to be a simple woman. And now I was going to die a man, and a useless one at that.

"Dying for Nobunaga's concubine. Pitiful," Kenshin muttered as he lifted his sword over me, prepared to plunge it downwards.

The spark of a fleeting idea flitted into my mind. Women. Kenshin Uesugi hated women. If I could use that to my advantage, however briefly…

I seized his sword, cutting my fingers on its sharp edge, and pulled it towards me. His eyes widened with shock as I made a shallow cut up my own body from navel to neck, shredding my clothing in the process. I jerked the two halves of fabric aside to expose my chest, unable to breathe in that petrified moment.

Though I expected his sword to make its way into my heart, he froze. "A woman," he breathed, shock, confusion, anger and disgust warping his porcelain features.

I let out a scream as I lunged, batting his sword out of his hands before slashing at his torso. The cut wasn't deep enough to kill, but it would certainly sting. Kenshin fell back and in a rush of movement I seized Mai and fled as quickly as I could. How much blood had I lost from the injury to my shoulder? Surely not enough to kill me, probably, but I was so tired. Mai was unexpectedly heavy. It didn't seem that Shingen was giving chase. He had probably decided to take care of his comrade first and foremost, luckily for me. Or maybe he'd decided to take pity on me due to my being a woman. It didn't matter. We'd escaped.

But that didn't mean we were safe. Well, no. Mai would be fine. I, however, became aware when my sight began to blur that I was certainly not alright. "Come on," I seethed through gritted teeth. We just had to make it back to the castle. But what if Mai was actually hurt? I was no expert and wasn't in the condition to examine her. However… I knew who was.

Ieyasu's residence was shrouded in haze, though the night was clear. I inwardly apologized for trailing blood all over the floors, though I knew it didn't matter a bit. But where was the curmudgeonly medic himself? Goodness. Men were so unreliable.

"Ieyasu!" I screamed his name repeatedly until he came into view, striding with clear fury.

"What are doing here at this…" He trailed off when he realized my state. "Botan…?"

I smiled weakly. "I didn't know where else to go."

He flew forward just in time to catch me as I pitched forward. "What happened?!"

I tried to hand Mai off. "Mai... I don't know if she's hurt. I think she was just rendered unconscious by medicine, but I don't know for sure."

"Worry about yourself, idiot!"

I smiled and dropped to the floor once I had assured myself that Mai would be taken care of. "Yeah…"

"Botan!"


	7. Chapter 7

*Ieyasu Tokugawa*

I was sitting my Botan's bedside and didn't turn at the sound of slow, careful footsteps behind me.

"Is he alright?" Mai asked.

"He will be." It was the afternoon after the previous night's incident. Mai had been quickly cleared of having anything wrong with her besides the usual and had been quickly taken back to her room and Nobunaga so that I was able to focus on Botan. I'd taken the ronin to a secluded room and patched him up to the best of my ability, which meant he would be just fine. His wound hadn't been exactly lethal, but too much blood loss would have put him in some danger. Or her, I should say?

That was why I had taken such care in treating Botan privately. Whatever reason she had for pretending to be a man, I'd respect it until she got the chance to explain herself. I was the only one in my home that knew, as I'd concealed it even from the maids who had taken Mai away.

"This is my fault," Mai murmured as she dropped to sit at Botan's other side.

"Yeah." The story Mai had told was that Botan had told her not to go out alone at night but that she had anyways and had just so happened to run into Shingen Takeda out for a stroll in Azuchi. It wasn't that I didn't believe the gist of her story, but she had clearly been trying to cover up for Botan's failure on the job. Still, they had both come back alive. That would be enough and we would get Botan's side of the story when he woke up. She. Whatever. I didn't know anymore.

I'd seen her chest for myself. I couldn't speak for the mind but Botan was a woman in terms of body. I'd been suspecting but had talked myself out of believing it. Now that it was confirmed I felt strangely calm. This was just what it was.

"He asked me personally to be more careful," Mai fretted. "I'm so stupid…!"

"What are you complaining to me for? Isn't there something more productive you can do for his sake?"

Her face lit up. "I think there is. Thanks, Ieyasu!" And like that she was a strange woman.

"It's not like I was trying to help," I muttered. I waited for a while to make sure no one else would come through the door, then pulled back the blanket from Botan's body to start changing his bandages. The injury to his shoulder would certainly hinder him in upcoming battles, but he had mobility. It would be better for him to remain on rest, though.

As a medical professional, I wasn't fazed by seeing a woman's chest. It was just another body part that could be treated for injury if need be. Wrapping Botan's shoulder meant that exposing his chest—her chest?—was necessary. To wrap the arm, I wrapped the chest too. Botan seemed to keep his chest bound anyhow, so it was likely more convenient for everyone involved. With a sigh I sat his body up against mine and unwrapped the bindings from the night before. No sign of infection. The wounds weren't deep enough to make amputation an option we needed to consider. He would be fine. Once done I fixed his clothes and laid him back down. Simple as that.

"Good morning," he whispered once I had drawn away from him.

My heart jumped with a startled fright but my face didn't change. "It's the afternoon."

"Ah." His face was bright red, and for the first time I started to catch on to some embarrassment of my own.

"How long have you been awake?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure what was a dream or not. But not long, I think."

"Well, you'll be glad to know that you're fine."

"Thank you." He sat up slowly, and the blanket fell back into his lap. He touched his shoulder gingerly and winced, then used both arms to hug himself. "So you know."

"What do you think?"

"Hm…" His cheeks got even redder and he drew the blanket around his shoulders, concealing himself.

"I haven't told anyone else and don't plan to."

He smiled gratefully. "Thank you."

"So, officially… Are you a man or a woman?"

He tucked hair behind his ear nervously, then loosened it again. "I'm a woman."

The change in his—her—voice was instant. It became softer, higher, and for an instant I didn't know how to deal with it. "Is your name really Botan?"

"It's… It's Sumire. Sumire Shinanoki."

Sumire. It would take a while to get used to. "Why are you running around disguised as a man?"

She hesitated. "It's a long story. Just let me think. Please." I waited patiently for her to continue. I certainly didn't blame her for needing a while to gather her thoughts. "You know… How you told me it was better to let yourself be used?"

My cheeks flushed now, but with shame. "Yeah."

"I live as a man so I don't get used."

"… Ah." That was why she had gotten so angry when I'd told her that. Getting used in this world as a woman was completely used from getting used as a man. I couldn't even fathom the implications. "I'm sorry. I would have never said that if I'd known."

"It's alright. We live in different worlds."

"We do." There was no denying it.

"Um… And Mai? She's alright?"

"Barely a scratch on her."

Sumire smiled, one warm with relief. Damn, I was already seeing everything about her differently. Male androgyny had shifted into female beauty. Not that Sumire was beautiful. She was pretty, maybe, overall rather plain. Cute on the best of days. "I'm glad."

"What happened last night?"

Sumire sat up straighter, businesslike. "I fell asleep for just a moment, it felt like, and then Mai was gone. I don't know why she left, but I chased after her into town. I heard her scream and rushed in to help, and she was getting kidnapped. It was Shingen Takeda. I escaped him, barely, and then he and Kenshin Uesugi were both there. Kenshin was about to kill me, but I escaped by…" Her expression twisted with bitterness and her hands clutched the blankets above her chest. "Revealing… myself. To him."

So that was why her clothes had been torn. She'd done it herself in a last-ditch effort to evade death. "I'm sorry you had to do that."

She almost looked like she was grieving. "It turns out I'm useless. I can't even protect myself, much less Mai."

While my first inclination would usually have been to respond sharply or unsympathetically, my heart went out to her in that moment. "You survived and brought Mai back home. That's the best any of us could have done in that situation."

A slight smile curved on her lips. "You're kind."

"I'm not," I grumbled.

"You helped me when I needed you. That means a lot. Thank you."

"I get it, so you can stop now."

She laughed. "Okay." Then she turned her face away. "So you… changed my bandages."

"I didn't look more than I had to. In the moment you weren't a woman or a man, you were just another patient." Not that I hadn't been especially aware that I had been treating an ally and not some random stranger, but still. That was what had stuck out to me, not her body. "Trust me, nothing inappropriate crossed my mind."

"Y-Yeah." She put her hands over her face as she turned back to me. "I'm sorry. I can't seem to get over this…"

"How, exactly, have you been successful in hiding that you're a woman for this long? I had my suspicions after one prolonged interaction with you."

"That's because I… Because you…" She began but stopped herself and dropped her hands into her lap. "I'm not good at hiding myself, it's true. I've relied on not spending too long in one place or with the same people. That's what's good about being a ronin, you know? It's not considered strange behavior for me to be alone or skittish."

And I had been so unkind, thinking her choices were based only in dishonor. But if I apologized again, we would just fall into the spiral of her thanking me or complimenting me or doing whatever else she could do to make me flustered. "What now? You could probably quit your job now with no hard feelings on anyone's part."

"I want to stay until the war is over." Botan—no, Sumire, I still couldn't get used to it—stretched her shoulder and gritted her teeth. "How long until I can fight again?"

"You could still lift a sword, but too much movement will just open your wound again. The less you strain yourself, the faster you'll recover."

"Damn," she swore softly.

"Why so eager to get yourself killed?"

"I want to protect Mai."

"Because she's a woman?"

"Yes. And because she's my friend, I think." Sumire lowered her gaze bashfully. "Not that I know what that's supposed to feel like."

"Hey, just because I know your little secret doesn't mean I want to hear about _all _of your problems. If you have concerns with Mai, just talk to her about them and leave me out of it."

Sumire smiled lopsidedly. "It seems like more often than not your scolding is actually solid advice. You ever notice that?"

"It's not my fault the rest of you lack common sense."

"Whatever you say." She sighed. "I should go back soon, shouldn't I?"

"Maybe." Something in me rejected the idea of her leaving. Were there any good reasons for that? I tried to find one. Was it because she needed to keep resting? No, she'd be fine wherever she rested so long as she could either change her own bandages or find someone she trusted to help her. But that in itself, finding someone to do that, would pose a problem. "Who else knows about you?"

"Only Mitsuhide."

"That's why you've been sucking up to him?"

"As if I had a choice," Sumire groaned.

"Blackmail, huh… Well since I know now, you can tell him to leave you alone. Only if you're so inclined."

"He… promised to look into something for me. So I think our current arrangement is fine."

"Look into something?" Should I even ask?

"Um, well…" Sumire smiled. "Do you want to hear about my problems or not?"

Yes. No. "Just one more."

"My home was destroyed. The people who did it claimed to be Oda soldiers. I don't think that's true after meeting all of you, so I just don't know anymore. I'd like to know, I guess, but it's not like I can't move on and live life if I can't learn the truth. But yes. Mitsuhide is looking into it." She shrugged. "For all I know it could have been random brigands."

Every word from her mouth made me feel like more and more of a terrible person. But I didn't know what to say anymore. Apologies just wouldn't be enough. How could I convey it? How I felt in that moment, wanting to reach out to another person in sympathy for their pain.

I'd never felt like this.

*Sumire "Botan" Shinanoki*

I figured it must have been frustrating for Ieyasu, to hear sob story after sob story from me, but I felt so incredibly relieved to talk it out, especially after the heated conversation we'd had the day before. I wanted to stay in this space with him forever, just talking and sharing, or even saying nothing. I liked his company, I liked the way he spoke so casually and callously but with such a subtle undercurrent of caring to it all.

But he had been silent for a while after I'd concluded the explanation of my working relationship with Mitsuhide. He seemed to be lost in thought, looking in my direction but not quite. "Ieyasu?" I got his attention carefully.

He gave a start before leaning over without warning. I froze and caught my breath when his head hit my unwounded shoulder. "Sorry," he murmured.

In a flash, I understood everything behind that single awkwardly uttered word. _I'm sorry for not understanding. I'm sorry for saying what I said. I'm sorry I hurt you when I didn't mean to. _He didn't have to say it. Ieyasu was a good person, so I knew that this was how he would genuinely feel after really understanding why I had been so angry that he had called me dishonorable for doing what I needed to do to survive.

"Thank you," I whispered, indulging myself in nuzzling my face into his soft hair. He flinched and stiffened at first but relaxed after I drew back slightly to give him the space he seemed to need.

"It's fine. You're fine... doing that." The words, wisps that were barely there, made me shiver. I carefully pressed my cheek back to the top of his head and closed my eyes. It was so calming, I almost felt like I could go right back to sleep."You could stay here," Ieyasu murmured. "While you're recovering. You… don't have to go back to living in Azuchi castle immediately. I'll keep helping you dress your wound. That way no one else will find out. You'd be safe. Just for a few more days, if you like."

It was tempting. It was _so _tempting. Someone explicitly offering me safety and knowing companionship. I'd dreamed about this endlessly for years. I let out a softly contented sound and leaned my weight towards Ieyasu so we were futher pressed together, almost propping one another up as we slumped.

He tilted his chin up and I felt his breath on my neck. So warm. Tingles of heat started to spread all over my body. I wanted to tilt my head down, kiss him. Hold him, be held in turn in a connection emotional and physical in equal measure.

And that was exactly why I had to leave as soon as possible. I couldn't think straight. We had barely just become friends, it felt like, and here I was having romantic fantasies. The gesture likely didn't mean anything for him beyond trying to reassure me in his own awkward way. The offer to stay was just him caring for the welfare of a patient.

"Um…" My voice came out unsteady, bothered, so I tried to swallow down and contain everything in me that was running haywire. Ieyasu sat up straight too, watching me with an expression no different or more meaningful than how he always looked at me. It convinced me I was correct in assuming he meant nothing by what had just transpired. "I appreciate it. But I should go back as soon as I can. For Mai, and to explain what happened."

"Right." His voice, though. He sounded nervous, embarrassed, and it only made me more conscious as well. Was he blushing? Perhaps the redness of his cheeks was just a wistful illusion on my part. I was certainly blushing. Maybe he was pretending not to notice. Oh, I didn't know what to think anymore. I had no experience with these things.

"Thank you for the offer, though. I can't say that enough."

"It's no problem." He paused. "Do you feel confident in changing the bandages on your own?"

"Hrm…" I tried to raise my injured arm above my head and was greeted with blazing pain. "Agh! Geez, ow…" So, no, I would not in fact be changing my own bandages.

"Hey, hold it. Take it easy." Ieyasu put a hand on my back for support and I turned my head sharply away. He put both hands safely in the air. "I should ask. Are you uncomfortable being touched? I can be more careful."

My heart swelled that he had the decency to wonder and ask. "I…" I couldn't quite figure out how to respond. Should I be honest with him? "I'm usually alright." No, there was no way I could tell him. There was no end to the potential misunderstandings and awkwardness if I outright tried to explain that I actually felt _very_ comfortable with him, as in I felt immense sexual attraction, and that was the problem I faced. "I just don't want to impose."

"Don't be ridiculous. I'll come see you in your room to help you change them periodically."

I smiled, overwhelmed and grateful for his kindness. He was willing to work with me, and that meant so much. "Ieyasu…"

"What? Don't make a big deal of it," he muttered.

"Okay. I won't even tell you how much I appreciate you. Not a single thing along those lines." All I would have to do is hold myself back and just appreciate the relationship we did have. I had confidence I would be able to force myself to remain professional, if only on the outside. But that was all I needed.

Ieyasu smiled begrudgingly. "Do one thing for me, though, and rest for today. Feel free to walk around but don't strain yourself. I'll let Nobunaga know you'll be back tomorrow."

I tried not to grin, though I was happier than was proper to be confined to Ieyasu's residence for just a little while longer. "Alright."

"Well… Bye." He backed away before standing. "I mean it. Get some rest."

I obediently lay down on my back, drawing the covers around me. "Yes, sir." How I would sleep when I felt so excited, I wasn't sure. Still, I closed my eyes and listened to him leave quietly, door shut softly behind him. I felt out of control, in a way both dreadful and wonderful, a sinking feeling that wouldn't relent and I wasn't sure I wanted to go away.

Did I even deserve to feel this way when I was so weak? Even as I started to drift into sleep, Kenshin Uesugi's words kept echoing in my head. I wasn't a warrior. He'd said that with such certainty. Conviction wasn't enough. Just because I'd found a cause to fight for and people I wanted to stand next to didn't mean I had the strength to earn the place I wanted.

So that was it. Instead of worrying about love or friendship first and foremost, I would worry about my power. The rest would follow, and then maybe I would find room to sort my feelings out. Maybe I would be able to pay back all of the kindness given to me.


	8. Chapter 8

*Ieyasu Tokugawa*

I didn't understand fully what had happened the day before with Sumire. It was unlike me to respond to a lack of words within myself by opting for physical contact, but I had to admit that it had felt good to lean on another person, literally and metaphorically. And Sumire… Maybe it could be explained by her being uncomfortable around men in general, maybe it had more to do with a shy personality that she had started to display, but…

She'd looked like she wanted me to touch her, and scared about that or something else. There was no way I could risk it without knowing for sure, taking her experiences and choices into consideration. Besides, I didn't even know what I wanted. Nothing along those lines had crossed my mind until now. Well, I'd thought she was a man, so the possibility hadn't even crossed my mind. Having to think about her in this new way was unprecedented and unpleasant, but it wasn't as if I completely detested the way it felt either.

People used one another, yes, so there were certain kinds of relationships I didn't see the point in. But Sumire had me starting to reconsider. I could see now that there were times you had to fight instead of being used, no matter the cost or how unsavory the methods were. All that said, I was interested in knowing her more. But that didn't translate immediately into knowing how I felt about romantic and sexual relationships. I'd never really been able to put a lot of investment into things like that. Still, that I was thinking about it at all probably meant something.

There was nothing too special about Sumire. I'd thought that when I knew her as Botan and I thought that now. So maybe romance and the like were just about finding someone to by wholly un-special together with. Or did someone become special when love happened however it did? I was getting ahead of myself. No one had brought up love. This was only a matter of hopefully and likely fleeting attraction that wouldn't even have been a problem if I hadn't found out that Sumire was a woman. But hadn't I noticed certain features when I'd thought she was a man? I didn't even know anymore.

I had far better things to worry about. Battling Shingen Takeda again was inevitable since Nobunaga and I had defeated him previously. He'd be back for revenge. And as if I hadn't had enough of a reason and desire to cut the man in half, he'd gone and hurt Sumire too.

Dammit, it kept going back to her. She had rested obediently the day before and had gone back to her place in Nobunaga's castle this very morning. We'd had yet another war council that took up most of that time until the afternoon, when Sumire had stayed behind afterwards to talk to Nobunaga about what had happened to her and Mai, and now I was skulking towards Sumire's room to help change her bandages once I'd finally found the time.

When I entered, I was surprised at the face I saw. "Masamune?"

He laughed at me. "Why do you look so surprised? You're not Botan's only friend."

"We're not friends," I muttered, automatic response to his teasing to be contrary even if the denial wasn't true. "Now get out, Masamune."

"Fine, fine, if you want him all to yourself that badly, I won't get in the way." Masamune stood after clapping Sumire's uninjured shoulder. "I'll meet you later, then."

"Yes! Thank you." Sumire smiled brightly up at him.

Hmph. Awfully chummy, the two of them. "You're the one who wants to bed him," I muttered so that only Masamune could hear me as he passed. He had no right to tease me about friendship or whatever else.

He snickered. "Jealous, I see."

Hardly. I waited until I was certain he was out of earshot and checked to make sure the door was tightly shut before kneeling in front of Sumire. "How are you feeling today?"

"Better. But my arm doesn't want to be lifted any higher than this." She raised her arm straight out and looked as if she were in pain from just that.

"Well, don't strain yourself. That will just make the healing process slower. You'll be even more useless."

"Right. I'll be careful." She nodded, ignoring my jab.

My thoughts were spinning as I laid out fresh bandages and poultice. I wanted to ask, but I shouldn't ask. Dammit, I was going to ask. "What are you doing with Masamune?"

"Nothing," Sumire said quickly.

"Uh-huh." I'd take the hint that she didn't want to talk about it. Even if they had their secrets, it wouldn't be bigger than the secret Sumire and I already shared. Not that it was a contest. I made a circling motion with one finger. "Strip."

Her face turned bright red. "Is that really the best way you could have phrased that?"

"Point taken. Now _please_ strip. See? I said please. Isn't that better?"

"Fine." She shot me a glare before screwing her eyes shut and unceremoniously yanking her clothes off. A sharp breath hissed through her teeth as she lifted her injured arm above her head, and I winced in sympathy.

The slightest brush of my fingers as I moved to unwind the bandages already on her made Sumire flinch, and I jerked back in response. Dammit, how was I supposed to work when she looked so frightened? Resisting the utterly despicable and nonsensical urge to sigh and/or hug her, I asked, "What's the matter?"

"Nothing," she squeaked. "Do it. Rip it off! I can take it!"

"Keep your voice down!" I snapped.

"I'm trying!"

"You're clearly not!"

"Just do it! You're killing me here!"

"What are you even talking about?! You're the one who started yelling without warning! I'm just trying to help you and do my job!"

"WE'RE BOTH YELLING! WE SHOULD STOP!"

"Shut up before I make you!"

"And how would you make me, exactly?!"

To prove my point, I put a hand over her mouth. "Like so."

"Mmph!" She grunted a wordless protest.

"I need you to calm down and be quiet. I'm a medical professional and you're a patient. There's nothing more to it, so get out of your own head. Nod if you understand." I smiled slightly as she bobbed her head once. "Good. Now I'm going to remove my hand and we're both going to be nice and calm. Okay? Okay."

"You're more medical than professional, wouldn't you say?" She mumbled the second I lowered my hand.

So I put it back, pressing my palm lightly to her mouth. "You're incorrigible."

Her response was muffled, but there was laughter in her eyes and I felt her smiling.

I moved my hand to pinch her cheek before busying myself with unravelling the clean bandages. "Just let me do what I came here to do, will you? I want to leave as soon as possible."

She nodded and was silent throughout the rest of the process of me inspecting her wound—no signs of infection, thankfully—and reapplying the binds. Her face was red and her eyes were screwed shut the entire time, but she survived the humiliation she undoubtedly felt. I worked as quickly as I could to spare us both.

Once done, I pulled her undershirt back over her head. "Look. You made it. Was that so hard?"

She opened her eyes and smiled shyly, with no small measure of relief. "It was downright unbearable."

Her words struck me as honest, and I didn't know how to respond to the anxiety I suddenly felt. "You… You know I'd never hurt you, right?" Every word felt layered with stupidity, but I was compelled to reassure her; I needed to . She'd barely been comfortable enough to let me do something we'd agreed to and that benefitted her keeping her secret. For this to work, I needed to get her to let go of whatever was holding her back.

"Of course I know that."

"Then why are you so uncomfortable around me?"

"Nooo, what? I wasn't, no. No." She laughed awkwardly.

I gave her a withering stare in response.

"Okay, so I was a mite skittish. It's just that… Well, I'm a woman and you're a man. How can I not be aware of that when I'm half naked in front of you, even if it is just for the sake of my health? And I know I didn't phrase that the best, but you know what I mean."

I had legitimately not thought about it like that. The way I considered our doctor-patient relationship was only proper, I knew, but it was still embarrassing to know she was thinking of it differently the entire time no matter what I said.

When I didn't respond immediately, she continued. "And, um, I know that's my fault. You've been very chivalrous about the whole thing, and –"

I barked out a laugh. "_Chivalrous_? Let's make that the first and last time that word is used in reference to me, okay?" I leaned closer to her, looking into her eyes pointedly. "Listen. We're… friends. You can trust me."

Her eyes widened. "Friends. You said we're friends."

"Yeah."

A delighted, wickedly satisfied grin alighted on her face. "You admitted it. You can't take it back."

I felt my face redden with indignant embarrassment. "And just like that, I take it back. We're not friends. I loathe you."

"Ieyasu is my best friend in the world and nothing can stop our friendship!" Sumire laughed.

"Delusional," I muttered, trying not to smile or laugh with her. "Sumire?"

"Yeah?"

Since I seemed to get into these incomprehensible moods around her, I gave into my desire to know. "What are you doing with Masamune?"

Her smile faded, and she studied me with an unreadable expression. "Why do you care?" She finally asked.

I couldn't read behind the words, couldn't tell if they held accusation or admonishment or some sort of hope. I didn't know what I felt or how I wanted her to feel and was tangled in the web of these unfamiliar emotions and thoughts.

"I don't," I muttered in the end. "Forget I asked."

She smiled somewhat tiredly. "Ah, my little contrarian. We'll work on you being honest with your feelings."

"There are no feelings for me to be honest about."

"Right. Well…" She stood and nodded as she stretched her shoulder as far as it would go. "Thank you for your help."

Damn. Something in me felt twisted now, and it was all because of her. Part of me hated her for it. "Yeah." I gathered my things and edged towards the door. "I'll be back in two days to check on you again."

"I'll see you then." She bowed slightly and looked away, clearly waiting with impatience for me to leave. That said, I made my exit as quickly as humanly possible.

I wasn't looking to stick around in that awkward tension, but I also didn't like leaving so confused. What, exactly, had I done or said that was wrong? Nothing. I mean, I hadn't been entirely honest with my feelings or reasoning, but it was Sumire's fault too for asking such a clearly loaded question. It was impossible for me to act or speak from a place of truth without knowing what she expected from me. I had a feeling she thought the same way and that neither of us knew exactly what the hell was going on.

Stupid. We were both just entirely stupid people.

*Sumire Shinanoki*

Even as I ran to meet Masamune once the sun had just started to set, my thoughts were filled to the brim with Ieyasu. There was nothing I could do about it, and I hated that along with how I'd acted in the end. He'd clearly been bothered by me seeing Masamune for whatever reason, and I'd wanted an explanation. And, yes, I'd gotten irrationally angry and hurt when he'd done what he usually did and grumpily denied being curious or caring. But what had I expected? That was half of Ieyasu's personality. He didn't owe me anything just because I wanted something from him that I was too scared to name.

Masamune was prowling back and forth across the room we'd chosen to meet in when I entered. "You're late!" He crowed.

"I feel more like I'm exactly on time," I said. When I'd heard that there was a practice room within the castle that the warlords used to let off steam or hold both casual and serious duels with each other and with what few challengers dared them, I'd known exactly what I wanted to do. I'd barely thought about it when, before the war council that morning, I'd pulled Masamune to the side and asked him to help me become stronger. He also hadn't seemed to put any thought in before instantly agreeing.

Thus, we were here, in a room with no decoration except racks of wooden training swords on the walls. Masamune didn't give me time to breathe before starting in on our training regimen. We completed hundreds of mock swings before trading blows, and when we finally did fight, he showed me no mercy on account of my injury. He played to it, in fact, focusing on my wounded side and targeting it with all of his strength. This continued until all was a deep, inky and sterile dark outside and, after hitting the floor dozens of times, I lost the will to get back up.

"Done already?" Masamune asked with a hearty laugh.

"We've been at it for a long time," I wheezed. "You're just inhuman."

He sat while I lay on the floor panting. "Ah, that was fun, lad. It would have been even more fun if you were in full form, but still." He paused, taking a moment to examine me. "Why did you want me to train you, anyhow?"

I waited to catch my breath a bit more before speaking. "I'm too weak as I am."

"Well, yeah." He motioned to my arm. "But then again, maybe not. Your foes were no ordinary men. You and Mai are lucky to be alive."

"That's just the thing. I can't keep relying on luck. I'll never be able to protect Mai if I'm not as strong as the rest of you."

Masamune nodded. "I can see how that wouldn't sit well. I wouldn't be content if I were you."

I wasn't. I was far from happy with the way things were. "When I fought… When I lost to Kenshin Uesugi, he said something about me not being a warrior. Like there was some qualification I was missing. I know I'm not there yet, and he sized me up as not being able to beat him without even trying. When I thought of warriors, the first people I thought of were you and Nobunaga. I just want to know… Masamune, what makes a good warrior? What am I missing to be strong?"

"That's a big question." He flopped to lay down next to me, putting his hands behind his head. "And one that I'll answer with a question of my own. Why do you fight, Botan?"

"Why? Well, I suppose it's to protect Mai. As my friend."

"That's noble and all, but it's not going to get you through."

"And why not?" I asked, confused. I'd thought that fighting for Mai's sake was the best goal I'd ever had. I'd never really thought of anything beyond survival before for myself, so hadn't fighting for the sake of someone else been a far better choice?

Masamune's gaze had suddenly become intense, and it captured and unnerved me. "You say that you want to fight for Mai, but isn't that just an excuse? Isn't it more that you're scared of reaching for something that you want?"

My first instinct was to become angry. Who did he think he was, talking as if he knew me? But it had been the same with Kenshin. Some weakness in me was transparent to them, and I needed to be humble and listen if I wanted to correct it. "I… I don't understand," I said slowly.

"You're not fighting for yourself, obviously."

"And you are? Everyone else here is? I was under the impression that everyone was fighting for unification and the welfare of the people above all else."

"In part, that cause _is _fighting for our own benefits. For the people, too, but if there wasn't something in it for all of us personally there wouldn't be a point. It doesn't sound like you get anything substantial for yourself from just protecting Mai."

"So what about you, then? What is it you get?"

His eyes glimmered with a fire I'd never felt within myself, and in that moment I knew that it was what made all of them stronger than I. "I fight to feel _alive_, lad."

"Alive?" I whispered, breath taken away by the simultaneous cold conviction and blazing joy in his statement.

Masamune continued as if he hadn't heard me. "Saying you only fight for Mai… That makes it okay for you to lose. You can afford to say to yourself, oh, Mai is safe and Mai's dreams are safe, so it doesn't matter if I fall here. That's not good enough. A warrior, a true one worthy of rivalling the likes of Kenshin Uesugi, will have a goal only they can see aside from the broad picture. A warrior fights for that certain something that forbids them from suffering defeat, even when they're in a losing battle or the clutches of death."

"Oh…" I breathed. Something I wanted… Did I dare to be that greedy? Could I afford to think beyond survival and fear?

Masamune laughed. "You should see your face! Don't look so scared, lad. All I'm saying is that you need to be a bit selfish. If there's a moment where a choice in battle is a choice between your life and death, thinking about Mai isn't going to get you through. What is it you really want?"

"I… I mean, you say that you fight to feel alive… I've only ever just wanted to stay alive. What more should I want…" The way Masamune spoke, it was obvious that battle was his life's blood. That was his reason, and it resonated. But me… "I just don't know," I said helplessly. "What am I allowed to want?"

"Allowed? It's not about that. It's about deciding regardless of whether it's allowed or even possible. It's working to make it happen and staking your life on it."

Hoping for the impossible. Anything my heart could possibly desire. "I'd like to get married."

"Well, well!" Masamune laughed.

I put my hands over my mouth, the words having come unbidden. "Please forget I said that."

"No need to be ashamed, lad! It's a fine dream. Nothing wrong with hoping to have a family when all of this is through."

It wasn't just wanting to marry, though, it was also everything that entailed. Living and marrying as a woman was what I envisioned. Maybe in a land unified under Nobunaga, justice among the individual people would reign as well. I wouldn't have to fear being hurt. So if I fought for even more… Maybe in the world that blossomed on the other side, even I would be able to live the life I wanted.

"Maybe it _is_ a fine dream," I said weakly, smiling but unable to look Masamune in the eyes.

Masamune studied me thoughtfully. "I don't claim to know you, lad, but I know you're searching for something."

"I am," I agreed. "And I think you've brought me a bit closer to it. I don't think I would have been determined enough to think of going after what I want for myself on my own. Well… Thank you for your words." I laughed. "I guess that's what I'm trying to say."

"Thank me with your actions, not your words. And maybe buy me a drink."

I laughed again, more jovially. "Sure, sure. Whatever you like." I paused then, thinking. We didn't know one another too well. Not long ago at all, Masamune had suspected me of being a traitor. Ieyasu too. I was grateful for the chance to break down the walls between myself and my allies. "Masamune? Is fighting really the only thing that makes you feel alive?"

His expression, a guarded smile, told me that I had overstepped my bounds and would in no way receive an honest answer. "Well, it's not the only thing by any means."

"Oh?" I tilted my head at him curiously, not reassured by his answer. It just sounded lonely somehow, thinking of his reason for fighting being the thrill of battle itself. What would be left for him in the peaceful world we were striving towards?

"Yeah. There's this, too." By just leaning over slightly, he closed the distance between us enough to press his lips to mine. It was just a moment, short but firm, and he backed away with a mischievous smile before I could even react.

Just like that, my first kiss stolen away. Was that all a kiss was? I'd imagined it with much more fanfare.

"I'd offer to show you much more, lad, but you don't look too interested." Masamune sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "Too bad."

"Uh. You…" I touched my mouth. But Masamune didn't know I was a woman. So, even thinking I was a man, he was attracted to me. "Masamune, you… I didn't think you felt that way…"

"Woah, lad. Don't think too much of it."

"That's not what I'm referring to," I said calmly. "I just had assumed you only liked women."

"I hadn't thought about it much until you told us you liked men. I don't know. Really, any warm body sharing my bed at night sounds like it would be enough."

"I see…" I could never have brought myself to think that way. Love seemed a thing so terrifying and out of reach that I had built it up in my head as this grand, almost divine thing over time. It was only natural that wasn't the case for everyone else.

"But I'll take the hint that you won't be one of the people sharing said bed." Masamune smirked. "Besides, you're interested in Ieyasu."

"What?!" I barked. "No! Recant your statement!"

Masamune laughed from deep in his belly. "See, you clearly do. If you'd reacted so obviously to me, I'd have had you right here. I wouldn't take my time about it like Ieyasu would."

"How can you say things like that so casually?" I squeaked. "Cut it out!"

"It's fun to tease someone with reactions like yours. You're a lot like Mai." Masamune ruffled my hair. "It's just in the way you look at him. So nervous."

Well, yes, the thought of being near Ieyasu made me nervous in a way both wonderfully fluttering and unbearable. But that wasn't love. Interest, though… Was I interested, like Masamune said? "I really don't understand," I said honestly. "There's just way too much I don't understand."

"Nothing wrong with that. Just chase after the knowledge you want without fearing failure. Unless failure means death. In that case, fear failure."

"You're a sage. Such wondrous advice."

"Oh, stop. You'll make me blush." Masamune stood and pulled me to my feet as if lifting a feather. "Tomorrow, then. We'll meet here once in the morning and once at night. Get some rest, because I certainly won't go easy on you."

"I wouldn't want you to." I followed him back outside, and we walked together until we had to part different ways towards our rooms. "Goodnight, Masamune. Thanks again."

"Anytime. And lad?"

"Hm?" I caught my breath when he bent and whispered into my ear.

"Just let me know if you change your mind."

"Er… Okay." I put my hands to my red cheeks as he stood up straight, wishing I would willfully control my reactions. I wanted to tell him that that was impossible because of his misconception about my gender, but the words, as I was so used to holding them back, wouldn't come easily.

He laughed. "I can't help you with your dream of marriage, but I can cure your loneliness for a night if you need."

I sighed as he waved and walked away with a confident swagger that only he could make charming rather than annoying. A strange man, and pushy, but I admired him. I could trust him, maybe, too. Someday. And maybe, if everything he had said that night was true, the world where I could dream of anything I wanted was attainable. That very world, however, lay at the end of a path of war. To fulfill this dream on my current path would be to kill others. But even so…

It was as Masamune said. To live, to dream, I would indulge in my own selfishness.


	9. Chapter 9

*Sumire Shinanoki*

After training with Masamune the next morning, part of me felt like I would never be able to lift my arms again. Still, I went back to my room feeling refreshed and proud. All of that positivity faded into guarded dread when I saw who was loitering in front of my door.

"Mitushide," I muttered. "You're… here. Joy."

"But of course. You still owe me five more favors."

"Five? Wasn't it four?" So much had happened so quickly that our negotiations had all but slipped my mind.

"Oh my. Or was it eight?"

"Five, okay, it was five! I yield."

"Good that we could come to an understanding. Now, I'm sure you're aware that Hideyoshi is away on business at the moment."

"Of course." He had left earlier that morning on a trip to try and convince some lords who were on the fence to finally join Nobunaga before the war began in earnest.

"While a necessary effort, Hideyoshi's absence does leave us with a small problem."

"There's no one to properly worship the ground Nobunaga walks on?" I half-joked.

"Yes, it's tragic. Possibly more tragic is that there is now no one with the time and patience to be sure that Mitusnari neither accidentally harms himself nor anyone else."

"Hold on. Are you honestly about to ask me to babysit as one of your favors?"

"Don't be mistaken. I couldn't ask this of just anyone. It takes a special someone to take care of the boy. Also, everyone else refused."

"And you think I'll do any better?"

"I'm fairly certain neither of you will die."

"How reassuring." He had a point though. Masamune would never take a duty like that seriously, Nobunaga likely had an innumerable amount of more important things to do, and Ieyasu would never be able to suffer through Mitsunari's constant companionship. "Well, I understand. I'll watch over him until Hideyoshi returns."

"Not to worry. It's only a few days. By the time he returns, I do believe I'll have another mission for you to set out on." He paused. "You can still wield your sword, yes?"

"It's no issue."

"Good." He crossed his arms. "As an aside, I'll say that I have been sending a few inquiries in regards to your village in my spare time."

My chest got tight, and I bowed my head. "I appreciate that. Really."

"I really do wish you'd been able to give me more information. Is there anything else in particular you can remember?"

"Well…" My mind rejected the pain searching through my memories caused, and any image I could conjure came out hazy. "There was a man with…" Something particular about him… But no. I couldn't remember quite right. I'd have to sit in solitary silence later and push myself to recall.

After a long silence, Mitsuhide spoke. "Spend some time thinking on it and get back to me when and if you can."

"Thank you, Mitsuhide," I said gratefully.

"Don't thank me. I can't promise you anything."

I shook my head. "Even so."

"Hm." He studied me for a moment before turning away. "Whatever you do, under no circumstances should you allow Mitsunari to make tea."

I smiled despite myself. "Noted."

Mitsunari was in his room reading and, for whatever nefarious reason, Masamune was there.

"Botan!" He grinned at me as I sat beside him. "Want to feed him?"

"What?" I'd been too busy looking at the mess Mitsunari had made. There were so many stacks of books that his futon was completely hidden and there was barely room to take a few steps. The stacks themselves were tottering, and it was a small miracle in itself that Mitsunari wasn't currently buried beneath them. The man himself was sitting as a small desk reading with what I judged to be an astonishing speed while he also seemed to be completely unaware of the world around him. To boot, Masamune had a plate of food on the table before him and was slowly guiding small bits to Mitsunari's mouth with a pair of chopsticks.

"Watch what happens when I try to give him a carrot." Masamune snickered as, when Mitsunari was offered a carrot, he turned his face away, whereas he had been mindlessly accepting the food up to that point.

"Why are you doing this anyways?"

"If he's reading, he'll barely eat for days. Feeding him is just a civic duty."

"Huh. And I thought you wouldn't care enough to bother with him while Hideyoshi is gone."

"I'll choose not to take that as an insult. Besides, this is about all I'll do since it amuses me. The rest is up to you, lad."

"Gee. Thanks." I sighed and stood. "Well, if you're going to be here feeding him for a while, I'm going to actually put some of these books back where they belong."

"You remember where the library is?"

"Eh. I'll find it." I seized a stack of ten books, or tried to, but my still-sore shoulder complained with bitter pain. I halved the stack and went on my way, taking a few wrong turns before I remembered where exactly the library was from the rather detailed map Hideyoshi had drawn for me (as apology for thinking I was trying to assassinate Nobunaga, I believed) which I'd just barely skimmed.

To my horror and delight, a certain lovable porcupine was standing there in the low light. He was distracted, absorbed in his own text, so he didn't notice me immediately. I took a moment to appreciate the scene. The room smelled faintly of ink and the slow, lightly smoking burn of lanterns that bathed the space in a calm glow. Ieyasu, to me, felt like the center of it all, shining faintly and lovely in his stillness.

"Um," I began, stopping and trying to smother a giggle when he jumped.

"Sumire," he grumbled, turning a scowl on me. "What are you doing here?"

My heart skipped a beat from hearing him say my name, and I cleared my throat before speaking. "What, I can't like books?"

He rolled his eyes. "Somehow you don't seem like the bookish type."

"You wound me." Truth be told, I hadn't read anything besides a menu or letter from an employer in years. "But honestly, I've been tasked with taking care of Mitsunari."

"Ugh." Utter revulsion twisted his face.

"Wow. Tell me how you really feel." I smiled as he scowled again. "But I'm here trying to organize his mess and put back some of the books he has in his room. It looks like he has half the library in there."

"He'll just revert even if you do clean it up. Don't bother."

I shrugged. "It's something to do." After roaming around, I gathered easily enough that the shelves were organized by subject and then alphabetically from there, so I started slipping books back into their proper places. "And what are you doing here?"

"Reading," he clipped sarcastically.

"No! Really?"

He rolled his eyes and snapped the book in his hands shut as he drifted to my side. "Oh, shut up. I'm just taking a break from making medicine. Once the fighting starts, there won't be enough of it to go around."

"I'll help," I volunteered instantly.

He hesitated and looked straight ahead. "No need."

"Ah. Well. Okay then. But I could be useful." People would die on both sides, obviously. Ieyasu was right to prepare as much as he could while he could. "You yourself taught me a bit about medicine. We could prepare twice as much together as you could on your own."

"Well, if that's what you want, I won't stop you."

Getting to spend time with him was an added bonus, too, and I was a bit ashamed my thoughts turned that way at a time like this. "Um. About yesterday –"

"You don't have to say anything."

I hit his arm lightly. "Just let me talk. I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry."

He finally looked at me again, eyes widened slightly with surprise. "Pardon?"

"I'm sorry. I made things uncomfortable. It's no wonder you'd worry that we wouldn't be able to work effectively together. I shouldn't be thinking about those kinds of things anyhow. Not now."

Ieyasu sighed softly. "Look. It's not like I'm not aware that you're a woman when I'm around you."

I turned my head so he couldn't see my face, which reddened at his words. "What do you mean by that?" I mumbled.

"I don't know." He paused. "Maybe that's it. I don't know you well. Everything happened quickly, and I disclosed to you things I would never tell anyone that I didn't know and trust. I'm navigating new territory here."

"I am too, though!" I laughed. "I have no idea what I'm doing. Mitsuhide found me out, then Kenshin Uesugi did, and I still don't know what the outcome of that is going to be if anything, and then you found out, and I barely know how I'm supposed to live or act. Ieyasu, I don't really know what it means to act as a woman with a man. Yes, I lived as a girl for a long time before a few years ago, but that was before I…"

"You what?"

At this point, there didn't seem to be a point in not being honest with him. He'd made a good point in evaluating the speed of our disclosure with one another. Circumstances had aligned that we'd learned information that made us feel close, but not a lot of time had passed. It was a whirlwind neither of us had prepared for.

"Um, well," I began awkwardly, "it was before I started experiencing, er, sexual feelings and desires. My years of matriculation were… complicated. I haven't had many things explained. Not that I'm entirely ignorant, but… You know."

He took what felt like an eternity to respond. "How should I interpret that statement?"

"I'm attracted to you," I admitted. "And I don't know what it means. As in, if I want anything from you and how much that might be if that's the case." Although I felt embarrassed, more so than I ever had before, it was also good to get it off my chest. Not talking about it would leave me getting nowhere.

Ieyasu's response, however, was less encouraging. "Oh."

"That said," I continued, feigning calm, "I can find someone else to help me change my binds if you like. I want us to be able to have a professional relationship, really, I do."

"Aren't you getting ahead of yourself?' Ieyasu asked sharply. "Who else would you ask?"

"Well…" Good point. Only Mitsuhide knew besides Ieyasu, and it didn't seem like my best option for reasons of his personality. Maybe if I disclosed to Masamune? No, not yet if ever. "I could tell Mai?"

Ieyasu frowned. "I suppose you could, though I don't see why you'd want to keep spreading your secret. If you're fine to continue with our current arrangement, then so am I."

A gentle letdown, then. If the feeling was mutual, now would have been the time to tell me. Still, I appreciated that he was choosing to be kind about it. "I'd like that. Thank you."

Ieyasu rubbed the back of his neck and shook his head. "I don't know if this helps or not, but I don't know how I feel about you either."

A painful hope sprung up in me, and I tried to crush it. It was neither affirmation nor rejection, but either way it wouldn't do to get ahead of myself. Besides, even if he did feel the same way, did we really have the right to indulge in wartime? Was I actually prepared or even able to sustain any sort of relationship? "Well, then… It seems like the only thing we can do is to just accept how awkward we're going to be."

He smiled slightly. "It's not the worst thing."

"Yeah."

"To change the subject, and I think we'd both like to change the subject, where is Mai? For a guard, you don't do a lot of guarding."

"She's been staying in Nobunaga's room since the incident. Nowhere safer than that."

"Hm. He's a sap when it comes to her."

"Well, he must have been scared. The enemy tried to take Mai away from him. It's natural to be scared of losing someone you love." I met his eyes as we glanced toward each other, and we both looked away sharply. "When the rest of you ride off into battle, I'll be here with her. Until then…" Well, until then, my life was to be dominated by Mitsuhide's favors. Life could be much worse, I figured.

"Focus on healing. I trust you're not stressing that wound too much?'

"Of course not," I lied, body already hurting in anticipation of upcoming training with Masamune that night.

"Good. I'll come by later tonight to help you, then." He motioned to my shoulder.

"Uh, when tonight, exactly?" Training with Masamune would undoubtedly take up the entire evening.

One of his eyebrows shot up. "Does it matter when?"

Why hadn't I thought about scheduling? "Could you come tomorrow, maybe? In the middle of the day?"

"No. I have a life other than helping you, you know." He frowned, turning grumbly again. "It's Masamune, right? I don't know why you insist on keeping secrets and sneaking around."

"Yeah. Um, Masamune will keep me busy a large chunk of the night and in the morning, too."

His eyes had widened, but he forced his expression back into neutrality. "You sure do work fast. But don't take too many unnecessary risks, okay?"

"Huh?" It took a few moments for my thoughts to click together. I'd said that Masamune would keep me busy through the night and into the morning. It wouldn't be outlandish at all for Ieyasu to conclude that that meant Masamune and I would be together all night. "N-No, that's not it! We're not… I mean… Trust me, I'm in no place to… He thinks I'm a man! I'd never risk it!"

"I figured. It certainly sounded strange. You know, you can tell me what's actually going on. I won't get mad."

If he put it that way, I felt foolish for keeping anything from him at all. "Well, he's training me. And I'll remind you that you just said you wouldn't get mad."

"Training."

I couldn't read his tone, so I continued nervously. "Yes. After losing to Kenshin, I, well, I wanted to get stronger. Masamune has been helping me."

"Wow. I've thought about it recently, but I'll say it plainly now. You are a _very_ stupid person."

"What? I'm not!"

He crossed his arms and glared at me. "Did I or did I not tell you to go easy on yourself and rest? And your immediate response is to strain your injury. Have you been experiencing bleeding or pain?"

"Pain, yes. No bleeding. I've been as careful as I can be, believe me."

"Being as careful as you could would mean you didn't do what you're doing in the first place. Idiot." He sighed and dropped his arms. "Let me check you."

"Here? No way."

"It wasn't a request. Lucky for you, I've got supplies on me. It's as if I was subconsciously prepared for you to mess everything up."

"But I have to get back to work…"

"If I'm going to keep helping you, you need to work with me. If you're not going to listen and take care of yourself, then I won't waste my time."

"Okay, okay. I hear you, and I'm sorry. It's just that I can't afford to sit around."

"You also can't afford to hurt yourself even more in the process of trying to get better."

He was right, of course. "Again. I'm sorry."

He sighed and moved to have his back against the door, blocking anyone else's entrance. "Come here. We should be fine."

"Um…"

He beckoned to me impatiently. "Just hurry. It's not like I want to be doing this either."

"Fine." After approaching I stared fixedly at the floor as he took my shoulders and situated me at a proper distance in front of him.

"Don't be upset at me," he muttered. "It's your own fault."

"You don't have to keep rubbing it in," I mumbled as I undressed.

"How else am I supposed to make you learn your lesson?"

"Trust me, I won't forget."

"Good. I don't want to keep reminding you, fool."

"Sure." I closed my eyes tightly in response to his touch.

His voice, when he spoke, felt as if it was washing over me. "I don't know why you didn't tell me you were just training," he murmured. "Instead of acting like it had to be some big mystery."

"You were the jealous one," I retorted quietly.

"I was not."

"Oh? You could have fooled me."

"Quiet."

I smiled and dared to peek at him. "I didn't tell you because I thought you'd stop me."

"And that gave you no inkling that what you were doing might be wrong?"

"Not one bit."

"So childish." He leaned closer some as he inspected my injury with scrutiny.

I put an arm across my chest to lend myself the slightest bit of decency. "How is it?"

"It's inflamed. You've been tearing at it. If you say it hasn't reopened yet, then it will if you keep going like this."

"So what should I do?"

"Maybe do what I said and take it easy, fool. But since I know you won't, my advice would be for you to cut down on your training if you're going to do it at all."

"So, one session per day instead of two?"

"Two per week for the next two weeks. Then you can increase it."

"Only two… Damn." Masamune would be disappointed.

"You're lucky I'm not tying you down to force you to rest."

"Gee. The places your thoughts turn to."

"Don't be so childish."

"Hm." I sighed with relief as he applied salve to the injury. It tingled, fresh and cool. "Thank you," I said quietly.

"Thank me by taking proper care of yourself."

"I'll try."

"Not good enough." He tied fresh bandages neatly and tightly, and I redressed.

"I will."

"You'd better. Next time I'll let you just go ahead and hurt yourself."

"I understand. I'll be more careful."

"Yeah." He started to move away from the door, but stopped when I grasped his sleeve. "What is it?"

"Um." I licked my lips nervously. "Ieyasu, you… Um, have you ever kissed anyone? In a romantic way."

"I haven't," he stated, looking into my eyes and searching.

"I see." I backed away, trying not to smile. I was shamefully, gleefully pleased by his answer. "Sorry to hold you up."

"That's it? No explanation?"

"For what?"

"That question."

"Hm. Nope. No reason." I'd wanted him to explain it to me, how it was possible for me to have felt nothing when being kissed by Masamune. What would his face look like if he knew Masamune had done that so suddenly? I wanted him to be jealous. My infatuation made me a bit less of a good person, perhaps.

"Am I supposed to take it as a request, then?"

"Huh?" I gasped as he smirked and went to gather a few books for himself.

"Don't try to tease me, Sumire. I'll definitely bite back."

"Er…" I looked away, feeling my cheeks heat and chest tighten. "N-Noted."

"As long as you understand." With that, he turned his attention back to reading.

Damn. I'd been completely defeated. I was in a daze the entire way back to Mitsunari's room. Masamune had by now left, likely bored with waiting for me and having done his job of feeding the absentminded tactician. Mitsunari, for his part, was still reading. He'd at some point picked up a different tome, but for all appearances it looked as if he were immovable.

I quietly brewed tea and set a cup in front of him, which he picked up and sipped at without looking. I set about organizing the books, realizing that he had placed the ones he had yet to read on the right side of the room and the ones he'd finished on the left. I transferred the left books into a few organized, tall stacks in the corner of the room, making up my mind to avoid the library so long as there was the slightest chance Ieyasu might still be there. I rearranged the books he had yet to read by subject and into stacks that wouldn't fall and hurt someone before doing a bit of cleaning, as some dust had accumulated. It was a wonder how Mitsunari was able to live like this, but I had to respect his effort.

I was in the middle of rationalizing how enough time had passed that Ieyasu had probably left the library and I could surely return some of the books when Mitsunari's voice nearly made me jump out of my skin.

"Ah, Botan," he said pleasantly. "How long have you been here?"

I whirled around, hand over my heart. "Phew! You scared me. It's easy to forget you're here when you're reading like that," I laughed. "But anyways. I've been here a while, it feels like."

"Goodness, it seems you've been working hard." He looked at the cleared room with appreciation. "Shall I make us some tea? It's the least I can do to thank you."

"No!" I said hastily. "No need. I made some earlier, if you recall."

He looked at the empty tea cup before him with surprise. "Ah, so you did."

"Was your reading productive?" I refilled his cup and poured myself some before sitting across from him.

"Oh, very." He removed his glasses and folded them neatly before rubbing at eyes that had to be very tired and strained. "I thought it pertinent to brush up on a few strategies, and in the process I've gotten a few more ideas. It's easy to lose my thoughts in planning for each and every contingency, and, to be honest, consulting texts like these calms me. Their answers are so firm that it makes me feel more confident."

I hadn't thought about his responsibility before. Without solid planning, it didn't matter how strong any given group of soldiers were. Strategy was what would be the true difference between life and death. "Hey, Mitsunari?"

He smiled pleasantly. "Yes?"

"Why do you fight? What's your reason for wanting to be strong? Training like this." I motioned to the stacks around us, very aware now that his form of honing his skills through reading was just as legitimate a method of training as swordplay was.

"Why… Well, I have a responsibility. With what meager skill I have, it is my duty to save the lives of others."

"Meager? You're a renowned tactician."

He blushed modestly. "Goodness, you're flattering me. But it's hardly that. I'm nowhere nearly as accomplished as someone like Lord Ieyasu."

"So are the two of you… close?" It was a tossup as to whether or not Mitsunari was even aware of how much Ieyasu disliked him.

"We're comrades, and I do think friendship came from that naturally." Mitsunari beamed.

Oh my. He genuinely had no clue. "R-Right…" I laughed awkwardly, unable to bring myself to burst his bubble.

"I admire him. He works hard, and he's determined and strong. The determination he shows in particular is more so than that of almost anyone else here, I'd say. Perhaps even Lord Nobunaga. That would be why Lord Nobunaga himself respects Lord Ieyasu so much." Mitsunari nodded sagely.

"Where do you think that determination comes from?" I had an idea for myself but wanted to hear what Mitsunari had to say.

"I know vaguely what he's been through. I'd wager that he works hard to move past his experience with the Imagawa clan and defy any limitations anyone might have ever placed upon him. In short, all of his hard work is a declaration of his unlimited prowess. He's showing others and himself how worthy he is."

It was as if my own thoughts were echoed perfectly. "I agree." I nodded, smiling. "That just makes it even more strange that you seem to doubt yourself somewhat. You're undeniably essential, aren't you?" Though I hadn't heard as many rumors and legends about him as I had the other warlords, Mitsunari's name had come up as one to be respected.

His cheeks reddened again with sweet bashfulness. "Ah, I'm not so good at talking about myself. I'd rather talk about all of the more amazing people around me that inspire me to work harder."

"Alright, I'll let up. But I'm glad they have you to rely on. It makes me worry less about all of you having to go fight soon."

"Not to worry. We won't take this fight lightly by any means. Though I'm certain we'll suffer losses, I know that we have the chance to seize victory."

"I'd hope so." I looked at the windows to see the sun fading slowly and hopped to my feet. Masamune would be waiting for me. "Ah, I didn't realize it was so late. I should go. But I'll be back tomorrow."

"Of course. You're welcome to visit anytime." Mitsunari smiled and was seizing another book as I left. As I rushed to the training ground, I was caught up in a bout of sudden optimism. It had to be as Mitsunari said. The potential we all had was limitless, and even if losses were inevitable, we could come out on the other side. And if that happened, then my dream… Marriage, happiness, an entirely different kind of life. The people I'd met here were part of that vision now as well.

And they were about to wage war.

*Ieyasu Tokugawa*

It was a matter of horrifying fortune that I was forced to visit Mitsunari one tragic afternoon. There was a book that I had checked the entire library for multiple times before I'd finally admitted that it was lost in the cesspit of his room and I would have to go there to fetch it or else it would be absorbed into the ether and lost forever to the world. If Sumire's cleaning of his room hadn't made the book turn up, then it was somewhere in there.

I'd fully prepared myself to endure the unbearable agony of his oblivious presence, but somehow I was completely thrown to find Sumire sitting across from him with the two of them sharing an identical huge, sappy smile.

"And so I realized that if a blanket was a dumpling, then I had to be dumpling meat, and so if that was the case, then I simply had yet to be baked. So every time I slept, I was temporarily becoming a little dumpling, and when I woke up, it was because I was finished baking," Sumire was saying. "And that's the story of the first and only time I was drunk."

"How mystifying," Mitsunari murmured, eyes wide with amazement. "I've never thought about taking rest that way. Surely, my sleep will be magical tonight." He looked up and grinned at me as I lingered befuddled in the doorway. "Welcome, Lord Ieyasu! Would you like some tea?"

Okay. Time for pros and cons. Cons: Being near Mitsunari, having to talk to Mitsunari, being on the same plane of existence as Mitsunari. Pros: Sumire. Tea. Also, Sumire.

"I'll have a cup," I muttered, seating myself next to her. "Why are you here?" I hissed as Mitsunari stood to fetch me a cup.

"Mitsuhide asked me to watch him while Hideyoshi is gone. Apparently he was delayed?"

It was true. Hideyoshi had been gone for much longer than had been intended and had sent a letter a few days ago explaining that he was working on convincing a particularly stubborn lord whose assets would be useful to our campaign. A week had passed since my last conversation with Sumire in the library. Her wound was healing well, and it seemed like she wouldn't need my help for much longer. I didn't feel one way or another about it, but it was clear she was excited. Well, not that I was the fondest of her spending more time with Masamune, but I didn't exactly have the right or good reason to protest.

"I'm actually more worried about Mai than Lord Hideyoshi," Mitsunari said as he sat. "I haven't seen her around much lately."

"Me either." Sumire frowned. "I know she's back in her room instead of staying in Nobunaga's like she had been right after the incident, and I've been standing guard when I'm not here, but we haven't spoken." She crossed her arms and stared down at the table, clearly distracted. "If I knock and try to talk to her, she says she's fine and isn't ready to come out. The maids have been delivering her meals."

"It's best to let her be," I offered. "She'll process things in her own time."

"I suppose," Sumire murmured. "But I can't call myself a good guard if her mental health isn't as good as her physical health, can I?"

"I don't think you can take full responsibility for another person without draining yourself," Mitsunari said comfortingly. "Offering your support is the best thing you can do to reassure the person while still watching out for your own health at the same time."

"True," I agreed begrudgingly. That was surprisingly insightful, for Mitsunari.

Sumire smiled slightly. "I appreciate it. And that said, I'll go back to my proper post now if you're alright, Mitsunari. I'll be back this evening." She stood, and I frantically scanned the room until I saw the title I'd been looking for buried halfway down one of the several piles of books.

"Oh, yes. Thank you again for making sure I ate lunch."

"Anytime." Sumire dipped her head and turned to leave, eyes lingering on me for a moment before she did so.

I scrambled up, seized the book I needed, and followed her without another word to Mitsunari. "I can't believe you were about to leave me alone with him," I groaned once I'd caught up to her in the hallway.

She smirked. "You would have survived."

"How can you say that after having actually experienced him?"

"Oh, come on. He's oblivious, but he's lovable and kind to the core. He's talented and a hard worker. Plus, he genuinely admires you. He's impossible to hate."

Lovable, huh? "No one has the right to be that oblivious. He's a genius on the battlefield, but anywhere else he's intolerable."

Sumire laughed. "So, in the end, the main thing is that you respect his skill."

"I do not. Don't put words in my mouth."

She bumped her shoulder gently against my arm. "I was just repeating what you basically said."

"Then check your understanding," I muttered, pushing back against her gently.

She chuckled and tucked hair behind her ear, letting our contact linger a few beats before standing straight. "Are you worried, Ieyasu?"

"About what?"

"War. I've been thinking about it. I feel stronger now, but I've never been on a battlefield before. I can't comprehend how hard it must be to function in all that chaos."

"I get what you mean, but I'm not particularly worried, no. It's part of my job to always be prepared for things like that."

"I see." She nodded slowly.

"Why do you ask?"

"I feel confident that the Oda will win. But that won't stop me from worrying. So, I'm wondering… What are you fighting for? What will you think of to bring yourself back?"

"It's not as if I want to die. I don't need another reason than that."

She smiled. "That's the kind of response I expected from you."

"What else would I say?"

"Well, what kind of life do you want to live when all is said and done?"

After the war, then. If unification was achieved, what would I do? A fair question. "Live quietly. I'll have nothing left to prove after we win."

"A quiet life. It sounds wonderful."

There was something else I felt like I needed to say, but I couldn't put my finger on it. War was coming, and I could die. Even Sumire could die on the off chance Nobunaga sent her to the battlefield. If she died... I'd have regrets, and I'd wish I'd acted differently. Still, there wasn't enough grounding between us for me to be certain. I didn't know what was the proper next step to take or if I should just pull away from her since things felt so complicated. Whatever the case, I was the idiot if I didn't take steps to remedy things.

"Don't go back to your post quite yet," I said without thinking.

"Where else would I go?" She asked with a bemused smile.

"With me." I swallowed, trying to get my words right even though they were so simple. "Come out into town with me. Not for long."

She looked at me with guarded curiosity. "Alright."

"Don't sound too excited."

"Just let me check in on Mai one more time, okay?"

"I'll wait outside." I stopped in the hallway and watched her approach Mai's door as if it were the lair of a demon. Obviously they had a strained relationship, but it wasn't my business why or how that had happened. Still, it seemed to bother Sumire, so it bothered me too. It wasn't something I could help with, though; it needed to be resolved between the two of them.

That said, I wasn't as surprised as I might have been when a hand snaked out from Mai's doorway and yanked Sumire inside, though it felt a bit surreal somehow.

Well. I guess I was going to wait.

*Sumire Shinanoki*

When I knocked on Mai's door, I expected to get the same response she'd been giving me for what felt like ages now. She was fine, didn't want to see anyone, and/or was busy with something or other. This time, however, was different.

"Mai?" I asked, trying to hide my worry. "How are you?"

Her voice was almost a shriek. "Botan! Just a moment! Don't come in yet!"

Wait, so was I to understand that she was finally going to let me in, though? "Okay?" I said, confused but deciding not to question my fortune. Before I realized it, the door had flown open and I'd been yanked into the room unceremoniously.

It felt like being in another world after having been shut out like I had been. I was dazed but also shocked to find that Mai actually looked healthy, more so than her reclusive behavior would have suggested.

"I'm glad you came!" She declared, looking both frazzled and happy. "I just finished making everything perfect and was starting to panic about how to talk to you, and then you were there."

Wait. What? "Wait," I began slowly. "So, you _don't _hate me?"

"How could I hate you?" She asked incredulously, eyes wide.

"Because the last conversation we had before you were kidnapped completely due to my negligence was about me being mean to your friend who was my enemy and you being friends with my enemy and, overall, unpleasant things," I rambled, drowning to the brim in confusion.

"I know. That's why I've been doing this." She knelt, ducking her head with embarrassment, and patted the floor in front of her. As I sat, she presented a short bundle to me.

It was an entirely new outfit, immaculate and hand-stitched with such obvious care and effort that my eyes got a bit misty with sentimental appreciation. The trousers of the hakama were a medium gray, and the top was the same shade with thin white stripes along the neckline. The haori was black, and all of these neutral colors made the dusty pink peonies stitched on either side of the jacket stand out incredibly. She'd created a red undershirt and gloves as well, and stitched tiny peonies on a white ribbon to keep my hair up.

"It's alright if you don't like it," she rushed to say when I didn't respond immediately to the gift. "I know it's a bit girly, but I thought it would suit you, and you looked so happy when you were dressed in feminine clothes that I figured you'd enjoy it if I could add a few touches. And, um…" She bowed, forehead and palms pressing to the floor. "This is my apology to you."

I gaped like a dying fish. "Er, what? Wait, wait wait wait. Shouldn't I be the one apologizing to you? You could have gotten hurt because of me."

"You saved me! And, it's _my_ fault _you _got hurt." She gestured to my arm.

"It's fine, I promise." I sighed when my words only seemed to make her sadder. "In a way, I'm personally glad I was hurt. I'm not happy about what happened to you, of course, but that incident brought some good things…" My friendship with Ieyasu, for example, and being able to learn about him. My resolve to become stronger, my time with Masamune and realizing my goals. "It's a loss I'm working on coming back stronger from."

"I know that doesn't make my part in it any better, but I'm happy for you." Mai smiled, but it faded quickly. "I think I owe you an explanation. As to… Well, why I'm friends with people in the opposite army."

I wanted to say that secrets like that wouldn't get in the way of our continued friendship, but I couldn't. "I'd appreciate understanding that," I said quietly.

"You're going to have to bear with me here. Even if what I'm saying sounds crazy, please just listen."

I thought briefly of Ieyasu waiting for me but decided quickly that Mai was far more important in the moment. "I will."

"Okay." Mai took a deep breath. "I'm from a Japan hundreds of years in the future. I was brought here by a wormhole almost three months ago. Sasuke, the ninja you met before, is from the same time period. The wormhole is about to open again in Uesugi-Takeda territory, so Sasuke and I both have to make… a choice now. A huge, irrevocable choice."

"A choice," I repeated. Wormhole? Future? I didn't understand a whit of it, so I tried to reason it out. In hindsight, Mai did say a lot of strange things. Words I didn't understand but seemed to make perfect sense to her. It was suspect, but… Why would she lie about this? "And this explains your friendship with Yukimura Sanada as well?"

She nodded. "Well, Yukimura and Sasuke are… Together. Like Nobunaga and I are. So Yuki and I became friends. And yes, I've known for a little while that he's been here spying. But since it's like that with him and Sasuke, I couldn't tell anyone. I couldn't do anything to hurt either of them."

"I see…"

"And is it so bad for me not to want anyone to die?!" She demanded, going on a tangent. "Why shouldn't everyone be able to share the world happily somehow?"

"Their regrets and their hatred runs to deep," I murmured. "It would be difficult to stop." I for instance, wouldn't hesitate when I found the one responsible for the destruction of my home. "But am I to understand that you and your friend—Sasuke—have the opportunity to go back to where you came from?"

"Yes. If you'd asked me during the first few days here, I'd have gone straight back without hesitation. I'd have started my dream job and lived happily. Neither of us expected to be in this situation. I mean, I couldn't stand Nobunaga's attitude when I first came here. But Sasuke and I both have someone very important here now."

"What is your future like?" I asked, unable to imagine what the world might turn into. "Is there war? Is unification achieved? How… How are women treated?"

She tilted her head at the last question. "There's still war, though it's fought a bit differently. It'd take a long time to explain. Japan becomes unified, but in my time, it isn't Nobunaga who did it. In my time…" She frowned, hesitant. "Nobunaga is supposed to have died in a fire months ago. It was Hideyoshi and Ieyasu that finished unifying Japan. Me coming back in time… changed a few things."

Nobunaga was supposed to be dead, and… "Ieyasu," I murmured. Despite the situation, I found myself smiling. How wonderful. That man who wanted so badly to rise above the pain of his past had gone on to be one of the men to unify Japan. "Of course."

Mai blinked and gasped softly as if she'd just realized something, but she continued answering my questions. "Women have more rights in my time than they do here. They're not seen as property or objects to be had. Well, mostly… There are problems, but we can speak out about them. That, at least, is good."

"So those things will always exist…" I nodded, accepting it. It wasn't surprising that people would hurt one another in the future the same way they did now. "I believe you, Mai. Though you hid things, I don't think you're the type of person to lie about something maliciously." I smiled. "I think I can see more of where you were coming from now." She thought of the world as a unified one where people had the potential to get along. To Mai, it was only normal to want to fight for a version of this time where war could be avoided with ideals.

"Thank you, Botan." Mai smiled softly, relieved. "Really."

"Does Nobunaga know?"

"He does."

I crossed my arms. "You should go home, regardless."

"What?" She seemed caught between shock and anger. "How can you say that?"

"You're lucky enough to have a home to go back to, so that's where you should be. It's where you belong."

"You can only say that because you don't have…!" She took a deep breath and drew back from her own anger. "Sorry. But where's this coming from?"

Alright. She'd been truthful with me, so I owed her the same courtesy. "I'm a woman, Mai. My name is Sumire Shinanoki."

She just stared.

I explained everything. My mother, my village, the circumstances that had led me here. "Mitsuhide and Ieyasu know, and now you. That's why, Mai, I tell you that you should go back to your home."

"It's obviously not that simple!" She cried. "A life without Nobunaga, and everyone else… Even you, Botan. Sumire, I mean. I can't imagine it."

"But you have family waiting for you, right? A mother and father. Brothers and sisters, maybe?" I smiled weakly. "If I could get back what I'd lost, I'd do anything, no matter the cost or what it would make me."

"Even if it meant losing Ieyasu?"

"Huh?" What did he have to do with this?

"It's obvious you like him. So would you go back home if it meant you'd never be able to see Ieyasu again? Or anyone else here?" She challenged.

"Without hesitation."

"Oh." Clearly, that hadn't been the answer she expected.

"It wasn't just me. Other families were ruined and slaughtered. I was the only survivor. If I could go back and stop that moment, it would be dozens of lives. It's a simple question of weighing the greater good. I'd forget everyone and return to the past."

"I can't do that," Mai stated. "I can't leave."

"Then you have your answer." I smiled reassuringly. "You've decided already."

She smiled back. "I guess I have, yeah…"

There wasn't a smooth transition out of that moment, so we sat in a silence that felt tense but necessary. Something had been released that had needed to be.

"I should go," I finally said. "Ieyasu might be waiting for me, though he's probably left by now."

"Why didn't you say so? I wouldn't have kept you for so long." Mai grinned. "Go have fun on your date."

I ignored her comment and scratched at my warming cheeks. "It was more important for me to talk to you."

"Thank you. Really. I feel better."

"Me too." I squeaked when she put her arms around me tightly, burying her face in my neck.

"I'm rooting for you, Sumire."

I squeezed her back gently. "Thank you. Thank you…"

"Okay!" She pushed me back and grasped my shoulders. "I'm going to get you dressed for your date. I'm going to live out my dream and become a successful seamstress and designer, after all!"

"Well, alright then," I consented, though I didn't understand some of the words from her mouth.

Giggling, she helped me into the clothes she'd made. "Good, good… I got your size right. You know…" She said almost shyly as she straightened my collar, "It's nice to have another girl around. I've missed having that kind of company."

"Me too." I realized how badly I'd felt the same as I said it. "Goodness, me too. I'm glad I could tell you."

"Okay! So, the moment you get back you're going to tell me how it went, right?"

"Uh, sure." Not that I knew what was going to happen either. I'd probably have to turn right back around because he'd gone home.

"Hold on! One more thing." Mai deliberately loosened a few strands of my hair, which she'd just tied neatly up. From a strange bag, she withdrew a strange contraption. A circle, when she opened it, had a glass inside. A mirror, she explained, and she showed me what I looked like. "There. Now you can go."

"Um." I smoothed my outfit down, though it was already perfect thanks to her work. "Thanks…" She'd made me quite pretty, though not too girlish either. Would he like it? Would he notice?

"Go. Go, go!" Mai ushered me outside, laughing, and shut the door sharply.

Geez. She was more excited than I was. Not that I wasn't excited… My heart was pounding.

Lo and behold, there he was, sitting against the wall with his head tilted back and eyes closed. I tiptoed over and knelt in front of him. "Ieyasu," I whispered.

Disappointingly, he wasn't surprised. His gaze flicked over me, and I tensed under the evaluation. "I take it things went well."

"Well enough." I avoided looking into his eyes, thinking back on what I'd said. I'd leave him without hesitation. I'd declared that while feeling firm in that conviction. But that answer was based on an impossible choice. I could never go back. "Ieyasu," I murmured, smiling nervously. "I'd rather not lose you." I'd rather have him by my side and be with him. That quiet kindness of his and his denials of it. His frustrating attitude, his contrary ways. His ambitions and his efforts. I loved all of these things.

"Uh." He looked away. "What are you saying, fool? Back up. Shoo." He stood once I'd given him space. "Well then, Sumire… Follow me."

Because I could and because our future wasn't guaranteed, I took his hand. "Lead the way."

* * *

A/N

Alright. So, I had to include a hint of a romance between Sasuke and Yukimura. I HAD to. **Story time.** In the Ikemen Sengoku app in one of the side stories that come along with the gacha/special events, Sasuke called Yukimura something along the lines of his "totally platonic bestie." Calling that whole thing platonic filled me with an irresistible desire to deny it and write something entirely un-platonic. You can look forward to actually seeing more of them together in the story. Thank you for reading.


	10. Chapter 10

*Ieyasu Tokugawa*

She looked good. Damn, did she look good. Not that I would ever be able to tell her without creating yet another misunderstanding or tense situation, but still. And her hand was unbearably warm, so I pulled away and crossed my arms the instant her fingers had finished wrapping around mine.

Sumire didn't look phased, just put her arm back at her side and kept it there. But what had she expected me to do? Why had she done it? It wasn't as if I could have just let her hold my hand so casually. There was too much meaning behind it. Or was that only in my head?

There was no specific destination in mind, but I wanted to talk to Sumire alone somewhere. I wanted to know more about her. Everything, really. If I could just have that, maybe there would be enough security to be more decisive on how/what/if/whatever I felt or needed to do. After roaming around the market streets and almost losing Sumire in the crowds as I sped ahead of her due to nerves and the general frustration that filled me in her presence, I gave up and went to the training grounds.

Formations and mocks battles were practiced in an open field distanced from the populous so as not to offend the delicate sensibilities of the common people. Not far from Azuchi's throng was a narrow but sturdy bridge; once crossed, we would find ourselves in relative peace. The field was littered with echoes of the laughter, blood, sweat and unadmitted tears of soldiers, those fallen and living alike. A river ran through it, forming a sort of border between it and the world of conflict beyond. Sumire and I dropped down on its banks; there was some distance between us, and I couldn't seem to bring myself to face her properly.

We hadn't spoken at all since leaving the castle. I was being utterly ridiculous, going around and around in my thoughts while on the outside Sumire and I were in a mire of total silence. I'd basically ordered her to come with me, and here I was acting like a child. It was lucky she didn't look mad at me for all but leaving her behind in the town.

"Sorry." She apologized before I could think of a good conversation topic. And why was _she _apologizing before I got the chance to? Damn it all. "I won't do things like that anymore. I promise. It was wrong of me to do that. Since you already made your feelings clear."

How could I have made my feelings clear when I didn't even know what they were? I was stupid, she was stupid, love was stupid, and here we were. "What are you talking about?" I snapped, angry not at her but at myself for being so inept.

"You rejected me. I'll respect your boundaries. Because, well, I appreciate our friendship. And I appreciate you." She smiled slightly and dipped her head.

Yet again, everything felt like it was going all wrong. There seemed to be one glaring disconnect between us concerning one thing. "When did I reject you?" I demanded.

She looked at me like I had gone positively insane. "In the library."

"_What?_"

Finally, she seemed to lose her patience with me. She'd been remarkably calm up to that point, considering my behavior. "In the library!" She yelled, eyes wide with disbelief. "I told you I was attracted to you! If you had wanted to tell me how you felt or anything like that, that would have been the time!"

"Hold on. You _also _said at the time that you didn't know what you wanted to do about your attraction or what it meant to you. How the hell was I supposed to respond to something like that?"

"But you… Actually, that's a good point," she mumbled. "Okay. To make this simple, let's just explain our thoughts clearly and calmly. I'm not mad at you. I don't want to yell or fight."

"Me either, obviously. And that's probably for the best." I shifted to be facing her, as I should have been smart enough to do in the first place. I should have faced her in all things. Be clear, open and honest with everything. "What did I reject, exactly?"

She blushed. "My… feelings?"

"That wasn't exactly clear. Being attracted to someone isn't the same as wanting something more, and you didn't mention anything like that. Again, how was I supposed to react?"

"Good point…" She put her face in her hands and groaned. "You were right. I _am _stupid."

"True, but that's fine." So she'd thought some confession and rejection of sorts had happened… I hadn't seen it that way at all. It was a marvel she'd been so calm and kind around me since then. Goodness. Sumire was such a wonderful woman. If I kept hesitating, she'd definitely meet someone else who could make her happy. I didn't even want to think about it.

So that was it then. Unquestionably, I wanted her for myself. But how to convey that… And it didn't change the fact that, no matter how close we felt, I didn't know very much about her. Okay. Okay. Calm down.

I took a breath. "To put it plainly. You have feelings for me, right?"

She blushed. "I do. I don't know what that means, but…"

Those same words we kept tossing around as reasoning for our hesitation. I had a very important realization as she said them. "I'm just as stupid as you are," I said, dumbfounded.

"Honestly, that's good to hear. At least we're on the same page." She smiled.

That was the last time I'd give her that concession. "I'm being serious. Listen." I looked into her eyes, trying to show how serious I was. "Why does it matter that we don't know or understand something?"

"Because it's…" She trailed and her voice when she continued, suddenly soft and small, was almost drowned out by the constant rushing drone of the river. "It's frightening. Not to know what I'm getting into."

"And you've never felt that before?"

"Of course I have! That's been most of my life, it feels like." She laughed, though it was sad.

"But you got through it. You figured things out."

"I had to. And I see where you're going with this, but it's not that simple. It involves you. If I make a mistake, I could hurt you."

I reached out and touched her hand, and she didn't pull away, instead blushing more deeply, so I twined my fingers with hers. "That's alright. I think that would be much better than what we're doing now. If we keep using the excuse of not knowing what to do or not understanding how we feel, we'll never act on anything. I don't know about you, but I'm already sick of feeling so frustrated."

"True. I'd rather figure things out as we go than keep spinning around like this," she agreed slowly. "It certainly doesn't feel good."

Now or never. I had to say _something. _So, falteringly, I tried to parse out the tangle within myself. "I… want to learn everything about you. Well, I thought that maybe it would help to know you more before deciding how I felt or what I wanted to do, but it doesn't matter when. That's how I felt when we came out here, at least, but now I realize how unproductive that would be if I'm only using it as an excuse. Erm, when my mind is already made up, too."

"Yeah?" She breathed, almost a squeak.

I felt simultaneously hot and cold. Was this how it was supposed to be? I didn't dislike it. "It is what it is. I want to be with you." It still was, as Sumire had said, frightening. But expecting logic here clearly wasn't working and frankly made no sense. It was far better to leap in, acting against what instincts had been driven into me by harsher experiences. It was the same for her, too, I knew that. Caution had kept us both alive and safe at one point. It wasn't an easy thing to let go of, and we never would completely. But with each other… Maybe just a little bit. That would be enough.

Sumire gripped my hand tightly. "If we actually want to do this… It's going to be complicated. I don't feel safe enough yet, to change the way I'm living. Um, I'm sorry."

Meaning, she would continue acting as a man. "That's your choice."

"That might lead to misunderstandings for you. From the others."

"As if I'd care about anyone else's opinion," I said, then leaned closer to her. "So say it clearly one more time, Sumire."

"You already know how I feel…" She mumbled, eyes widening when I lifted her hand to press my lips to it.

"Even so. Tell me again."

"Are you always going to be so demanding?" She smiled gently, shyly, and I felt myself smiling too, relieved that we didn't have to dance around one another anymore.

"Probably."

"Well, in this case, I'll oblige you." She looked away, clearing her throat, then met my eyes. "If this continues, I'll probably fall in love with you. Er, if you don't mind."

And now I was the one blushing. I hadn't expected such a bold declaration, one spoken with complete seriousness to boot. "Of course I don't mind. We wouldn't be having this conversation if I minded."

She shrugged, trying to suppress a joyful grin but failing horribly. "Just making sure."

"Starting now, then. We're lovers." The word tasted strange and unfamiliar but not altogether unpleasant.

Sumire laughed, putting her free hand over her mouth. "I don't know what to do," she said, muffled. "I'm so happy. What now?"

"How would I know?"

"Hmm…" She put both arms out, tugging her hand away from mine. "Can I…?"

Someone was certainly eager. Ah, but that was alright. The hopeful look one her face was nice too. "Do whatever you want," I muttered, embarrassed now that everything was settled.

With that said, she didn't waste time in tackling me, arms winding around my back as her body pressed close. I somehow managed to stay upright, though I was close to being knocked flat. Once I caught my breath, a surprisingly peaceful and warm feeling washed over me. Sumire held tight, huddling to push her face into my neck.

"If you say that, you need to be prepared for the consequences," she teased, muffled. "I might get greedy, so just bear with me, okay? And tell me if I ever annoy you or anything gets to be too much."

"It's all fine. Go ahead and give me your worst along with your best," I replied quietly, somehow awestruck by how aware of her I was. Her breath on my neck, how her tightly curled fingers pressed into my back, the warmth and weight of her. I drew my arms tightly around her, surprised at how small she actually was. Lithe and strong, yes, but even so. She was still a woman. Beneath that disguise, there was a feminine body. A body that someday, maybe I'd…

Okay, time to stop.

"Up, up," I urged, easing Sumire away. "Get off."

"Too much too soon?" She asked nervously, putting her hands to her crimson cheeks.

On the contrary… "Not exactly." I frowned, trying to glance discreetly at her chest. It looked completely flat. Of course I hadn't paid attention when I'd been helping her in a medical capacity, but now I was curious. Under those wrappings and baggy clothes, what did she look like?

Naturally, she followed my gaze and crossed her arms over her chest. "Um…"

"Sorry." I stood and offered her my hand. "It's time we get back." We couldn't let ourselves be distracted from our duties. At least, not too much. Only now when the initial excitement had passed did it occur to me how potentially devastating it could be to start a romance just as war was about to come hunting us. Well, I'd simply have to not die. It was comforting to know that Sumire would stay behind safely in Nobunaga's castle with Mai when the time came.

She grasped my hand, neither of us letting go until we were in view of the town, where prying eyes always wandered. Neither of us wanted any rumors starting; we'd never hear the end of it if the likes of Masamune or Hideyoshi got word of our relationship. Not that they wouldn't figure it out eventually, but it would be nice to enjoy the peace while it lasted. Sumire didn't speak either, and I was content to continue in silence. Besides, it wasn't entirely clear whether or not she was mad at me. I'd rather ruined our first explicitly romantic moment.

Just when I was formulating an apology, she spoke. Though we were back in the relative safety of the castle's halls, empty in the coming night, she whispered.

"It's not as if I don't want those things too. But, well, that doesn't stop me from being nervous…"

Right. I'd forgotten that our entire relationship was generally out of order. Still, to be talking about this when we hadn't even gone beyond holding hands… Well, that was a thing easily rectified.

Once we reached the door to her room, Sumire turned and stood in front of it for a farewell. I deliberately chose not to think so that I wouldn't hesitate. After glancing back to make sure we were indeed alone, I seized her shoulders and advanced for a quick, rough kiss. It was only a moment, but my stomach tightened and heat washed over my body. As I stepped away, Sumire's hands curled in my scarf, loosening it from my neck as she tugged on it. It was ineffectual in drawing me back in on its own, but I got the message clearly and leaned in of my own volition.

Once, twice, our lips met in quick, tentative taps as we figured out what the best angle was, shifted closer, held tighter. My arms drew around her lower back as hers slipped around my neck, and I felt an unfamiliar and intense elation as she shuddered against me. My mind seemed to fizzle out, and there was only sensation, the body of a person dear to me so close it felt as if there was no way for us to untangle.

But untangle we did as Sumire broke away with a gasp, though she kept her arms around me. "I, I ran, ran out of breath," she panted.

"That's why you breathe through your nose." I said it as if it was obvious, but the truth was that I'd held my breath for a few moments at the beginning too.

"Right… Of course." She looked nervous, and I couldn't help but find that cute. "Um. So, we can… er, try again? Is that okay?"

Goodness. She'd be the death of me. My heart, my pulse, all of these feelings—I'd never been in such wild flux before. "Yes. It's okay." I could imagine very few situations in which it wouldn't be.

She smiled sweetly and kissed my cheek. "Thank you. For being patient with me."

"Likewise." Resolving to be a bit gentler this time, I lifted my hands to tuck hair behind her ears and cup her cheeks. She closed her eyes and tilted her chin up, and, for one last time that night, our lips met and an ever-shifting, passionate flow moved between us.

When we pulled away from one another, Sumire snuck a quick kiss to my cheek. "Goodnight, Ieyasu." With that, she danced into her room. The image of her eyes, bright with joy and embarrassment, lingered in my mind. I took it, and her, with me and remained locked in a blissful daze for the rest of the night.

*Sumire Shinanoki*

Just as I was about to knock on the adjacent wall between Mai's room and mine to see if she was awake so we could squeal and gossip together, a different, insistent rapping on my door sounded. My chest leaped and squeezed, and I threw the door open expecting Ieyasu to be there.

"That sure was a long farewell," Mitushide purred. "I had to wait quite a while."

I slammed the door shut and leaned against it. Some time passed before a series of polite knocks reverberated against my back.

"Botan, my dear. I'm just here to leave a quick message, but I'd like to say it to your face."

Eyes narrowed, I opened the door just slightly and peeked out from a narrow slit. "Why is it that you always seem to come along at the moments when I'm the happiest and rain on them?"

"You may feel free to consider it my life's purpose."

"So? What can I do for you?"

"You have four remaining favors to do for me. You'll complete one of them tomorrow."

"Oh." I eased out to stand with him in the hallway. "Alright. What is it?"

Without warning, he seized my previously injured arm and pulled on it, hard. I swung towards his head on reflex, uncurling my hand from a fist to make an open palm at the last second before I smacked him.

Mitsuhide smiled. "Good. Your arm seems to be feeling better."

"You could have just asked me how it felt!" I barked, pinching his cheek and tugging on it hard.

"Just making sure," he said breezily. "But as to your mission, now. There's a band of ronin that's been preying on merchants travelling to Azuchi for safety. To assure any incoming traders that the area is indeed secure, we'd like these ronin dealt with. I've ascertained the location of their hideout already. All I need you to do is remove them."

"No survivors, I take it?"

"Ideally not. They certainly have shown no mercy to the people they preyed on." He passed me a slip of paper with a neatly drawn diagram of where the hideout could be found in the woods near Azuchi.

"Understood. I'll take care of it."

"Not to worry, my dear. You won't be alone."

"Why, Mitsuhide! Are you volunteering to come along?"

"No, no. I've other things to do. Masamune, however, was very keen on getting the opportunity to, well, do as Masamune does."

Masamune, eh? I'd work hard, then, to prove to him that his effort in training me wasn't wasted. "Alright. The two of us can meet tomorrow to discuss our methods before we go."

"I think you'll find that Masamune only has one method. But have fun." Mitsuhide turned away, lifting a hand in farewell. "By the way," he added, "you and Ieyasu make a handsome couple."

"Thanks," I mumbled, and he laughed, glee echoing back to compound my embarrassment. Mitushide was like some omnipotent god, always knowing the best and worst times to come around. Best for him, worst for me, of course.

With a sigh, I knocked lightly on Mai's door. It wasn't too late, so I hadn't figured she would be asleep. Still, it came as a shock when she threw the door open and pulled me inside.

"Tell me everything!" She demanded immediately. "Also, would you like some tea?"

"No, it's fine." While it had momentarily abated with Mitushide's intrusion and with thoughts of the next assignment taking up space in my head, all of the joy of the reality that I, of all people, was now in a relationship came rushing back. A big, goofy grin spread across my face, and Mai threw her arms up in victory.

"Yes!" She cried. "You tamed the porcupine! The world thought it could never be done, but here we are!"

"Thank you, thank you." I put on a solemn face. "It was a long, arduous battle." Not really, but it was fun to play into her dramatization.

"I'm being serious, though. Of everyone here, Ieyasu was the absolute last person I would have pegged to fall in love. Aside from Mitsuhide, but he's barely an actual human being, so he doesn't count."

"True," I laughed. "But it's strange to think about. I feel like we were just together in the right place at the right time. That, if there were a different version of how things played out, maybe everything would be different."

"I feel like that sometimes too. Like, what if I hadn't come to this time period? If I hadn't been where I was that day, I'd have never experienced this adventure. I'd have never met Nobunaga, and Sasuke would have never met Yukimura…" She sighed. "Like here was hard at first, but I'm glad I'm here. Do you feel the same, Sumire?"

"I do. Part of me would trade anything to have my previous life back, but, since that's impossible… I'm happy."

Mai sighed. "It's not like I don't think about my family and friends and how much they must miss me. How worried they must be. But this adventure I'm on and the life I've built for myself is a once in a lifetime chance. The fact that I, of all people, am here, means something. I love everyone I've left behind, but I love everyone here just as much. This is the life I've chosen." She paused. "I know how that must sound to you."

I shook my head and smiled. "You have the right to choose how you want to live. I'm not going to begrudge you for what you've left behind. You must love Nobunaga and everyone else very much to have decided with such clear conviction."

"I do! I love them more than anything. I've decided to stay in this time period, no matter how many chances I get to go back."

"I'm not… in love. Yet," I said hesitantly. "I don't know if my feelings will change when I do. I just don't know. I just… I want…"

"Closure," Mai said gently. "And that's okay. But my advice, if it's okay for me to butt in to your business, would be to not let that get in the way of you trying to build your life and find happiness. There won't be anything left to live for after you do get that closure otherwise."

I smiled gratefully as she rubbed my arm comfortingly. "Thank you." I didn't know where my future with Ieyasu was going to go. I didn't know if the answers to what had happened in my past were going to help or heal me. But, for the first time in a while, I felt like I was really, truly… living.


	11. Chapter 11

* Sumire Shinanoki *

"You've kept this mystery mission a secret long enough, haven't you, Mitsuhide? Let's go!"

"Do you know what my favorite thing is, little Botan? It's being pestered by you the very first thing in the morning."

"Well, I always aim to please." Indeed, the moment I'd caught sight of the fox that morning, I'd begun trailing him. "But you can't blame me for wanting to get another one of your favors over with."

"You speak as if I'm not also eager to terminate our partnership."

"That so? Then you could always, I don't know, release me from this cruel bondage?"

"Not the best way you could have phrased that, my dear. I could place you under a far more cruel form of bondage."

"Ha! Sure, sure."

"You'll be free to go as soon as your partner in crime for the day arrives."

"Can't you just summon him with your demonic powers?"

"If I did have such powers, the first thing I would do is make you disappear."

"Goodness! You'll hurt my little feelings if you keep that up."

A call from a third voice, Hideyoshi's, made me grin. "Getting along as famously as ever, I see. It's almost like looking at Mitsunari and Ieyasu when the two of you are together."

"I'm right here," Ieyasu muttered, slouching beside him.

I laughed. "If you say that, Hideyoshi, then who between Mitsuhide and I is Ieyasu and who is Mitsunari?"

"You'd have to be Mitsunari, Botan. Without a doubt."

"See, little Botan? Opposites do attract, don't they?" Mitsuhide gestured between Ieyasu and I.

"Er, well, maybe. I suppose that could be true, in some instances, maybe..."

"So shy all of a sudden. How cute," he teased in a purr.

"I - HYAAA!" I screeched when an arm landed on my shoulders, someone having approached from behind.

"Am I late?" Masamune laughed. "Your face isn't that red on account of me, now, is it?" He snuck a kiss to my cheek, laughing again when I swatted him away.

"It was like that before you got here. Don't flatter yourself." I smiled, putting my hands on my hips.

"Really? You seemed pretty into it the other night."

"Other night, hm?" Ieyasu grumbled. "Interesting."

Oh. That. I'd... neglected to mention that, yes, but only because it hadn't had any significance to me. "You making a move and getting rejected doesn't mean I was into it," I laughed, hitting Masamune's arm playfully. Hopefully Ieyasu would understand that manner of explanation.

"Well, at least the two of you get along. That's all that's needed for today's mission, if you're prepared," Mitsuhide said by way of getting back to business.

"I'm always ready. You don't even need to ask." Masamune rested his hand on the hilt of one of his blades and put on a fierce grin.

"I'm ready too." I patted the case where my tekko-kagi rested securely.

"This is about those detestable ronin, correct?" Hideyoshi asked, frowning when he received a nod from Mitsuhide. "This isn't a situation to be rash in, Masamune. Uh, no offense about the robin comment, Botan. Both of you, be careful."

"They won't stand a chance against us, right?" Masamune grinned at me.

"I'd wager not." My hands were itching to test their mettle and see the results of my training. Today, I had something to prove. "I've got the map, so we should be fine. Unless there's something else we need to know, Mitsuhide?"

"No. It's a simple matter of disposing of a pile of waste. The two of you should make it back in time for a late lunch."

"I'll be sure to work up an appetite, then. Come on." Masamune gestured for me to follow him.

I nodded farewell to Ieyasu, intending to leave it at that until later, but Ieyasu seemed to have different plans. "Wait," he said in his usual clipped, neutral tone as he approached me. "Be careful."

"I -" My answer was cut off as he pushed his lips to mine, just for a few beats. Even that was plenty to get his point across, though.

When I let out a huff as he backed away, his eyebrows shot up. "Forgot to breathe again?"

I had, in fact. "That was a sneaky move," I mumbled. "One I'll have to get back at you for later."

A smile quirked on his mouth. "I'm dreading your retaliation."

"My, Botan. Popular aren't we?" Mitsuhide remarked.

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm off to kill people, bye."

Masamune didn't even wait until I'd reached his side to start laughing. "I've got to admit that I wouldn't have seen that one coming!"

"Can you just focus on the slaughter of our enemies? Pleasant topics such as that."

"I'll agree that it's pleasant and drop the issue for now, but you'll need to get used to the teasing. It's just too fun to stop."

"Sure." As we broached the forests surrounding Azuchi on our path following Mitsuhide's written directions, we made a plan of attack. Masamune would enter the building first and start the chaos while I'd get a feel for the perimeter of the building from behind and watch how our enemies reacted. Doubtlessly, some of them would flee towards their valuables first rather than trying to flee for their lives. I could follow the trails left by that goal in their minds and see what they wanted to hide. We needed to make sure this wasn't part of a larger organized movement, after all. Just where Mitsuhide had noted it would be, a ramshackle hut loomed among the trees. "Fancy lodgings befitting of the scum occupying them," I muttered while affixing my tekko-kagi to one hand and gripping a newly sharpened short sword in the other.

"It could use a touching up, don't you think? The walls will look good with a bit of red on them." Masamune was fearsome and overzealous, yes, but I agreed with his fervor in this instance. Those who would so callously prey on innocent travellers deserved no mercy.

"Without further ado, then."

"I'd ask for a kiss as a reward afterwards, but since Ieyasu wouldn't be happy, how about a drink, Botan?"

"That, I can agree to."

"Good." He smashed the door in, and I heard the expected screams, watched the expected scattering of panicked men once they realized death had come hunting in the form of a bloodthirsty tiger. There was an upper and a lower floor, and some came swarming from those levels only to be caught by Masamune's blade. Some jumped out of upper windows to escape but only landed themselves broken legs and my sword in their backs. Really, the work I was doing now was much the same as it had been when I'd been a ronin. Someone with power (and enough money) decided who needed to be killed and hired those with the least amount of feeling to get it done. Once there was no more sign of rats trying to escape outside, I rushed into the house. A few men scrambled back upstairs, so I followed in hot pursuit. One I lied on the steps by slicing the back of his knees first before driving the clawed blades on my hand into his neck to finish it. Others made it into two separate rooms, and I went into the left first. The one who had run here didn't even have a chance to fully turn around before I'd driven my sword into his stomach and ripped it through his side. From behind, I heard a screech, and I whirled around to find a man brandishing a sword as he rushed towards me. It was easy to counter, sending it flying from his hands by catching it in the claws of my tekko-kagi before decapitation him swiftly with the sword in my free hand. Goodness, did it feel nice to have free movement again. I paused, listening, and all was silent.

"Masamune? Everything alright on your end?"

"I'm disappointed," he called back. "The walk here was longer than the action. Hardly worth it."

I peeked downstairs to find him kicking at a groaning victim, the only survivor. "I suppose we'll have to lug him back," I sighed.

"We can take turns. Mitsuhide always appreciates a hostage to question."

"Just let me inspect up here."

"Take your time."

I found money, fine silks and other wares stolen from merchants and other travellers, but there wasn't much of interest until, hidden among the folds of some of these silks, a key was found. There wasn't a locked door or any type of chest on the top floor, so I scaled down. "Any doors or boxes here this key might fit?"

"Let me check."

"I'll check the lower floor. Holler if you find something." The bottom floor seemed to be mostly for storage, with boxes strewn about. However, it seemed strange that the walls were lined with hanging tapestries when there wasn't any other comparable decoration elsewhere in the house. Following a whim, I started moving them all aside until a door was revealed behind one. "Masamune!" He joined me, dragging our hostage down the stairs behind him.

"What's this?"

"Not sure. Be ready." As he drew his sword once more, I unlocked the door slowly. Behind it in a small room lined with stone was... "Hey!" I gasped, rushing to kneel next to a young woman lying prone on the floor. "Wake up. You're safe now, we..." I faltered, trembling sinking into my body in an instant.

"Botan..."

"I know." She was clearly dead. At least a few days. There was hardly anything to be done. Still, I studied her. Black hair, brown eyes, dressed in simple robes. Freckles across her nose and a mole on her cheek. There was no telling what she'd suffered. It was because there was no telling that my mind went to the worst possible place, and that led to my next actions. It was unclear, really, and it was through a fog that I moved to the howling man next to Masamune and drove my blade into his thigh. He screamed, and these cries only intensified when I stabbed the same spot a few times before moving down his leg, pulverizing it with blows that slowly rendered flesh to mincemeat.

"Botan -" Masamune touched my back.

"Stay out of this!" I snapped, nearly feral. He hesitated but nodded, taking a few steps back to let me finish my work. It felt like a blink before I returned to reality, but I found myself kneeling in an undefined puddle of crushed pulp, blood splattering my clothes and soaking through to my skin. "Masamune," I said, dazed. He pulled me to my feet, holding tight to keep his grasp on my slippery hand.

"Let's go back, Botan."

I nodded but turned first to remove my overcoat, wrap the girl's corpse up in it, and hoist her into my arms. Masamune moved to take her, but I didn't allow it. When we had returned to the castle, however, after receiving many shocked and utterly horrified gazes from Azuchi's residents, I passed her over gently once we had found Mitsuhide. Sensing a spectacle, a few maids gathered to watch with bated breath while a few others ran off, though I didn't consider it would be to get help at the time. "Mitsuhide!" I howled, catching up to his back and hitting his chest as hard as I could after he turned.

Uncommon shock flashed across his face. "What in the devil happened to you?"

"Did you know?" I seethed, hitting him again. "Did you know she'd be there?!"

He caught sight of the girl in Masamune's arms, and his expression became grim as he gathered what had transpired in an instant. "You know I wouldn't have sent you if I had."

"You, who know everything, didn't know?! Please! As if I'd buy that!"

"I didn't know. There haven't been any reports of a local woman disappearing."

"No..." So this was a girl no one cared about? Was that it? Why did this have to be the reality we lived in? "Why...? Mitsuhide, why...?"

He grasped my shoulders as if to keep me tethered. "As with everything else, I'll try to find answers. But you have to gather yourself. We can't have you falling apart at one instance of cruelty. You'll be facing much more."

"I..." I looked past his shoulder to see Mai running towards us, having been fetched by a few maids to help defuse the situation.

"S... Botan!" She looked terrified as she looked me over. "Where are you hurt?"

"None of it's mine," I murmured. "Mitsuhide... What do we do with her?"

"That's for me to contend with now and inform you later. Go on."

"But -"

"Listen. You're creating chaos just with the way you look right now. Go take some time to collect yourself."

He was right. Anyone who might have walked by had gotten caught up in watching, thus halting all business. It wasn't that they weren't used to seeing blood, rather that I'd gone and caused a scene on my own. Before we could find out who the girl was, I needed to clear my head. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Go." He brushed past me to address Masamune, and Mai took my arm.

"Let's get you cleaned up, okay?" I let her lead me, going through the motions of cleaning myself up and changing clothes. Luckily, finding them too nice to risk that morning, I hadn't worn the clothes Mai had made for me and gotten them ruined. Mai brought tea and kept me company for a while, but she left when other business came up. After taking a bit more time to myself, I set out in search of Mitsuhide and Masamune. Self-pity was a waste of time. My energy was better spent on apologizing. I found Masamune first after some searching as he walked the halls with Hideyoshi.

"Masamune!"

"Ah, Botan. You clean up well," he commented.

"There was a lot to clean up," I mumbled. "But I'm sorry. I did something uncalled for."

"No need to apologize, lad. If you direct that same kind of energy to every fight, I'll feel safe having you at my back."

"Thank you." I bowed my head, grateful.

"Everything is fine as long as you all come home safely." Hideyoshi patted my head.

"What a good big brother you are," Masamune laughed.

"Someone around here has to be considerate."

"Do either of you know where Mitsuhide is?" I asked. He in particular I needed to apologize to. I'd whacked him pretty hard.

"He went to visit Ieyasu. To get the body examined."

"Right." Ieyasu was our resident medical professional, after all. "I'll go there, then. Thanks."

"Have fun, Botan. Just not too much fun," Masamune teased.

"Do you really think it's the best time for comments like that?" Hideyoshi scolded.

"Moments like these are the best time for comments like that, as you put it."

As I waved farewell before running off, part of me had to agree with him. Why not tell a joke to help get through when times were tough rather than dwell in misery?

Luckily, Mitsuhide hadn't left by the time I got to Ieyasu's residence. "Back in the land of the sane, are we?" He asked, smiling his cool smile at me.

"Mostly." I put a hand to where I'd hit him. "I'm sorry. I know you'd never do anything careless."

"Of course not. I'm far above such mistakes."

"I know. Again, I'm sorry."

"Ieyasu examined the body. There were no signs of assault."

"What?" I stared at him, startled by the sudden segue.

"I knew that's what you'd be wondering, so I asked him to check."

"Mitsuhide, I..."

"You're welcome. Just count yourself lucky I'm still accepting this ordeal as fulfillment of one of the favors you owe me, alright?"

"I will."

"Do take care to remain more collected in the future, little Botan. A warrior who breaks so easily has no use."

"Understood." I sighed as he left. Each time I took a step forward, there was always another stumbling block. The most important thing was not to let my feelings get in the way anymore. But still, who was that girl? Would there be anyone who knew anything if I asked around Azuchi? It was worth a shot.

"Sumire?" Ieyasu's approach jolted me from my thoughts.

"What are doing here?"

"I'd come to apologize to Mitsuhide, but I stayed for you."

"That's nice." Without warning, he put his arms around me tightly.

"Um... What are you...?" Not that I was complaining. The instant feeling of safety that washed over me when being near him was almost intoxicating.

"I don't know much, but this seems like a situation where one lover would comfort the other. So... here."

I smiled and closed my eyes. "Thank you."

He squeezed me before letting go. "What happened, and are you okay?"

It was a short story, telling him of how simple the mission had been before the dreadful discovery and my ensuing reaction. "I know I'm swayed by my feelings too much, and I failed today."

"It could be worse. I'd be more concerned if you felt nothing."

"Well, I appreciate you saying that."

"What now? I don't get the sense you're just going to let this go."

"Mitsuhide said he'd look into it, back it won't hurt for me to go and ask some questions."

"I thought so." He took my hand, opened it palm up, and placed something into it. "She was wearing this. Hopefully it can help identify her." It was a simple and rather cheap hairpin, a lily with some frayed tassels hanging from it. Still, maybe it would indeed be distinctive enough to get some bites.

"Thank you. I can't say that enough to any of you."

"Let's go, then."

"Hm?"

"You didn't look like you intended to wait, so let's go. I've got nothing more important to do."

I brushed a kiss to his cheek. "Since I've already said thank you enough, this will have to do."

"I'll tolerate it," he mumbled, taking my hand as we set off.

It made a few citizens around Azuchi a bit uncomfortable to have a person who had walked around the town covered in blood shortly before then to have that same person approach them about a missing person, but most were friendly and as cooperative as they could be. Still, no one seemed to know the girl with dark hair, freckles and a mole. After a few dozen misses, though, we got some luck. A merchant recognized the pin, her eyes widening as she studied it.

"That sounds like the girl that was running around the other day... Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's hers. She stole some food from a merchant a few stands down."

"What happened?" I asked urgently.

"He let her go with it, though I'm not sure why. Go ask him yourself." She pointed, nodding when I quickly offered thanks.

After getting through the usual line of questioning about appearances, the next merchant in question quickly remembered the incident. "Yeah, she snatched a damn heap of bean buns. Hard for me to forget losing that much product."

"But you let her go yourself, isn't that right?" I pressed.

"Well, yeah. She was skin and bones, and I'm not heartless. Some of us see her around, but mostly hanging with the Sakura girls."

"The what?"

The merchant blushed. "That is, uh, the Sakura Palace."

I frowned, frustrated at his reticence. "I don't follow."

"It's a local brothel," Ieyasu supplied.

"Then that's where we'll go. Thank you, sir." I turned to run off but spun back around just as quickly. "Would you mind offering a few directions?"

"I know where it is. No need." Ieyasu led the way, and it wasn't until we'd turned through several streets that something occurred to me.

"How do you know where it is?"

"Masamune and Nobunaga dragged me there once, a long time ago. I waited outside."

I snorted. "That sounds like you."

"Maybe I should have gone in and learned something at the time. Then both of us wouldn't be so inexperienced."

"In that case, we figure everything out together, right?"

"Fair." He squinted at a building marked by glowing pink paper lanterns. "Here we are."

We arrived in the middle of quite the scene. A man who hadn't even had time to fix his robes properly was yelling on the street with a woman in a deep red kimono with its shoulders pulled down to reveal her bust. Her shoes made her taller than the person she was facing. "No money, eh? Then none of my cherry blossoms for you, good sir! Consider yourself banned until you can learn to give and take."

He spat out some insults but fizzled out when I came to stand next to him, hand on the hilt of my sword. "Is there a problem, sir?" I asked smoothly. Mumbling more curses, he stomped off. "Does that happen a lot?" I asked, rolling my eyes.

"Not particularly. Most people are civil, and they understand the rules. But never mind that, sweetie. Here for business or pleasure?" She laughed when Ieyasu scolded at her. "Such sweet little boys. Your innocence sparkles."

"We're trying to find information on a girl who might have worn this pin." I held it up for her to peer at. "Do you know anyone like that, maybe a girl with black hair and freckles? With a mole on her right cheek."

"That might be..." The woman frowned. "Why are you asking?"

"That is, well..." I faltered.

"She was found dead," Ieyasu stated.

The woman closed her eyes and sighed. "Why don't the two of you come inside? This is a talk I'd rather have where I'm comfortable."

"Of course." She led us into the Sakura Palace, past sliding doors and sounds of pleasure that wafted among the scent of flowers and incense to create a lulling fog aimed to draw patrons in. At the end of this hallway of temptation, the woman led us to a room decorated with more cushions than I had ever seen in one place.

"This is my office. Make yourselves at home."

I perched on a large pink cushion while Ieyasu settled down with some distance between us. "May I ask your name, Miss...?" I requested.

"Everyone calls me Hime, though I'm undeniably the queen of this palace, not the princess. The girl you found goes by Yumi."

"Yumi..." I echoed. "How do you know her?"

"She came poking around sometimes, asking questions about employment. I take good care of my girls, and everyone knows that. We talked about cleaning duties."

"Do you know if she had any association with a local band of ronin?"

"I don't know anything about that, but she came here with a rough man sometimes, said he was her employer. He brought her along when there was no one else could watch her. Complained about it all the time and had her wait outside while he finished his business."

"What did this man look like?"

"He had a crooked nose. You could tell it had been broken once or twice before. Short but muscular, probably got into lots of fights. A scar on his shoulder, light hair in a topknot."

I frowned, thinking. Yes, yes, it sounded right. I'd killed a man fitting that description earlier that day. "So we can assume she was employed by those ronin. And she was likely planning to leave in order to work here. So could her death have resulted from punishment for that...?"

"I don't know much apart from what I've said already, but she was going to come here soon," Hime stated. "She seemed nervous about leaving, but she said she didn't need help. Maybe I shouldn't have taken her at her word..."

"I see," I murmured.

"I'm sorry I can't tell you more."

"Do many of your workers come from similar circumstances?" Ieyasu asked.

"Unfortunately, yes. That's why I take good care of them."

"There's not always much other choice. Either way, I think the answers we have are enough," I said tiredly. "Thank you, Miss Hime, for taking the time to talk to us."

She stood to see us off as we rose. "Thank you as well, for giving Yumi what closure there was to give."

"On that note..." I handed her the hair pin. "You might be the person this matters the most to."

"Another lost blossom," she said quietly. "Gone before she could bloom."

"Is that why you call this place the Sakura Palace?"

"In part, yes, besides the fact that it's just an appealing name to customers."

"Well..." I managed a smile, though my feelings were still trying to process themselves. "Thanks again."

"Of course. Feel free to come back another time, both of you. Maybe for a happier occasion."

"Take care, Miss Hime." Once we were back outside, I took a deep breath. The late afternoon air felt thick and heavy, even more so than it had inside the Sakura Palace.

"It's likely Yumi joined the ronin for the same reason she wanted brothel work," Ieyasu said quietly. "There was nowhere else to go. And they killed her rather than let her leave, maybe because she could implicate them in their crimes."

I shook my head, grateful when he linked his hand with mine as we made our way back to Nobunaga's castle. He really didn't care one whit about who saw us. "Those are the options to those without wealth, property, status or ties. I considered it back then, too, before I became a ronin."

"Prostitution? You?"

"Yeah. Funny to think about, isn't it? You warlords might have met me in a completely different context if that were the case." I laughed weakly.

"You don't have to joke around to stop being sad."

"It works for Masamune."

"Yes, but that's him. You're you."

"The truth is that I don't know how to feel. No matter how just a world Nobunaga makes or how many wars are fought and won, there will always be these everyday tragedies. People will slip through the cracks, and lives will be lost. Is it enough for us to just say we have to do everything in our power to uphold justice?" I sighed. "I suppose it has to be."

"It does."

"Is it enough for me to just try and remember them all? To carry them with me?" I wondered.

"That's part of what it means to live, I think. Carrying all of the burdens you gather and turning them to power instead of letting them crush you."

He knew that better than anyone else. "Then, for us, nothing has changed except for that one extra burden being added. Our goals remain the same."

"And that has to be enough."

"I feel okay letting it be. For now." I grasped his hand more tightly once we entered the boundaries of the castle. "Ieyasu?"

"Sumire."

"I'm sorry for dragging you here. If you don't want to travel home tonight, you're welcome to... there's room for you."

"That's a thinly veiled request."

"Point." I lowered my voice. "More clearly... I'd be happy if you stayed with me."

"Then that's what I'll do."

After taking care of the day's last business, like updating Mitsuhide on Yumi, checking on Mai and eating a quick dinner, we shut ourselves away in my room. The futon didn't exactly fit the both of us at once, but there was room enough if we pressed close. Several different positions were run through before we got comfortable, settling in with my back to his chest and the comforting weight of his arm over me. Before sleep, I cupped my hands to my mouth and whispered Yumi's name, closing my fingers around the words. Though it wasn't much, the least I could do was remember, always.

* Ieyasu Tokugawa *

I couldn't quite tell the following morning if it was Sumire who woke me up or if we stirred at the same time, but the first thing I felt was warmth and movement against me. Definitely a new feeling, but not unpleasant. By way of saying good morning, I swept her hair away from her neck and pressed my mouth to it. She caught her breath and let out a soft gasp as I trailed kisses down her neck, stopping when I reached the border of her collar.

"Morning," I said quietly.

"Good morning." Her voice was shaking a little.

"Should I take that to mean that wasn't bad for you?"

"It was... nice," she admitted in a mumble. "Wait, are you saying you didn't even do that knowing it would feel good?"

"It just seemed like the thing to do. We mentioned it yesterday, right? That we would learn together."

"Right." She rolled over and smiled up at me. "I'm looking forward to learning more."

If I'd known what to do about the response my body had to that statement, I'd have done something. Since I had no idea, I sighed, kissed her forehead and got up. Really, I had no idea what to do with her at any point. We seemed to share the same vague interest in sex while also being equally ignorant about it. While that wasn't a bad thing, I'd rather have been a bit more prepared so any attempt didn't run the risk of turning into a clumsy mess, just unpleasant in the end for us both.

"The library," I realized aloud. It had just about all kinds of texts. Maybe there would be something I could use for reference there...

"What about it?" Sumire asked as she combed her hair with her fingers and tied it up.

"There might be something there..."

"About what?"

"Nothing. Nothing."

"Seriously, what's on your mind? Can I help?"

"Ideally, you would at some point..." No, it didn't do any good not to be frank with her. "I'm very interested in having sex... Making love? Whichever way you want to put it. With you. Is that something you want too? Or is it too soon?"

Her cheeks turned bright red, but she nodded. "If the attraction is there, I don't see shame in acting on it, but it does make me very... nervous," she admitted.

"Okay." I couldn't ask anyone else for advice. "I'm going to do some reading on it."

"There are those kinds of books here?"

"Probably some found a way to sneak in. I'll get back to you."

She laughed. "You're so clinical about things."

"Does that bother you?" I didn't really know another way to be.

"No. It's just how you are. I like it."

After getting properly ready for the day, we parted ways. She'd be with Mai, chatting about whatever topics two women as different as the two of them could find common ground on, I figured, and, lacking any other tasks for the day, I went to the library.

It was disappointing but not a total surprise for there to be nothing for me to reference, as most texts were concerned with tactics and warfare, as would naturally be the most useful to us. So I had to find other avenues of information. After some thought, it hit me. Hadn't we just found the perfect source the day before? Though it would be humiliating to ask advice from another person in general, talking to a stranger whose opinion of me didn't matter would be much easier.

That said, I found myself at the Sakura Palace in the middle of the day. How dignified. As I entered the building, it was a small relief to meet Hime first rather than someone I didn't know.

"Not here with your friend today?" She asked.

"No. I've come to ask for advice."

"Advice? That's a new one. Well, normally I'd tell you to figure things out on your own, but I'll do you a favor just this once. What is it?"

I looked around, finding a few of her girls as our only audience. Oh, well. The humiliation was worth it for Sumire. "I'd like to learn how to properly pleasure a woman," I stated.

This earned the laughter I'd expected it would. "My girls would be happy to teach you if you've got some coin," Hime suggested.

"No. It's in reference to a single woman. I came for your expertise."

"Ah, I see. In that case, I suppose I could just offer you a few tips." She gestured to one of her girls. "Can you watch the counter just for a bit? I'll be back soon." She led me back into her lush office and started pulling out drawers and sifting through them. "These manuals will give you ideas for new positions."

Positions... The texts she gave me were highly detailed ink drawings with sparse notes accompanying them. Most of what I saw there were things I hadn't even thought of and didn't particularly care to, but education was education.

"The most important thing," Hime began as she paced the room, "is not to rush in. Be sure your woman is properly ready before worrying about yourself. Nothing a lady hates more in the bedroom than a man who can't be bothered to take care of her. For me, if she has the stamina, I would advise making her climax once before entering her, but it's not exactly necessary. If you turn to that manual there, the one on your right, it will point out tried and true methods of foreplay. The main point is to absolutely be sure she's wet enough, or you'll end up hurting her. Remember that if you forget everything else I tell you."

"The woman in question has told me that the thought of intimacy makes her nervous. Not that she doesn't want it, but..."

"Then communicate during the act. No shame in asking if she's okay with something."

I nodded. That had seemed to best thing to me from the start, so it was good to hear it confirmed. "May I borrow these?" Sumire and I could study them together.

"Just be sure to bring them back. I won't hesitate to track you down and cause endless embarrassment."

"I'll have them to you within the next few days." It would take that long to just review them with Sumire when we both had the time.

"Any other questions?"

"No. Thank you for your time." As I left, the girls sitting in the front giggled. Yeah, the whole thing was strange. I was far more worried about anyone I might run into at the castle, so I clutched the manuals tightly to my chest and walked with purpose. Luckily, I made it back to Sumire's room without incident. Through the thin walls, which I now realized might pose a bit of a problem, I could vaguely hear she and Mai talking. Not wanting to interrupt, I just placed the manuals on top of the futon for safe and left. There were bound to be other ways to occupy myself, though my thoughts were a bit clouded now. After some time spent back in the library with good clean reading about medicinal herbs, most of which was a rehash of information, though I learned something new about yarrow being considered a plant for divination in some areas as well as an astringent, and a trip to get a small bite to eat, I just wandered back to Sumire's room. I'd have to be excellently productive tomorrow to make up for being so useless today. It wasn't so bad to stay here, though.

To my surprise, Sumire was sitting on the futon with her back to the door when I entered the room. "Oh. Hi." It made no sense, but I felt nervous just seeing her.

She let out a screech and whirled around after scrambling to cover up what we both knew she was looking at. "Oh, Ieyasu... I was worried you'd be someone else."

"No. Just me." It felt like something significant when I closed the door behind me, though it was just the normal thing to do.

"So I'm assuming you left these here?" She held up one of the texts.

"I thought we could look over them together and see what interests both of us."

"I-I see... In that case." She moved over and patted the space beside her. "Um, this one... With all of the positions. Maybe we should just think about stuff like this later, after we're more... competent?"

"That's fine."

"By the way, where did you even get these?"

"From the Sakura Palace."

"You went there?" Her eyes widened with alarm.

"Hime gave me these for reference, along with a few tips."

"That's..." She tried not to let it out, but she collapsed into laughter. "I can't even imagine that! You're insane!"

"I'd prefer to call it dedicated."

"Well, it would be a shame to waste the fruits of your dedication, then," she snickered. "Erm, I talked to Mai, and she gave me a bit of advice..."

"Anything useful?"

"A bit. I feel a bit more confident, I think." She turned to one of the manuals. "But this is interesting, isn't it? I was looking at it before you came in. The ears and the inside of the wrists are erogenous zones. The neck too, though I think we gathered that this morning." She peered up at me. "Hey, stay still."

"Okay..." She angled to have her lips near my ear, me spreading my legs to met her kneel between them.

"Um, it says... Bite it, right?" The whisper felt so hot.

"That's what it says." She nibbled lightly on my earlobe, sucking on it some, and ran a hand through my hair. An unexpected shiver ran through me.

She leaned back, smiling shyly. "Good? Bad?"

"Mm." I kissed her cheek and took her hand, exposing her wrist to me. "Good." I pressed my lips to her palm, drifting down to her wrist. "What's it say?"

"Erm..." She fumbled with the page a bit. "Kiss and lick slowly."

I did so, listening for her reactions. Her breath hitched and picked up in patterns, and she reacted especially to my tongue. "Good?"

She nodded. "It's strange."

"How so?"

"It's a vulnerable place. So having you touch it like that is... Well, it's the same concept with the neck. I didn't think it would be so exciting." After I let go of her arm, she leaned in to nuzzle my neck. "Is it the same for you?"

I tilted my head back as she pressed kisses up and down my skin. Little bursts of heat bloomed and spread from where she touched, and, idly, I ran my hands over her back. When they moved to pull her clothes apart at the front, she paused.

"So I can assume you liked that well enough?"

I nodded. "Well enough, yes."

"Um, here..." She moved to help me disrobe her, tugging away the bindings around her chest. "I'm embarrassed..."

"No need. But I'll admit I'm nervous too, a bit."

She smiled. "That makes me feel better." She averted her eyes when I ran my hands up her sides and onto her breasts. They were fairly small but soft, pleasant to cup in my hands. Her shape wasn't what one might consider to be typically feminine, with hard muscle that made her the lines of her body more straight rather than curvy. She'd clearly worked hard to be strong.

"Lay back," I murmured, pushing the manuals around us out of the way as we eased down. I kissed her neck and worked down to tease her nipples with my tongue and teeth, noting how her hips squirmed and the soft sounds she let out were gradually starting to sound more suggestive. After stripping away the last of her clothes by untying the straps of her hakama, I rubbed at her thighs, easing her legs open.

"Wait," she gasped. "Wait, I... have an idea."

"What is it?" I watched, curious, as she drew one of the scattered manuals, the one we had disregarded earlier that had to do with positions. Well this was bound to be interesting.

"Sorry, I'm trying to find it... I didn't look at it thoroughly." She flipped back and forth until she found the right page and turned it to me. "This."

"Ah. Is that what you want to do?"

"I just thought that, this way, we could... It'd be very mutual, don't you think?"

Somehow, I found it immensely adorable that this was her concern. "Alright." We shifted, her straddling me while I sat, tossing aside all of my clothes in the somewhat clumsy process.

"Okay..." Nervously, she checked the image again. "I think this is close enough...?"

I gently kissed her cheeks, then her lips. "Relax. We're doing just fine."

"Yeah. Yeah, you're right." She laughed, sliding the manual aside to drape one arm over my shoulder. "Okay. Then..." Her free hand ran down my chest, hovering at my stomach as her cheeks flushed even further, and lower. Simultaneously, we used our hands to pleasure each other, her hand rubbing up and down with gentle squeezing while I buried my fingers inside her, being sure to lend attention to her clitoris. When I pressed and stroked it, she gasped, moans resounding in my ear as she trembled.

"You can..." I breathed. "Do it harder, and faster."

She buried her face in my neck, clearly trying to silence the noise she was making. "You too..." She let out a muffled squeal when I responded to her direction. "Ie... Ieyasuuu," she moaned.

"Sumire, look at me. Look up." I locked my lips with hers when she tilted her head up, moving the hand not working her from where it had been squeezing at her rear to cup the back of her head. Wild and desperate, our tongues tangled, hunger making us disregard how awkward it might have been for our inexperience. She broke away to gasp for breath now and again, but our lips always met again, coming back together after these breaks.

After several of these meetings and separations, her hips started to move even more along with my touch, driving my fingers deeper in doing so. "I'm... close," she whispered.

So was I. Soon, she buried her face in my neck again and let out a string of moans, not ceasing her touch on me even as her body jerked all over. This put me over the edge as well, and I clung to her back, shivering. The tension flew out of each of us, our bodies going slack. She fell against me, her arms around my neck. I fell onto my back, catching my breath while petting her hair. In silence, together we occupied a languid space of being pulled towards rest but wanting to relish in what had just happened.

After a long while, I whispered to her. "You awake?"

She nodded. "I just don't want to move."

"Then I suppose I'm stuck here."

She laughed, easing herself off of me to sit up. "No... Though you're welcome to stay. We should show ourselves in the world."

"Why do we have to? We could just stay." I moved to put my head in her lap, just for a few moments, before I sat up too. "No, you're right. Work to do." There were endless amounts of medicine to be made before the fighting started. No matter how much I made every time, it seemed to vanish instantly. On that note... "Start bringing Mai with you to my place every day. Between the three of us, we could prepare much more medicine."

"Good idea. Mai's been feeling anxious, too, so I'm sure that will help her feel better." We redressed, me helping her make sure her bindings were secure.

"You know, you could go without them if you wear layers."

"I know, but I don't always do that. I feel safer having them."

"Hm." I bent down slightly when she started combing my hair with her fingers.

"You're a mess," she laughed.

"And whose fault is that?"

She snuck a quick kiss to my lips, and, with one last check that we were both put together, we left. The coming days were spent in this kind of idle light, with Sumire, Mai and I sitting together, making piles and piles of healing salves that never quite felt like enough. These teasing conversations, the simple warmth of Sumire next to me, the giddiness sometimes brought about by something as simple as a smile.

The time dwindled, however, and, in a blink, the moment to go to war fell upon us.


End file.
